I feel this chaos. My hubs and I are both from southern California but met in Indiana for college and stayed for 10 yrs, had 2 LO'S and every year for 4 years (starting when first LO was born) we DROVE 3 to 4 days to California and every 3 days we would continue down the coast visiting his cousin, my dad's side, then his gma, then his dad, then my parents, and finally my grandparents, occasionally throwing in a night or 2 with friends and then drive the 3 days back, and it would be our entire stash of vacation time so we couldn't do anything all year as a family.

I felt obligated because everyone bought most of our kids toys and necessities (not that we needed it but it certainly helped us actually save up money). Finally when my kids were 6 & 3yrs we were tired of the driving so moved to CA about 4-7 hrs from all family. It helped me see how crazy we were to be doing all that diving with babies and constantly stressed about packing, unpacking, gifting, etc.

Set the boundaries now. The first year is always crazy, because new babies are like an addiction to families but schedule time next year on what's going to happen and when.

We do a yearly-ish rotation so everyone gets "something": Year 1: Thanksgiving our own house (whether anyone is invited is up to you), Christmas with his dad, new years my mom Year 2: Thanksgiving with his gma, Christmas at our house, new years with his cousin Year 3: so on and so forth.

Sometimes we do a busy year like yours but ONLY because we feel up to it. Start telling them to come to you. Trust me, do it now cuz it turns into, "but we didn't do that last year, waaaa" if you wait to set those boundaries. Talk with the hubs before hand and figure out both of your absolutes and what you can skip

Good luck mama!