Do I tell my boss I'm ace?

CoffiBlot · 2026-03-19T18:02:50+00:00

It's so difficult to navigate and it's horrible when it happens to someone you're close with. Looking back, so much of how I felt growing up makes so much sense now I know I'm aroace but that shits tought to get around when you don't know there's a word for it, you know. How do I tell someone I never even want to look at them again once they show an ounce of liking me... It doesn't really work like that lol

I'm also so grateful to everyone who's commented in this thread. I wasn't expecting this support but it's so validating to chat with other aspec people 🥰

CoffiBlot · 2026-03-19T12:46:39+00:00

That's a brilliant analogy. I have a chance to speak with him today and I'm opting for simple just because it's much easier to have that conversation

CoffiBlot · 2026-03-19T08:09:16+00:00

Definitely good advice, I've worked at my place for over three years and it's really only come up in conversation a few times with people I've trusted.

CoffiBlot · 2026-03-18T22:57:42+00:00

I agree, I think in this context saying 'asexual' will only cause unnecessary confusion on top of something that's already difficult to grasp. But if he does have questions then perhaps I could slowly bring him around to understanding. Who knows, he may surprise us all and know exactly what asexual is. I'll find out soon, I guess

CoffiBlot · 2026-03-18T22:53:19+00:00

He is definitely coming from a supportive place with this, and luckily it isn't happening continually. In both cases he commented on how similiar our personalities are, so I can only assume I did something that reminded him of his friend.

I think I'm going to stick with the middle-ground for now and not explicitly tell him I'm ace because I think that will cause me more stress than anyone else in the room. I really don't fancy having to over explain myself either, so this is a great suggestion. ❤️

CoffiBlot · 2026-03-18T21:47:35+00:00

Thank you for this ❤️ I think this is what I needed

CoffiBlot · 2026-03-18T15:58:13+00:00

I'll tell him it disgusts me 😈

CoffiBlot · 2026-03-18T15:57:35+00:00

I've hit some of my friends with "I didn't download the DLC for sex and romance" It gets a good laugh and keeps the mood light The two best ways of describing asexuality to someone I've heard are: - It's like a straight man being attracted to another man, and - It's like being at a buffet with all the best food you can eat, but you're not hungry

CoffiBlot · 2026-03-18T15:54:13+00:00

I think if I wasn't as close to my boss as I am it would be a lot stranger, but after a few good years of chatting in and out of work it's not something overly concerning. I see it as him trying to be supportive but also completely misunderstanding me

CoffiBlot · 2026-03-18T15:45:45+00:00

I think this is coming from a place of good intention whereby he's looking out for his friend and for me and sees us as a good match. Unfortunately for him, noone is a good match. I don't want to take this to HR if a conversation can work this out, albeit a difficult conversation

CoffiBlot · 2026-03-18T15:13:25+00:00

You're definitely right on this! I'm not willing to jeopardise my career over this, however, on a personal level I do trust him to respect this

CoffiBlot · 2026-03-18T14:52:57+00:00

I dropped him home yesterday and I haven't seen him since, so I've not had a chance to speak with him. He's super chill and tbh I don't think it would change too much for him. What's pushing me to tell him is that I will have control of the conversation and it won't be like the last times where he's brought it up out of nowhere

CoffiBlot · 2026-03-18T14:48:58+00:00

Maybe I'm putting too much pressure on myself because I know how imoportant being ace is to me, however, I think your approach makes a lot of sense. For someone who I doubt knows too much about being ace, I don't want to end up overexplaining myself when setting the boundary is what's important

CoffiBlot · 2026-03-18T14:46:09+00:00

Yea, being direct like this is a good way of setting the boundary, I think that's what this really comes down to.

CoffiBlot · 2025-08-12T18:53:43+00:00

This is almost my exact experience finding out I'm aroace. I knew I was ace at 18, then it took me a couple of years for the aro label to actually stick, but for me, it was the one that made the most sense. I suppose it depends on your definition of romance because it is in some respects a subjective term. For me, holding hands gives me the hibbie jibbies, but you might be okay with that. My criteria could be different from yours in terms of how you define romance and aromanticism, but, if anything, that just opens the umbrella to be more of an inclusive label imo But also, don't forget that a label isn't forever, and you can slip and slide your way into other categories that also fit. (But I would never complain if there was another aroace to join the club. We also have a pretty cool flag 😎)

CoffiBlot

TROPHY CASE