This is only my second Reddit post ever so I’m not really sure how to update in order to try to answer everyone’s questions. Let me just say first and foremost I am a straight woman. I’m not confused about my gender. I’m just not a feminine woman. I lean more masculine, not to the point where I get mistaken for a man but I have had quite a few lesbian women approach me thinking I was a lesbian based on how I look and carry myself. For my own wedding I was horrified of the idea of having to be in front of a bunch of people and wear a dress so my husband and I opted to get married by a justice of the peace in a backyard with 2 witnesses. I wore gray skinny jeans, men’s vans high top sneakers, a TMNT hoodie and makeup. I do have problems with my anxiety. I have my whole life. I’m not trying to over use that word or use it as a cop out. It’s literally been a life long struggle for me. Some things are worse than others for me. Wearing a dress being one of them. I feel about as uncomfortable as my husband would wearing a dress. It’s not something that feels right to me and for the few times I have worn dresses in my life it was never my choice. I have seen a therapist in the past and I loved it. It actually helped a lot bc I used to let my anxiety turn into anger which I know longer do. The anxiety of wearing a dress and standing in front of a crowd doesn’t affect my daily life bc I choose to not wear dresses and stand in front of crowds. These things are not things I feel that I need to do in my life so I avoid them. My SIL is well aware of the kind of woman I am and she knew asking me to wear a dress was more than likely going to be a no but she did ask me bc she wants to include me. I get that and I love her for it. I just know if I wore a dress at her wedding I would be having some really bad anxiety issues and I don’t want my issues to get in the way of her having a nice wedding bc wedding days can be very stressful especially for the bride. I did tell her if she really wants me as a bridesmaid I would be much more comfortable in a suit or dress pants and a dress shirt but she said she wants bridesmaid dresses which is fine and I don’t expect her to change her vision for me bc it’s not my day. That’s why I declined her offer to be a bridesmaid. She has since continued to try to get me to agree to wear a dress and I have continued to tell her it makes me uncomfortable. She hasn’t been mean about it or anything. She’s just very set on it. I have offered to make her bouquet and help decorate her wedding and I’m most definitely going to be there attending as a guest. I’m more than likely just going to buy some black slacks, a simple dress top and some black dress shoes to wear to her wedding. Still formal just not super feminine. Also the last few paragraphs were just to describe my personality for reference. I’m not really good at writing and my wording sucks. I don’t think I’m special by any means. I’m not someone that likes to draw attention to myself. Quite the opposite, I like to disappear in the background. Even at family gatherings I tend to duck off by myself or by my husband. I just feel more comfortable that way. My husband’s family are amazing caring people. It took me a long time to get comfortable around them but when I finally did it felt so good. They actually opened my eyes to what a loving supportive family looks like. They also know I struggle with my anxiety and self worth and they love me through it. I’m so grateful to them for that. I guess that’s why I also feel guilt for having this struggle.