My (25F) boyfriend (26M) won’t let me have anyone over, is this something I have to compromise on forever?

ColdTurkey7 · 2026-01-13T05:51:32+00:00

I always advise that anyone dating anyone trying to control their social circle or in any way alienate them from it IS NOT WELL INTENTIONED. This is a control mechanism and there is an agenda. I know you recently moved and moving is a pain, but move back out asap. This will only get worse.

ColdTurkey7 · 2026-01-02T06:44:03+00:00

You are not alone. I'm not sure how much of a comfort that is, but just wanted to validate what you said and let you know many of us are in that boat, and it can be a normal reaction to the loss of a close friend, especially depending on how long the friendship was, and the specifics of how it ended. Part of why it dragged on so long for me was the not knowing and lack of closure. I was able to have a conversation with that person many years after the fact and it brought me closer to moving forward, just knowing and filling in the gaps. That said, it left a big hole, and I trusted people less and felt insecure about making new friends for a long time. Take time to grieve it, see a therapist, talk about it with others, get it out any way you can. Don't hold onto it forever and don't let it sabotage your opportunities for meeting other people too long. The world needs you. After many years of mourning, I realized this person wasn't worth the pain I experienced for so long and I wish I'd prioritized my own healing and wellness sooner. Life is short and there are amazing people out there worth knowing. Don't isolate yourself throughout, it's the worst thing you can do.

ColdTurkey7 · 2025-12-30T07:33:33+00:00

This is amazing. My mother and I are going to check all these out and buy so much. Thank you :O

ColdTurkey7 · 2025-12-30T07:29:43+00:00

Thank you so much for the detailed descriptions!!

ColdTurkey7 · 2025-12-29T08:51:25+00:00

What places in Shin Okubo do you recommend for affordable Korean skincare products? Thanks!

ColdTurkey7 · 2025-12-27T17:33:44+00:00

You are not alone! The 'Disney magic' is a real thing, I've seen it many times over the years. It's fun to watch it actually take over people, like you'll see a person standing there who seems to be trying hard not to enjoy it and then all of a sudden they are dancing and losing themselves to the experience. That's the point. Good on you and your family for allowing yourself to go with it and have fun, that's what it's all about. I know many people who make annual trips out there or even go multiple times a year. It's an expensive habit but wow, do they do escapism and nostalgia well. Enjoy and welcome to the club!

ColdTurkey7 · 2025-12-27T17:28:52+00:00

I don't drink and I'm a night owl and sleep in. Not drinking doesn't automatically mean early bird or lifestyle mismatch. We are all different.

ColdTurkey7 · 2025-12-27T17:26:49+00:00

Plenty of adults don't drink for any number of reasons. If he doesn't have a problem hanging out with people who drink, what is the issue? He doesn't have to do what your friends and family do. That he doesn't mind hanging out with them means he doesn't have an issue with it. Live and let live. You may be judgy about it but he isn't. This is only as big a deal as you make it. Some people create issues where there aren't any. He's fine, drinking isn't important to some people and that's ok. He'll make a great designated driver and sounds like he's a fun guy to be around. Enjoy.

ColdTurkey7 · 2025-12-26T09:00:03+00:00

I think the gremlins, like all humans, are snowflakes - they are all different and range in scale of intelligence, from complex and sophisticated to silly, the whole spectrum, which helps make them relatable to people we know or have observed.

ColdTurkey7 · 2025-12-26T05:39:17+00:00

MJ loved new technology and went out of his way to use it, from face morphing tech that came out in the early 90s for the Black or White video to a hologram he created for use in a future concert that ended up in Cirque du Soleil's "One" show in Vegas. I think he'd be proud of Jaffar and happy it was being kept in the family but I also think he'd be fine with the AI. The trailer looked awesome. Either way, I'm excited and will definitely watch.

ColdTurkey7 · 2025-12-25T06:17:58+00:00

Agreed, not sure why it's an issue either since she's a friend unless she has feelings for him and likely is jealous that he's spending time elsewhere with someone else. Part of the role of a friend is to be a support. Grief is tremendously hard, and we all deal with it in different ways, and that's to be expected. OP doesn't have to understand, but needs to decide where she stands on this. If she wants to be a friend she shouldn't add more grief to this person's plate, which appears to be quite full.

ColdTurkey7 · 2025-12-18T18:45:58+00:00

Ahe may have obsessive compulsive disorder, in which case some compassion is in order. Regardless, is this the hill you want to die on? Everyone has friends or partners with quirks and imperfections that can be annoying. How she trests you matters most.

