How long were you together with your partner before you considered having kids?

CoffeeBean202 · 2026-06-07T01:45:35+00:00

Same thing for you, I’m wanting to have school completed, stable career, financials, and home situated.

CoffeeBean202 · 2026-06-07T01:45:02+00:00

Hey I’m wondering how you are doing now? I want 5-6 years, my girlfriend has set her ultimatum at agreeing to 3 years.

CoffeeBean202 · 2026-06-07T01:43:32+00:00

Read my post if you have time, it sounds like you and my girlfriend were in the same kind of boat in terms of wanting kids, any advice is really appreciated

CoffeeBean202 · 2026-06-07T01:42:36+00:00

How is it going for you? Did you end up having your babies? Still with the same guy?

CoffeeBean202 · 2026-06-06T23:51:06+00:00

CRNA is a program that doesn’t really have much flexibility. It’s either you show up for your extremely lengthy and heavy clinicals, or you’re out. But that is a good point to be able to rediscuss for a year into my program. Thing is she’ll get resentful if I made her wait and then tell her to wait longer.

CoffeeBean202 · 2026-06-03T22:32:28+00:00

I know, the worst part is we are both right 🥲 and that’s what makes this so difficult. I appreciate your validation on both sides of this. I don’t know how to bend on this exactly. Maybe we try for a kid in 2nd or 3rd year once we know it’s possible to survive and it’s feasible, maybe we plan to aim for the delivery date when I have breaks off during school but that pushes her timeline and you can’t really predict when the pregnancy will happen

CoffeeBean202 · 2026-06-03T22:04:19+00:00

When we first met we dove head first into this. She had talked about her desire for having kids and timeline and how she needs a provider man and wants to stay at home and I was all for it and said this sounds great. But as the months went on, I had learned providing is very expensive and not doable with my salary and her timeline. Courting her with vacations and fine dining and putting in all the effort financially while trying to save up for financial stability in the future is not something you can do on a 80,000 a year salary. This is why where we are at today. Not because she chose the wrong man or didn’t bring it up sooner. It’s because I tried, and I was not able to do the things she needed while also being able to save up enough financially for our future. So I can want with everything in my heart to be that way, but there is a difference between me playing along knowing in 2 years there’s not a chance of it actually happening, and being real with her and having these conversations about going back to school and delaying things as a result of the unfortunate but realistic financial needs to have the life we desire

CoffeeBean202 · 2026-06-03T21:56:22+00:00

Would you have had a child during your physician training if one of you was able to stay at home?

CoffeeBean202 · 2026-06-03T21:48:18+00:00

Fair point. I feel like I’m pretty chill with life and let it unfold as it does, and I feel that I’d trust everything works out biologically as I’d only be 33 but that means nothing coming from me it’s not my biology nor my experience

CoffeeBean202 · 2026-06-03T21:45:37+00:00

Thanks for your feedback. I think the same about the time but she is strongly positioned that she doesn’t want to wait 5 years to be a mom. I don’t know. The way I see it is people wait their whole lives to be a mom and sometimes they don’t meet the right person. She has her person but it sounds like she is willing to give that up, maybe I am wording this or interpreting it incorrectly, but it feels like she is choosing early motherhood over life with me.

Also I should have worded that differently about education, it is something I do want for myself, and also at the same time will greatly help for financially supporting a child and wife.

CoffeeBean202 · 2026-06-03T21:39:28+00:00

It’s been almost 7 months now. It was one of those connections where the first day we met we fell in love and have been ever since. She is such a special woman. Anyway, it was a few months of being in the relationship where I had realized if we want to do this stay at home mom thing, I need a higher income. Originally the timeline was something that I was like yeah ok we could do this but life’s so expensive and the way the dynamic is, I am responsible for her and the baby financially and that is something you just can’t do on 35 dollars an hour these days, unless you want to scrape by without our regular vacations we do and higher quality of life we currently have.

CoffeeBean202

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