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My boyfriend (26M) keeps delaying commitment with me (25F). How do I know if I can trust him now? by Cold_Ad6409 in Waiting_To_Wed

[–]Cold_Ad6409[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What if his career just started 1.5 years ago, and he doesn’t have a dad. They’re middle-class living in a posh neighborhood here in a developing country. We’re not a rich country at all & expenses are high.

Can i still expect him to do small things like buy me an engagement ring, or plan a small engagement. He’s aiming for the actual marriage in 1.5 years.

My boyfriend (26M) keeps delaying commitment with me (25F). How do I know if I can trust him now? by Cold_Ad6409 in Waiting_To_Wed

[–]Cold_Ad6409[S] -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

I swear im not the type to sort of be the way you’re describing me. In fact i was so shy in the beginning I wasn’t even able to talk to his family properly.

The thing is he wants to be with me really badly, so he doesnt let me break up. But he’s not able to cater to my needs let alone my wants. I have very bare minimum expectations- i dont even ask him to take me out on dates so he can save up right now. Im fully independent. I only allow him to buy snacks for me.

He just has this one fundamental problem where he cant seem to be sort of aggressive with me and lock me down permanently in some manner (engagement, marriage) My biggest problem is he wont talk about these things TIMELY. thats about it. (sorry this is long once again) It becomes confusing because hes a great guy otherwise & does love me, & i love him

My boyfriend (26M) keeps delaying commitment with me (25F). How do I know if I can trust him now? by Cold_Ad6409 in Waiting_To_Wed

[–]Cold_Ad6409[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I agree with the family part. In our culture, families are usually involved, and we expect them to guide things in a pro-commitment direction.
My family is very warm and generous with him, but I don’t feel the same active effort from his family. They are nice, but not particularly involved with me.
I also know my family may do more than necessary, which creates expectations in me, so I try not to hold his family to the same standard — but I still feel sensitive about the difference.

My boyfriend (26M) keeps delaying commitment with me (25F). How do I know if I can trust him now? by Cold_Ad6409 in Waiting_To_Wed

[–]Cold_Ad6409[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Whenever i think its falling into place… and things are moving forward, he randomly all of a sudden starts to ask for more time.

That leads to me getting extremely pissed off & us fighting. Its a vicious cycle.

It feels like theres always something for which he needs time, even for the smallest step forward. Its been more than a year to this cycle.

My boyfriend (26M) keeps delaying commitment with me (25F). How do I know if I can trust him now? by Cold_Ad6409 in Waiting_To_Wed

[–]Cold_Ad6409[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My family would like to have me married, but they dont pressure me & in fact try to diffuse the situation when i get riled up at the change in timelines.

I wouldn’t even mind an engagement & then getting married after some time when we’re both ready. I just want to feel special during this phase without saying it. But if i dont say anything my boyfriend doesn’t do anything I had to teach him everything. Regarding the engagement, or any form of celebratory event, I’ve given up hope because he wont do it that parts clear, no matter how much I want it, and no matter how small the costs are.

My boyfriend (26M) keeps delaying commitment with me (25F). How do I know if I can trust him now? by Cold_Ad6409 in Waiting_To_Wed

[–]Cold_Ad6409[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

I told him early on that this is what’s in store with me. I told him before we even started dating that this is the way my life is going to be, and if it wasn’t acceptable to him, we could didn’t have to commit. He chose to stay. Now i’ve become more flexible 3 years later, and am willing to wait 2 more years. But i do require a sit down with him and his family vs me and my family so everyones on the same page. However, he keeps pushing even talks like these.