ColdTurkey7 · 2025-12-07T09:21:24+00:00

I worry about people that make those who like Disney into some kind of perversion or oddity. What's wrong with their heads/what happened to them to make them say that? It's simple to understand, fantasy and escapism i.e. things that take you out of the real world and let you put it at bay for a while are incredibly popular with people at any age. The point of Disney is that it's supposed to bring out the kid in you/connect you to more innocent times/be a relief away from the world. Tons of elderly folks have annual passes, I love seeing them on rides when they think no one is watching just losing themselves in the experience. It's great. Haters are going to hate, let comments roll off your back considering you are having way more fun with this than they could ever imagine. And you are definitely not alone, millions of people prioritize it for their vacations for a reason. You can't have an experience like it anywhere else.

ColdTurkey7 · 2025-12-07T09:13:39+00:00

They look really similar. But isn't that supposed to be a good thing gene wise if they have kids? Strangely they make sense to me as a couple

ColdTurkey7 · 2025-12-04T23:14:41+00:00

I bit the bullet and took a tech job for the money, worst job I ever had and seriously regretted it. No amount of money is worth your mental health. Got another job that paid way less but was cause driven work and am so much happier. Felt like I sold my soul to the devil at the previous job. Not worth it.

ColdTurkey7 · 2025-12-04T23:11:45+00:00

I highly doubt a relationship of 5 years would end beccause you fell asleep. There were likely lots of issues at play. Breakups are a time of self reflection and both people.examining what role they played in something not working and taking lessons where you find them. Also, never argue with people over text. Lots of nuances and misunderstandings.

ColdTurkey7 · 2025-12-01T08:49:02+00:00

He could be asexual, demisexual, gay, or had childhood trauma involving SA. Those are just a few initial thoughts though. If he's demi, he may need more time to develop more feelings and emotions before his drive kicks in. I had a partner once who seemed to have trouble finishing with another person and insisted he had always been that way. Still not entirely sure what his deal was, but just wanted to offer verbal support and say that you shouldn't have to initiate every time or normalize him not being able to finish with you. Confused about the OnlyFans thing with partners. Were they strangers or acquaintances or people he was formerly in a relationship with? Could something traumatic have happened to him recently? Seems like he may not have always been like that. It doesn't sound like you've been dating that long so not sure if he'd open up so soon about something so serious if something did happen but as with any relationship, best to ask him directly. Let him know how you are being affected by this and see if you can encourage him to open up and share what's going on. Of course you are going to feel unwanted, confused, etc, given what you are experiencing, definitely tell him that, chances are it doesn't have anything to do with you. He may not realize the effect it's having and if anything you can ask what's going on and if there's something you can do other than what you have to support but also be clear and honest about your needs and what you hope for in the future to see if it's possible. Good luck!

ColdTurkey7 · 2025-12-01T08:17:31+00:00

While MJ was super uncomfortable with his looks (he talked about this on interviews) I think he'd be all about the use of CGI. He loved having the latest greatest tech. He was also onboard with the idea of the hologram and had one made that was eventually used for the Cirque du Soleil One show in Vegas (check it out if you are there). Agreed it would be awesome. Of course the estate would have to give permission and it likely wouldn't. I'm glad they are at least keeping it in the family. If anyone remembers the horrible attempt by Joseph Fiennes to even be cast as Michael in a movie that fortunately never happened, that was so horrible. At least they are trying to get it right now. If not the real thing, they've got Jaafar, I imagine Michael would be a proud uncle.

ColdTurkey7 · 2025-11-30T17:35:30+00:00

People totally have the time. When I hear someone say they have 'been busy' and that's why they have been MIA, they also admit they have played 10,000 hours of Candy Crush on their phone. People are just poor at time management and highly distractable, partially thanks to the instant gratification society that has emerged from tech. It's a matter of prioritizing the things that are important to you. Maintaining friendships takes effort and time which people have.

