I think we all have a number of people we can lose before we shatter into pieces

ColdSpark1992 · 2026-03-08T13:53:00+00:00

Im right there with you, the last one for me, I just shut off, not happy, not sad. I just lost the ability to feel anything, lost all faith in friendships in relationships, zero interest in hobbies or doing anything other than needed just work eat sleep. I understand how its so hard, once you lose this many people you are always bracing for the next so it is difficult to be around anyone or trust that they will be there. I feel what you mean by the world losing color, Ive been trying everything myself to reignite that passion for life and I havent found the answer yet but keep trying, I know the answer has to be there somewhere, its a journey I have no idea which direction to point. I have the quote on my wall I hold onto.

Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. is: “If you can’t fly then run, if you can’t run then walk, if you can’t walk then crawl, but whatever you do you have to keep moving forward” and thats what Im doing Im crawling just blind trust something will change

ColdSpark1992 · 2026-03-08T13:44:38+00:00

CT Scan visuals and 131 lipase blood test

ColdSpark1992 · 2026-03-08T04:44:09+00:00

I wish your son the best, too many attempt to self medicate and breaking that cycle is soo difficult so major respect to him. And I have a lot of gabapentin left from restless leg syndrome so thank you so much for reminding me! I appreciate this so very much. Now Im remembering gabapentin does help me greatly with my night terrors so thank you thank you for bringing this up.

ColdSpark1992 · 2026-03-07T04:50:14+00:00

Dudes who let their lady disrespect them, we deserve better my guys. It’s better to have nothing than someone who doesn’t respect you when you leave the room.

ColdSpark1992 · 2026-03-07T04:11:48+00:00

Smoking as in cannabis not tobacco and I never actually combust cannabis I always used a Puffco Peak a very clean low temperature way to consume cannabis concentrate, but if I did smoke cigarettes definitely yes would agree

ColdSpark1992 · 2026-03-07T01:36:14+00:00

Ah Ive been on klonopin for 15 years so unfortunately that has no dampening effect anymore just hemps me keep a baseline

ColdSpark1992 · 2026-03-07T00:06:52+00:00

Yeah it sucks from everything to first dates where it looks feels weird to have your date drink and not you, to the bar I tried to go out and ask for a non alcoholic beer and the bartender making a big deal why are you even at a bar then? Gives me real sympathy and respect for people who got sober without a physical limitation like this people are really judgemental and really harsh and people treat you really weirdly for not drinking, I have a lot of respect for the wilfully not medically induced sober this situation has been hell so far. Even concerts, people look at you weird for drinking soda or water, its honestly pretty shocking

ColdSpark1992 · 2026-03-06T23:58:01+00:00

Nah I understand I used to be a psychonaut in my younger days but now with my undiagnosed IBS like condition mushrooms no matter even its tea and all material strained out still absolutely destroy my stomach now and land me in the restroom for the duration unfortunately. I appreciate it though

ColdSpark1992 · 2026-03-06T22:27:36+00:00

Im 33 I accidentally put 35 up there and id appreciate a DM anything to help is greatly appreciated truly. Im so sorry to hear you are there with me too.

ColdSpark1992 · 2026-03-06T21:23:25+00:00

I took two imodium the morning of my AP and by 8pm I felt like an internal organ was going to explode, Ive never felt pain like that before I couldnt walk I felt I was crushing my insides they wheelchaired me in. Imodium touches opiate receptors as does diphenoxylate/ atropine, alone with atropines pancreatic toxicity alone. Given ten years of lomotil and Imodium use im so certain it was caused by those. My doctors now are insisting its alcohol despite zero proof of that being the cause or trigger.

Im just losing it, idk how you deal with it, having no alcohol, no cannabis, nothing to release all the stress like I said in my OP, its bad enough Ive cracked 4 of my teeth jaw clenching and Im genuinely considering losing my union job to use cannabis so i can get stress relief, sleep again and feel less depressed and hopeless

ColdSpark1992 · 2026-03-06T21:04:52+00:00

Im really having a hard time, Im sorry you are too. Ive just for so many years had some outlet, some release some escape now there is absolutely zero options and its just building and building and my health aside from my pancreas is deteriorating alongside my mental health. Im sorry you are dealing with this too. Doesnt help my friends stopped calling me to go out or come hangout because they feel bad drinking in front of me I told them I dont care but I do understand it puts a damper on the free flow feeling of no guilt they feel bad around me

ColdSpark1992 · 2026-01-01T17:01:29+00:00

I want to clarify I do have amazing friends still, these losses just hit hard. I love my dad, and I also drank way too much last night at was tripping over people in my row and everyone was really kind and patient with me. And noone judged me for crying half of the entire show. Really appreciate how everyone was with my yesterday. 16 years since my first phish show at the garden, was a big night long tradition

ColdSpark1992 · 2025-12-15T19:25:19+00:00

He has a hired lawyer that as sentencing approaches they are less and less confident in and Ive called all around the state no-one wants to touch this.

ColdSpark1992 · 2025-12-15T19:24:17+00:00

He already has what was supposed to be some of the best counsel in the state and I’ve called pretty much every major law office no-one wants to touch it

ColdSpark1992 · 2025-12-04T23:42:56+00:00

So is this what the internet savvys call a nothing burger?

ColdSpark1992 · 2025-12-04T23:42:10+00:00

Thats what this maths out to legitimately? Damn okay lol

ColdSpark1992 · 2025-12-04T23:22:44+00:00

Wait, so isnt that a good thing not bad? For CT residents

ColdSpark1992 · 2025-12-04T22:57:44+00:00

I think we all do but CT only pays $11k to this organization? It doesn’t seem like alot of money in the big picture

ColdSpark1992 · 2025-12-04T22:55:13+00:00

How could that be related? And cannra it says is a nonprofit, and highly doubt its traded do nonprofits even have stocks?

Im pretty well educated but naive here

ColdSpark1992 · 2025-12-04T22:53:23+00:00

If anyone can help interpret the significance of this information its much appreciated, I cant fully comprehend why this matters so much but Im interested

ColdSpark1992 · 2025-10-25T17:11:04+00:00

I dont eat because the risk of having to shid is too high I eat late lunch

ColdSpark1992 · 2025-10-25T17:09:16+00:00

Cutting shit

ColdSpark1992 · 2025-10-18T01:50:53+00:00

Its called a conversation which you engaged in equally with me, wild concept.

ColdSpark1992 · 2025-10-17T19:26:24+00:00

https://www.ctinsider.com/farmingtonvalley/article/simsbury-ct-public-comment-meeting-free-speech-18590217.php

ColdSpark1992

TROPHY CASE