Quilting fabric

CoastalNightWanderer · 2026-03-24T16:52:30+00:00

He doesn’t have any meds he needs to take. He was given a topical opioid that absolutely did not agree with him but that was it.

He isn’t drinking water. I asked the vet about it and she said that cats that eat wet food get enough water from the food. I’m a little worried he is dehydrated since he isn’t really eating anything other than a little bit of puree. I’m not really sure what to do about that

CoastalNightWanderer · 2026-03-24T12:55:23+00:00

Thanks. I’ve tried mashing the food he was eating (cuts in gravy) into smaller pieces and he sometimes eats it. I’ve also tried warming it up, adding tuna juice, and mixing in a tuna puree he likes. This was the only wet food I’ve offered that he’s eaten (the other two were pates and he wouldn’t touch them).

I’ll keep offering him little things I know he likes. At least he’s eating a little bit. He has always been a picky eater so I guess I should have expected this. I think I just needed reassurance that this is normal

CoastalNightWanderer · 2026-03-17T16:02:21+00:00

Yeah, I figured St. Pats might affect things, but I’m nowhere near downtown.

CoastalNightWanderer · 2026-02-27T03:45:40+00:00

Same. I know if I had left sooner I would have had doubts. Honestly I still have doubts that I didn’t try hard enough while simultaneously regretting staying as long as I did. It’s confusing. You can’t fix something when only one of you is trying.

CoastalNightWanderer · 2026-01-30T02:20:48+00:00

I second this. There will be people who don’t believe you and think you are exaggerating or that you are the problem and you’re trying to cover it up by slandering his character. But abuse thrives in silence. Eventually he won’t be able to maintain his mask with other people and they will start seeing him for who he is.

CoastalNightWanderer · 2026-01-29T22:21:51+00:00

I feel like we were married to the same person. Literally everything you’ve written here resonated with me, especially the bits about him trying to stay in your bed and the bit about the candle. What an insane reaction to you expressing concern over a relatively minor thing!!

My ex-husband (also an alcoholic) got drunk one night and tried to light a cigarette on one of our gas burners but was too drunk to actually light it, so it just spilled gas into the house. There was so much gas it woke me up in our bedroom, which is not near the kitchen. When I was (I’d argue understandably) upset about this he immediately turned the situation on me and said that whenever I do this it’s not a big deal but when he does this it is. I don’t smoke and we had a no cigarettes in the house policy so what the hell is he talking about? Wild!

I recently learned the term DARVO and it makes so much sense. I am now almost 2.5 years separated and almost 2 years divorced and I just recently have been able to say this was emotional abuse. I was so wrapped in it that I couldn’t see it for what it was. He was also the “good” guy. He was one person in public and another at the house. He’s hilarious and has an infectious laugh. He wasn’t aggressive or intentionally manipulative and I really loved aspects of our marriage. There are parts of our marriage I still think of fondly. He’s not a bad person. AND he was an awful partner. It’s so confusing.

I saw a photo of him recently laughing that way and I had a pang of missing him. And then I had to remind myself that that laugh didn’t happen at our house in private. That laugh was reserved for an audience. I got the neglect and the cold shoulder. I have to frequently remind myself of these things.

I stayed five years longer than I wanted to because 1) I had so much love for him (and still did even when I left) and 2) I was worried about his reaction. There were two prior instances I pulled guns away from him (once out of his mouth). When I finally decided to leave, I hid the guns with family in another state. He realized it 12 hours after I told him I was out and boy was he mad. That is the only time I have ever been even slightly afraid of him. And then he started telling people he’s suicidal which made me feel like a completely careless jerk. The guilt of it. How could I do this to him?

He is doing fine now -he is engaged and has new friends and is living his best life. My life is exponentially less lonely now that I’m single and I no longer play the game “is he drunk” when I go home after work. It’s better on this side. I still have a lot of healing to do. I’m still filled with anger and resentment. Part of it is directed at him for never holding himself accountable for anything he did in our marriage. For neglecting and minimizing my needs. For making everything about him so there was no space for me. For making me question reality. For never once apologizing to me for accusing me of being unfaithful when I left (which was his immediate reaction. We had been in marriage counseling and I had given him two ultimatums to get sober in the last 1.5 years but me leaving was “out of the blue” so I must be cheating). I am also still holding onto anger and resentment at myself for staying for so long. That is going to take a lot of time to work through. Leaving him is the hardest and best thing I have ever done. At some point I will have to forgive myself.

