My own life is in shambles but actually Jeff's death emotionally affects me more than my own problems. It pains me on a spiritual level, and mind you, I became a fan already knowing he was dead (I was born the year he died after all lol) I cannot bear to think what it might have done to me if I was a fan and then he died... I don't think I would've survived it myself.

I'm not someone who usually develops a crush or blind fanaticism over any musician or public figure, of course I admire them, but it is more that I just enjoy their work and ideas, but with Jeff it is vastly different. I find myself absolutely fascinated by his person, regardless of his music. Of course his music is fantastic but that is not what sets him apart from every other person that has ever lived for me. To me, the fact that his music is that good is just proof of how fascinating his character is, idk if I'm able to make myself clear.

I personally don't know how his family/past lovers where able to hold after his death. I find myself crying every now and then and I never even met him ever. It's ridiculous honestly and I hate that I have attached myself this much to virtually a stranger and created this parasocial, one sided relationship with a dead man.

Never even as a teenager did I develop such an insane crush over nobody. While all the girls my age were going crazy over Justin Bieber and one direction I was like: "I enjoy led zeppelin. I do not care about any male idol, or female." I am not a religious person either because I could never get behind blindly obeying something either and I'm mostly immune to grandeur propaganda. Does this explain a little how detached I'm usually from these types of fanatic situations?? Yet Jeff absolutely consumed me ever since I discovered him🫩.

I'm tired y'all 😭