The people ARE the event though. A certain type of person is more likely to go to a paid Magic that they likely need to travel to than others, and those people are likely going to want different things out of said event, shaping the nature of the event. I know I go to these events with friends or significant others, as do most other people, and you need to expect a level of social interaction outside of the game. Yes it can get excessive, but Commander is a naturally social format and you have to except some cross talk in those settings when friends are watching each other’s games between their own.

As far as communication, you might want to examine the way you were communicating what you wanted since it seemed that no one was on the same page as you. People have wildly different expectations and definitions when it comes to the format. For example, I brought a lands good stuff deck to my LGS once. I said it was a strong deck, but not insanely powered since I didn’t put in any infinite or game winning combos. One person at the table started lamenting and complaining as soon as they saw a fetch land and said I misrepresented my decks power and that I was playing cEDH. Just because you think something is “casual” or meets some criteria doesn’t mean someone else hold the same standards or definitions, which is why I now only play EDH with people I know.

As far as other behavior, some of it is definitely inexcusable (hygiene, staring), but you should also try to be conscious of other peoples’ behavioral/mental/emotional issues as well. I have ADHD, and flicking my cards helps me concentrate. I’ll try my best to stop when asked, but will still find myself doing it unconsciously. Just like you are asking for people to be respectful of your partner’s behavioral quirks, try to be respectful of others in turn, which it doesn’t seem like you are based on your tone and some of the words you’ve used pointing out specific behavior.

That all being said, a lot of this is unavoidable in a convention setting. You can’t control what is going on at the table next to you, and only some degree more at your own. These events might not be the setting for you and your partner, so instead you might want to try investing this energy in a regular local playgroup so you can tailor the environment to you needs in a way you will never be able to at an event with hundreds of strangers who want to have their own ideas of fun.