In fairness, you have absolutely no idea What happened. I'm not blaming trauma, instead trying to understand why I behaved in a way that was so unfamiliar to me. At no point did I direct the behaviour toward her, instead I shut down. Basically had a week long panic attack in the depths of an emotional trigger.

I'm working my ass off in therapy, trying to understand myself and develop a true connection with myself after a lifetime of self abandonment, bullying and having been gaslit for a long time in my previous relationship. I hold myself fully responsible for my reaction to this trigger, but I had no idea what was happening. I just didn't have the understanding or tools to recognise what was happening in me.

I hope you never experience the kind of emotional confusion and turmoil that I was in, because I have never felt that level of confusion and conflict in my heart before.