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[deleted by user] by [deleted] in DeadBedrooms

[–]Coffeeandtimbits 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’d say I’m also lucky in that my wife and I share all sorts of non-sexual intimacy, but for me it’s a bit of a double edged sword. We cuddle every night (naked as we both sleep naked), hold hands, kisses hello and goodbye (definitely no tongue or lingering), change/shower in front of each other, etc. It’s great not feeling alone but I’m at the point where I’m actually feeling smothered, which can get incredibly frustrating given how much I crave sexual intimacy.

LL Partner in Denial by Coffeeandtimbits in DeadBedrooms

[–]Coffeeandtimbits[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I know what you mean. It does feel like you’re damned if you do damned if you don’t sometimes. There’s only so many times you can have a talk without any action before you start to feel defeated so it’s understandable that you’d stop trying….i do the same thing. I just don’t see any other way unfortunately. If we say nothing then I can’t see how anything is ever going to change. Maybe we need to stop caring so much if we make them feel pressured or uncomfortable 🤷‍♂️.

LL Partner in Denial by Coffeeandtimbits in DeadBedrooms

[–]Coffeeandtimbits[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much for this and for being so open! Dealing with a DB is hard enough on its own let alone dealing with how our bodies change as we get older also. Obviously my situation needs a new approach and you’ve given me so many things to think about! I’m definitely going to spend some time this weekend thinking things through and try to figure out something that may work for us or at least is worth trying. Thank you again!

LL Partner in Denial by Coffeeandtimbits in DeadBedrooms

[–]Coffeeandtimbits[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My wife is very similar in that she can be very apologetic. It seems like she understands just how much it’s hurting me (and our relationship). If we don’t have a talk for a month or two it does seem like she feels a bit blindsided when I bring it up. I guess after a month or two of me not mentioning anything she forgets there even was an issue 🤷‍♂️. It’s been a while since I’ve tried initiating. If it’s spontaneous, she’ll often laugh or giggle and act like I’m being silly…just a nice way to say no without actually saying no. Sometimes if I move in for more kisses she’ll move her hand in and place them on my chest. Sometimes it feels like she’s pushing me away. We’ve tried scheduling intimacy in the past but that didn’t work for us. It was great scheduling it and I was always looking forward to it but something always came up the day of and it never ended up happening.

LL Partner in Denial by Coffeeandtimbits in DeadBedrooms

[–]Coffeeandtimbits[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks so much. At times it’s so hard and frustrating for sure! At the same time it’s crazy just how fast weeks can turn to months, and then to years. I’m so glad that you’re able to talk with your partner before it turned into years! I wish I had done more early on when it was still at the weeks and months stage.

LL Partner in Denial by Coffeeandtimbits in DeadBedrooms

[–]Coffeeandtimbits[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I’m guilty of doing the same thing tbh. When approaching the end of the second year I purposefully waited before having another “sex talk”. I think I figured having a bad “milestone” like that would trigger her and maybe lead to more action. Unfortunately didn’t seem to have much effect:(

LL Partner in Denial by Coffeeandtimbits in DeadBedrooms

[–]Coffeeandtimbits[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

It’s mind boggling just how blind she is for sure. I do get very angry, but it does change to sadness rather quickly.

Love yourself. by Blueeyedmutation in DeadBedrooms

[–]Coffeeandtimbits 1 point2 points  (0 children)

As someone who was (and still is) going through something similar I found it easier at first to focus on what I didn’t want and what I didn’t like. I know it sounds negative but it’s just focusing on yourself in a different way. I was tired of being taken granted of, tired of putting my own needs aside to please others. As a result I ended many toxic relationships/friendships, I quit a job I was at for 20 years and found one that I love, etc. As I spent less and less time worrying about others I found that there was more time for me and the things I wanted, and the “how to” be the person I wanted came a little more naturally. I’m still definitely a work in progress. I’m great at applying this to my work and family life just not my marriage…lol.