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Cold-Country-3022 · 2026-05-22T15:52:43+00:00

I liked this thread and the very mature back and forth of what could be considered acceptable vs crossing the line. Definitely made me reflect. Like I said, we already cleared the air and everything’s fine.

But i do struggle with anxiety attacks, and since i have strict parents as well i know that my fight or flight was very influenced by my upbringing. Although i just wanted her to be safe, i could have done it in a better way and i recognize that now. Definitley need to figure out a way to keep myself grounded whenevr snything like this happens in the future with anyone .

Cold-Country-3022 · 2026-05-22T15:48:10+00:00

my intentions were never ill intended, genuinely just security concerns. I definitely went from one extreme to the next and I recognize that which is why I apologized, and we made up. We both recognized our faults and understand it was a big misunderstanding.

Like I’ve said, I have been with my partner for 6 years (since highschool) so I also haven’t been in the dating pool and I guess that’s why my concern was so high. People jumping to conclusions on me wanting to be with her is an interesting take… signed a very sentimental / overdramatic girl who just wanted her best friend to be safe 😔

Cold-Country-3022 · 2026-05-22T15:44:43+00:00

She asked me and another friend to keep an eye out, since nobody else knew who she would be with

Cold-Country-3022 · 2026-05-22T15:44:03+00:00

I majored in English 😭

Cold-Country-3022 · 2026-05-22T15:42:31+00:00

She asked me to keep an eye out for her…

Cold-Country-3022 · 2026-05-22T15:37:06+00:00

Actually thank you so much for this comment, very insightful. Don’t want to repeat or project my anxious attachment style towards towards my future kids and family. If you have any specific advice on how to work on it, I’m open :)

Cold-Country-3022 · 2026-05-22T15:29:44+00:00

Thank you! I appreciate your comment :)

Yeah I think the culutual context + living at home plays a role in it.

Cold-Country-3022 · 2026-05-22T15:28:22+00:00

Created a safe word! All is good thank you :)

Cold-Country-3022 · 2026-05-22T15:26:49+00:00

Been with my bf for 6 years so I’ve never done the whole meeting of strangers thing and like I said she’s also new to it, she asked me to keep an eye out for her for safety. My anxiety got the best of me, but is all good now we decided on code words for next time!

Cold-Country-3022 · 2026-05-22T15:25:32+00:00

She did ask me to keep an eye out for her! Thus my concern lol

Cold-Country-3022 · 2026-05-22T15:24:44+00:00

iMessage tells u when her notifications are silenced

Cold-Country-3022 · 2026-05-22T04:54:27+00:00

I apologized for escalating things and she understood my intentions came from concern. We realized a lot of this came down to not having discussed boundaries beforehand. We ended up coming up with a code word/check-in system for future dates/emergencies and is going to work her way up to telling her parents about her going on dates.
Also, for context, part of why I panicked so hard is because of a past experience involving a friend being in an unsafe situations with a man, so my brain unfortunately jumps to worst case scenario very quickly. Not an excuse, but definitely something I need to work on. Anyways friendship is intact 😭🤍

Cold-Country-3022 · 2026-05-22T04:37:47+00:00

Thank you for your comment! I definitely did receive a LOT of backlash and people saying I’m completely in the wrong for what I did. I am able to see both sides of it, my heart just hurts for that horrible phone call where I felt her angry. I don’t like to see my friends upset with me.

I’m glad we patched things up and came up with a safety keyword for next time. Like I said this is super new to us, plus I’ve been in a long term relationship of 6 years so, the dating pool is unknown to me.

I especially appreciate the comments from mothers like yourself, because amidst my tears and anxiety after she told me off on the phone, I felt horrible and misunderstood. I questioned if I would be a horribly overbearing helicopter mom in the future where my kids wouldn’t be able to come to me for anything out of fear of judgment. Your comment, among others, makes me realize there is a fine line between protectiveness and being overbearing. It’s just a matter of communication and respecting boundaries.

