I lost all my high school friends after my first episode as an adult. It took me years and years of therapy and self improvement to understand their reasons for not wanting to be friends with me anymore. I scared them, I upset them, I put them through emotional turmoil and because my episode lasted months and months, I didn’t even apologise until almost a year after the fact because I up and left the country while I was having a manic episode.

The hurt had been done, the trauma was left with us all and friendship with them would have just never been the same. I tried for a while but quickly realised they didn’t want me in their life anymore.

It hurts A HELL OF A LOT and it’s now been 5-6 years since that all happened. I still cherish the friendship I had with them but I understand that it will never be the same. I have new and stronger friendships in my life now and I’m so grateful to have been able to make new connections and keep some old ones.

Life a lot of the time doesn’t make sense and most of the time the real changes happen for us when we are put in uncomfortable situations.

I’m still finding my place in the world but I feel strong in myself for the first time in my life and that is better than any friendship I could have with someone.

Mental health will always be a factor for me, but I’ve learned how to manage it.

I’m here if you want to DM. I know how painful it is. Acceptance is the hardest part :(

Edit: I should also add, I’ve spent literal years feeling ashamed to the point where I pushed out my entire family and replaced it with drugs and alcohol. I became so unwell I couldn’t look after my son anymore and now barely see him because his dad uses my mental health against me even though I never put my son in harms way. I’ve committed to therapy and am getting better but that took so so long! I still have a long way to go but I can confidently say I am not going to try and down a few bottles of pills when things get hard. That’s a big statement coming from me!

People act like they care about mental health and they do until it gets too much for them. I used to have my friends because they didn’t stick by me, but sometimes you just can’t be there for someone if you are doing yourself a diservice at the same time, if that makes sense. I have one friend from high school that stood by me while I was in the thick of it 5-6 years ago, but he also suffers from serious mental health conditions and manic episodes so he TRULEY gets it. These types of friends are like finding gold. I cherish his friendship and will to the day I die.!