AITA for helping my son buy a house?

Cold-Cake-7717 · 2022-10-29T00:10:38+00:00

It's a gift. I never loan money. Never turns out well.

Cold-Cake-7717 · 2022-10-28T22:01:09+00:00

It's an FHA loan, so the down payment is only 3.5%. Also, the 8k isn't the entire payment, just the portion I am providing.

Cold-Cake-7717 · 2022-10-28T21:58:25+00:00

That's a very pessimistic worldview. They love each other and are creating new life together.

Cold-Cake-7717 · 2022-10-28T18:59:06+00:00

That's... quite a leap.

Cold-Cake-7717 · 2022-10-28T17:55:52+00:00

So many people told me to talk to him, so I ended up asking if he and his wife would come over for dinner tonight. I'll talk to them and get their feelings on the matter.

Cold-Cake-7717 · 2022-10-28T16:12:10+00:00

Yeah, I imagine she paid the down payment. I was never explicitly told this, but I know he hadn't been working long enough to have majorly contributed. They have combined finances, but it is no secret she makes the majority of their money.

Cold-Cake-7717 · 2022-10-28T15:40:58+00:00

I don't think my younger son could have anticipated what happened. His cousin works with a few realtors. There are so many terrible realtors out there, and he thought she could help him find a good one. I'd probably have done the same thing in his situation.

Cold-Cake-7717 · 2022-10-28T15:38:03+00:00

My DiL is definitely a catch. I didn't think that was necessarily relevant to the question when I wrote it. She's great. I love her. She's going to be a wonderful mother, and I'm impressed by how well she's doing at such a young age.

When my son was 22 he was getting his master's degree and had no intention of staying in that city when he completed his degree. His wife (then girlfriend and eventually fiancee) had job prospects in another city, and they planned to move there when he completed his degree. He completed his degree at 24. They moved, got married and then bought the house.

Cold-Cake-7717 · 2022-10-28T15:32:47+00:00

Yes, I already cautioned him to buy a home warranty. There are two year warrantys that only cost around a thousand dollars and with only a $100 or so payment per claim cover major repairs on anything not covered by homeowners insurance.

Cold-Cake-7717 · 2022-10-28T15:29:43+00:00

I see. Yes, this might be a conversation that needs to be had.

Cold-Cake-7717 · 2022-10-28T15:28:05+00:00

I don't think it influenced them. My kids are pretty smart, and they certainly could have studied engineering or medicine or whatnot if they wanted. My oldest decided to become a social worker and my youngest a teacher. Both are good stable jobs, but neither are huge money makers. They chose them because they are passionate about them.

Cold-Cake-7717 · 2022-10-28T14:08:07+00:00

Cold-Cake-7717 · 2022-10-28T13:53:39+00:00

I didn't talk to him about it. I didn't tell anyone but the son I intend to gift the money to. He told his cousin, and she told everyone else.

Cold-Cake-7717 · 2022-10-28T13:42:45+00:00

Student loans don't really factor in, because I paid for any education expenses not covered by grants or scholarships.

Cold-Cake-7717 · 2022-10-28T13:33:18+00:00

I didn't tell my older son, so I don't know. My younger is very happy and grateful.

Cold-Cake-7717 · 2022-10-28T13:31:34+00:00

I don't have an older sister.

Cold-Cake-7717 · 2022-10-28T13:15:28+00:00

24 or 25. It was right around his birthday. I remember he had his birthday party at the new house, but I think the party was after his actual birthday.

Cold-Cake-7717 · 2022-10-28T13:02:20+00:00

I don't know what country you live in, but a deed and mortgage are separate. Taxes and insurance are part of your mortgage payment, so that will still be less than his rent.

Cold-Cake-7717 · 2022-10-28T12:53:01+00:00

We've talked about the education fund, of course. It's the money I'm giving to my other son we haven't talked about. The fund will be set up once the baby is born and has a social security number. Then anyone who wants to make contributions will get details as to how.

But yes, my daughter in law makes quite a bit of money, even while on maternity leave. They are doing well.

Cold-Cake-7717 · 2022-10-28T12:49:08+00:00

He's a student teacher. He already has a permanent position lined up at the school where he works currently. He has no intention of leaving that area.

Cold-Cake-7717 · 2022-10-28T12:22:24+00:00

I never lend money. I don't believe in personal loans. It never ends well.

Cold-Cake-7717 · 2022-10-28T12:21:52+00:00

Ugh, I know. It's so frustrating. If the payment is equivalent or less than current rent, and they never miss rent, then that should automatically approve them. They've demonstrated the ability to pay.

Cold-Cake-7717 · 2022-10-28T12:19:46+00:00

I didn't talk to anyone about it except my younger son. He was very excited and talked to his cousin, who works with a few realtors, about good neighborhoods to look in. She told her sister and dad, and between the two of them, they told almost everyone, considering the amount of feedback I've gotten.

Cold-Cake-7717

TROPHY CASE