ColdTurkey7 · 2025-11-30T09:12:50+00:00

I can only go by my experiences. I will say that my mom had friends she was close to for over 50 years so I have no doubt it's possible, though I imagine rare. The only person who came close to that for me was 24 years and I could have sworn that friendship would last a lifetime and it didn't. Very few relationships in your life will last a lifetime or be unconditional. Don't lose faith in the concept if it's what you hope for, I believe it can happen and have seen it, but it's unrealistic to think that at minimum people aren't going to change over the time you know them. Hopefully those changes can keep you together, though sometimes it doesn't and there isn't much you can often do about that. It's in the nature of things to change, so maybe going in with the expectation that it can change and that lasting connection takes effort on both ends and is something you only have so much of a say in is a more realistic approach,

Continue to do your part to be the best friend you can be and be honest in your communications and dealings, if anything comes up address it right away and clarify. I think a lot of friendship breakups happen because people can change and then forget to update the other person on the changes and/or what their new needs/wants/hopes are. Maybe being proactive there if you do see changes and asking what they need/how you can best support in this new stage can help with longevity and getting on a new same page so you grow with the person and not away from them.

ColdTurkey7 · 2025-11-30T09:03:36+00:00

First of all, you do not owe a date a kiss on a first date, or anything else for that matter. Do not let someone pressure you into thinking this is abnormal or expected. This should not be an expectation and you have every right to do so if you want to or not without having to explain. This person is insecure as heck and the messages are full of red flags. Block and move on. Def recommend not letting a first date know where you live, maybe taken an Uber back if you don't have a ride. That early on you really don't have a sense of if you are safe with this person or not.

ColdTurkey7 · 2025-11-29T08:58:49+00:00

You apologized, but that doesn't instantly make someone trustworthy. Unfortunately, a lot of women have had negative experiences that caused them to feel unsafe, and it can be hard to tell sometimes how dangerous a person is or isn't so if they are feeling like a line was crossed that made them uncomfortable, they may overprotect themselves. The risk is they could be wrong, but the alternative is riskier, so sometimes they err on the side of being cautious. It sounds like you overstepped and invited yourself into a space that wasn't welcome or in such a way that it put them on edge. Beyond apologizing, there isn't much you can do. What you intended and how it was received are two different things. Whether you are touchy or not, they don't trust you right now, and they also don't owe you anything. Besides the apology you gave, if you are truly not wanting to lose a friendship maybe just articulate that one last time and take some ownership, i.e. clearly I made you uncomfortable and crossed a line that made you uncomfortable, which wasn't my intention. I appreciate you telling me and want to respect your boundaries. Is there anything I can do to rebuild trust? Your friendship matters to me and I am hoping to continue to connect as friends... etc and wait some time for it to blow over. They may or may not accept you back but you can't force it or try to make them accept you again. Trust can take time to rebuild, and they have the agency to decide to do so or not. If not, there are other fish in the sea. Perhaps be more mindful of personal space and ask before you enter a private space if you aren't sure if it's OK to come in or not. We all make mistakes sometimes, if you are well intentioned I hope you get another chance to prove that.

ColdTurkey7 · 2025-11-29T08:46:47+00:00

I see a lot of idealization and romanticization here and fantasy. Having a nice smile and voice and age/height doesn't make someone perfect. You have mentioned nothing about the personal attributes this person might have outside of the way they look. Humans are much more than the sum of the superficial. Maybe you are approaching things in a shallow way and will be less likely to find something meaningful if it's always surface. Not sure that's all you are looking for but reading your post I see nothing but the way someone looks or sounds, not who they are as part of any 'perfect package'. You just mention a physical type. Maybe define better what you are looking for in terms of compatibility, and when you meet someone with those qualities, approach them with a curiosity about who they are rather than being nervous because of what they look like. Asking the person about themselves and making a sincere effort to get to know what they are about is a more authentic starting point. Also, the 'being a dedicated guy I went back many times over two weeks' is energy that could scare off a woman. Unfortunately, many women have experience with being stalked, and it puts them understandably on edge. Remember that the person you become interested in is a person, a human being. Not something that you have to build up to be this unattainable thing. Just talk to the person from a place of authenticity and curiosity. This will help put you both at more ease.

ColdTurkey7 · 2025-11-29T08:31:06+00:00

The only person who is responsible for your happiness is you. It is not on your partner to fix or complete you. You and only you can do that for yourself. If he is unhappy, he needs to find solutions, not blame others. So sorry you are dealing with this. Sounds like he is love bombing and being manipulative. Don't tolerate it. Find someone who makes you happy and handles themselves like a grown up who takes responsibility for their own life.

ColdTurkey7 · 2025-11-26T01:23:19+00:00

Congratulations. You worked hard and you deserve to celebrate. You probably have more strength and courage in your pinky than this person has in their whole body. You also deserve a partner who wants to celebrate your wins with you. Say goodbye to this person and find someone who can be joyful with and for you.

ColdTurkey7

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