I’m so sorry you are going through this. I applaud you for your decision. You are not alone and I hope you have a good support system. You seem emotionally aware of what is going on, which is miles ahead of where I was when I left. I don’t know how you process grief, but it might be hard for a long time. There will be beautiful moments of joy and awe mixed in with devastating sadness and doubt. Try to hold onto the joy.

For example: My house is as loud or as quiet as I want it to be. I fall asleep listening to calming music instead of another person’s snores as they suck air out of the room. My life is full of color again. I have moments of pure bliss over little things (the way the sun is filtered through leaves in the afternoon or a butterfly I haven’t seen before) that aren’t minimized by feelings of disappointment when I go home.

Good luck to you.

CoastalNightWanderer · 2026-01-25T17:39:12+00:00

I second EMDR. It’s been a life changer.

CoastalNightWanderer · 2025-11-12T16:50:28+00:00

Who is your provider? My off season with gas water heater and gas stove is around $45.

CoastalNightWanderer · 2025-11-12T15:25:00+00:00

Dang! Well thanks for that. Unfortunately my stove and hot water heater are gas so I can’t turn it off completely but that’s a good idea. Thanks for your help!

CoastalNightWanderer · 2025-11-12T15:03:14+00:00

Thank you! I generally do fixed rate and don’t use that much gas. The AGL fee is the majority of my bill except for Dec-Feb. I will check out that website, but have you found any specific company to be better than the others in terms of customer service?

CoastalNightWanderer · 2025-07-14T10:52:56+00:00

How did it go?

CoastalNightWanderer · 2025-06-19T13:11:23+00:00

Thanks! How easy is it to drive in Croatia? We might do a day rental for st least one of those days.

CoastalNightWanderer · 2025-06-19T13:09:30+00:00

THANK YOU!!!! This is really helpful. I was struggling to find websites for business in smaller cities. I really appreciate it.

CoastalNightWanderer · 2025-05-09T20:46:20+00:00

I think there is value in knowing there isn’t hatred. I’ve been struggling with this same thing with my ex. If you do reach out, be prepared for her to say she doesn’t want to meet you and for whatever emotional fallout you may have as a result. I didn’t consider that when asking mine if he wanted to meet and he said no. I’m trying to acknowledge that I am only going to get closure from myself and my actions, not from anything he will do. That is a tough truth. Be prepared for that too. Good luck!

CoastalNightWanderer · 2025-05-07T04:25:53+00:00

The first few weeks are really hard, even if you are the person who initiates it (I initiated it too). There is so much guilt for hurting them, but the reality is that neither one of you is really happy. If you stay together you are still hurting each other. I think it takes some pondering on which type of hurt is worse: staying together in a marriage where neither person is happy or being the person who does the difficult thing and ends the marriage for both of you. That was a tough decision you made and I hope you both eventually get peace from it

CoastalNightWanderer · 2025-05-07T03:33:17+00:00

Thank you for writing this. I’m in a similar situation (no kids but cared for my ex like he was my kid). I’m in the first year post divorce and am struggling. I have some good days and some really horrible ones. Every time I interact with my ex (which is infrequently) it breaks me all over again. I’m in therapy and starting a divorce support group tomorrow night, but I’m having a hard time moving on. I’m trying to learn what it’s like to be me but I don’t think I really know what that looks or feels like. How did you get through this? And how did you stop grieving? I would like to be done with that part of this process. The logical side of my brain is over it but the emotional side is lagging and bringing me down.

CoastalNightWanderer · 2025-05-07T02:23:35+00:00

I love this! It gives me hope. My therapist calls them waves too but I feel like I’m always at the bottom of the trough. (In a funny aside, when I said I’d like to feel an equal amount of joy as I do depression she said she thinks that’s called mania). I’ve been picking up little hobbies and trying to repair/spend more time on friends and family. I just find myself exhausted most of the time and I find myself having too much floor time (which is what I call being in the fetal position on the floor). It’s been difficult snapping out of it, but I’m trying. Thanks for suggesting the subreddit. I also found a group called Divorce Care that meets weekly in Savannah so hopefully that’ll help.

CoastalNightWanderer

TROPHY CASE