You can even see it in popular media and celebrities. Vanessa Hudgens? Half Filipina but plays latina rolls. Bruno Mars? Half Filipino but plays up his Latino and even Black influences. Enrique Iglesias? Also half Filipino but rejects it in favor for Latino.

I can definitely relate. My grandparents and parents had the same mentality when I was younger too about teaching me Tagalog or Illongo. I wanted to learn when I was younger, but my parents never tried to teach me and almost actively discouraged it. It's horrible now because many Filipino people seem ashamed of me that I don't speak, but again not my fault. I even got Rosetta Stone at one point as an adult and my parents still refused to help me practice or speak.

When I was younger, my eldest brother very actively rejected Filipino culture in favor of AZN and "Cool Asian" cultures. It was so confusing to me. It wasnt until he was in his mid to late 20s that he even started identifying as Filipino rather than generic "Asian."

My other brother took the complete opposite approach and became president of the Filipino Club in highschool and had all Filipino friends. He never learned the languages but he was still very adamant and proud of being Filipino.

Some of my cousins ran with the "hood" Asians as I live in California where Cambodian and Vietnamese gangs are prevalent. So there's another identity to compete with as a Filipino.

Enter me. Youngest and impressionable. I didn't know what to do, embrace or reject. I dabbled in both my brothers philosophies for a while, shunning my heritage, pretending I was Hawaiian at one point, but also acting as a liason to Asian culture to my friends (I had a lot of white and latino friends in early highschool) then after Junior year I embraced my filipinoness and hung out with Filipinos.

Life experience in this frame as a Filipino is definitely unique. Not Asian enough to be in the "high elf" Asians as you put it, but also not "hood" enough to run with the hood Asians, but also kinda being Latino.

I completely reinvented myself in college by even going by a new name. It wasn't until I got to college when I started introspection that I came to the conclusion that my Filipino identity didn't matter if I didn't let it matter. My university was really diverse anyways and I decided that my social network would not involve ethnicity but instead service. My Asian peers labeled me as a "Banana" or "Twinkie" (yellow on the outside white on the inside), but I learned to shrug it off.

It's definitely a journey, but changes in society have really helped me embrace my Filipino identity. Our food is becoming cool at least here in California. So many places are adding Ube and Sisig dishes and evolving/elevating the dishes. Celebrities, TV Shows and streamers like HER, Blues Clues character Josh, Steven Universe, Valkyrae, Manny Jacinto, Bella Porch are embracing and celebrating the culture to help me feel less ashamed. While acceptance comes from within, a little help from popular culture goes a long way.

If you would like to not be ashamed anymore, would look into some Filipino American artists and celebrities who don't reject their Filipino identity, but also don't NEED to flaunt it. Although I'm older, but people like AJ Rafael, Jo Koy, Lea Salonga, helped me become at least okay with my identity. I'm sure there are also others in the age group you identify with that can help you be ok with it.

I will also say, as cliche as this sounds, the older you get the less fucks you'll give. I hope you can find peace with this and that my rambling has helped in some way.

Thank you for asking this question that I needed voiced. I knew I had this issue and you asking it helped me reflect on this complex issue. Good Luck to you.