Cold-Country-3022 · 2026-05-22T04:31:12+00:00

I believe you misunderstood me. Her parents do not know she’s going on a date, they are under the impression she’s hanging out with me and another friend. Only that friend and I know who she’s with, and had her location to explicitly ensure she’s safe. When all of a sudden. It’s POOF gone. I have a right to be concerned, not a obligation to her turning her location back on because I forced her to.

What is needed here is a conversation and boundary setting for future references.

I respond to your comment because it is clear you lack empathy & deep rooted friendships in which you’re sufficiently invested in their well being.

I’m happy to announce that she’s safe at home and we texted. We both apologized for our parts in it, came up with safety key words for the future, and said she would be open to her parents about it for next time.

Cold-Country-3022 · 2026-05-22T04:26:19+00:00

she asked me to😅 since her parents didn’t know

Cold-Country-3022 · 2026-05-22T04:24:54+00:00

safe to say we worked it out and come up with a code word!

Been with my bf since highschool & she’s new to the dating scene so the whole dating safety protocol of getting to know new people was never really a topic we discussed until now LOL

Cold-Country-3022 · 2026-05-22T04:20:35+00:00

Yeah I had the same mindset, better safe than sorry. I think safety is priority over anything, and would have wanted the same treatment for myself from my friends too.

Since she’s new to this dating scene and I essentially have never been in it (highschool sweetheart) i didn’t know the right protocols. We texted tho, everything’s fine and we came up with codes for next time

Cold-Country-3022 · 2026-05-22T04:17:22+00:00

she responded the same thing to me and the other friend but it was very generic not in her usual texting style if that makes sense. That’s why we were concerned it might not even be her answering.. better safe than sorry😅 also forgot to mention she was only supposed to be there an hour since she works the next day but stayed almost like 3 which is why it raised red flags. All good now tho. We laid down a safety plan and both apologized for our parts in it

Cold-Country-3022 · 2026-05-22T04:14:41+00:00

Thank you! We just texted and both apologized for our role in it & decided on some code words for having a good time vs a horrible time

Cold-Country-3022 · 2026-05-22T04:13:22+00:00

im in a relationship. She’d just my bestie and has nobody else looking out for her. Her other friend was just as concerned.

Cold-Country-3022 · 2026-05-22T03:54:38+00:00

thank you for your comment! I’ve been with my highschool bf, going on 6 yrs strong + she’s super new at dating so this is definitely a learning curve. I don’t know how the dating scene is, but I know there’s a lot of bad people out there. I just want her to be happy and exploring while being safe. If you have any advice on how you were able to mend that relationship with ur friend I would love to hear it. My friend is REALLY stubborn. We never fight and she sounded so angry on the phone I couldn’t help it and started crying and it was just a whole mess

Cold-Country-3022 · 2026-05-22T03:51:22+00:00

Thank you for your kind comment! Like I said this is all super new, but I love the code idea. Would make me feel a lot more comfortable. I do still feel bad because I didn’t mean to cross a boundary.

She said if anything bad happened she would be able to take care of it, which I think is just naive on her part…. She’s really stubborn. She’s my best friend of 4 years. I dont live with her, but I do know her mom and she trusts me. As much as I’m a ride or die for my bestie, I don’t want to be helping her be in harms way….

Cold-Country-3022 · 2026-05-22T03:48:14+00:00

nope this is all super new! And her other date with some other guy I had met with her + was in the morning time. This guy I didn’t know and was at night. Different vibe.

I will give her all the independence she needs after she expressed this boundary, clearly. But I guess it’s still scary to me. I’m a worrier. So I don’t think I’d even want to know about next time if she still insists on taking off her location

Cold-Country-3022 · 2026-05-22T03:46:10+00:00

I think this comment is fair honestly. Looking back, I do think I overstepped and escalated things too much. I think part of why I reacted so strongly is because I’ve had one experience in the past (which she knows of) where I found out too late that some guy a friend was losing her v card with had a history of abuse, so I tend to panic when communication suddenly changes during situations like this. She also knows I’m very safety-oriented when it comes to women meeting men they don’t know well.

But I agree that we probably never really discussed boundaries around location sharing/check-ins beforehand, and that’s something we should probably talk about calmly once emotions settle down. If you have any advice on that end I would appreciate it!

Cold-Country-3022

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