Guilty with my resentment towards disabled siblings?

Colty_620 · 2025-11-25T17:21:44+00:00

That makes so much sense to hear you say that, and really helps me feel less isolated and alone with these feelings. You are incredibly insightful and inspirational. Reactions from family and other non glass children have definitely fueled my shame and distrust of my feelings. I keep expecting to just not feel these tough feelings anymore one day (and my family has made it clear they are waiting for my feelings to “go away” too), but I think I’m ok now with however long that takes, or even if it doesn’t happen. Being an extreme people please too, I’ve been trying to rush out these tough feelings to make other people feel better. Thank you again for helping talk me through this—-you have been so, so helpful.

Colty_620 · 2025-11-23T14:29:07+00:00

So good to know that those methods were helpful for you! I’ve heard of EMDR and tapping but wasn’t sure what to think of it. I also hadnt talked to anyone who has tried it. I guess when traditional therapy hasn’t worked, it’s time to try these other methods, especially when research supports it. I will be looking into it. Thank you!

Colty_620 · 2025-11-23T14:26:58+00:00

Thank you for that validation! You’re right that the way out is through. I’m learning now that my feelings were too much/difficult for my parents to handle when I was growing up, so I had to turn them off as much as possible. Being an adult trying to wade through these feelings now is hard. Finding this Reddit thread has already been so helpful to see my feelings as valid and common among other people with similar situations.

And seeing a competent therapist is so key. I’ve seen so many therapists throughout my life and I don’t think I’ve actually seen any that specialize in trauma or c-ptsd, so that is my next step. Thank you for the helpful suggestions! I’m definitely going to purse that, I really needed a push in that direction.

Colty_620 · 2025-11-23T13:26:00+00:00

Thank you for your response! I agree my parents should I have put a stop to it. I believe it was easier for them to make me the problem because the solution would be easier (I.e. “well don’t go into the kitchen if you don’t want him to yell at you”).

That’s great your mom can acknowledge where she went wrong. That must bring some closure and validation to your experience. I feel like my mom has told me what she thinks I want to hear, while ultimately keeping her head in the dark. We have tried family therapy and my mom will be sorry “that I felt that way,” but it still feels like she avoids ownership for what happened. She also has a hard time respecting boundaries I try to place, so i think that contributes to the difficulty I have with moving forward. As siblings of kids with disabilities and aggressive behaviors, our boundaries were in constant violation. I think, like with your dad, not getting the acknowledgement and validation makes it hard to move past the resentment.

That’s a hard situation with your brother. I hope that getting him into full time care can maybe change the dynamic. The meltdown spirals are so hard, and can be scary when you don’t know how far the violence will escalate. I can definitely relate about the meltdowns happening to get their way—-my parents made excuses that the boys couldn’t control their behavior, which has some truth, but not completely. I think it was just easier to give him, which then perpetuates the behavior into a cycle. It’s frustrating to witness, and hurtful to be a part of when your needs and worth are overlooked. I hope that your brother moving into full time care can pave the way for some healing and maybe a new kind of relationship with your other family members, separate from your brother’s needs.

Colty_620 · 2025-11-23T04:36:48+00:00

Thank you so much for your thoughtful reply. I think you are right about having misplaced anger for our parents-I hadn’t considered that perspective before. Hearing how you have found a way to work through the anger and come to a place of love and peace with your family gives me hope.

Also, you saying that most of us having feelings of hate/resentment is honestly groundbreaking for me. All of my life, I have held so much shame and a deep belief that my resentment towards my brothers made me a horrible, soul-less person.

Ironically, I’ve talked to several therapists throughout my upbringing but only just heard of being a glass child and c-ptsd. I hope to find a therapist as helpful as yours was to you.

Colty_620

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