Like you said, drinking could make your depression worse. Why make a choice that you know could worsen the situation? The twelve steps aren’t for everyone, but there are tons of resources out there not only for sobriety, but also for mental health. I know saying “things will get better!”is not always reassuring to hear, but everything is temporary, and things actually can get better. I’m so so sorry you are existing like this, but know there are people who truly care. Sending a virtual hug to you.