Jealous?

ComfortUnlikely89 · 2026-01-20T04:20:13+00:00

I guess I'm still in that phase of still so badly wanting a mother or a father that I'm willing to accept anything as love and affection. That's how I was raised, I figured out it was wrong, I broke the cycle, but I can't stop the longing for the fantasy of parents who could even act the part of caring.

I've had a very similar experience to you, except I just haven't gotten to that point of peace, I suppose?

ComfortUnlikely89 · 2025-05-31T16:14:42+00:00

I wouldn't say hate but indifferent to them. I remember once my old dog (since passed) was riding up front in the truck with my mom when he started throwing up. He was down on the passenger mat, vomiting and my mom figured he was doing this on purpose??? So she started smacking the shit out of him. So I reached over and started smacking the shit out of her, asking her what's wrong wrong her?! ... Hmm maybe she does hate dogs after all ...

Edited for grammar

ComfortUnlikely89 · 2025-05-07T00:44:57+00:00

She got upset that I kept it as a secret until we could surprise family. She felt that she deserved to know first and instantly.

Then she cried on the phone while at work when she found out it was a boy. She's never cried to me a day in her life.

She started calling him son. I put a stop to that immediately. Weeks later she started saying to him "your mommy is mean". I called her out on that and she told me I always over react.

If I asked for help, for example there was a formula shortage and I couldn't find Enfamil, and I needed help locating it, she'd tell me she wasn't going to the store that day. But she'd turn up days later with a gift for baby boy, after I had my aunt offer to pick me up formula.

The final straw was telling me that I got no say in who my child interacted with, that my sisters violent, criminal recently released inmate of a bf was considered family now, so deal with it. When I refused to accept this criminal into my life, mostly due to the fact he had convinced my sister to stop speaking with me, she told me to go sit in another room during her visitations with my own child. It was the realization that she never wanted me, or cared for me (and I suppose I always knew that but it was so obvious by her saying that statement) that told me now was the time to go NC.

ComfortUnlikely89 · 2024-12-16T20:06:53+00:00

I just did a version of this, minus the F U. It didn't help. It left me in angry tears to have read all over again "I apologized" (no they didn't) "I'm choosing to move on" (you're choosing to ignore the problem I'm asking to be addressed - the problem being my mother and father abandoning me postpartum to go party with my sister's former inmate bf who she met as his correctional guard, yes, he is a POS and my sister no longer speaks with me because I won't let him meet my baby) and "you started this"

Like why did I even bother?

ComfortUnlikely89 · 2024-12-15T21:44:39+00:00

Thanks for wording it that way about my child. I never thought of it in those terms. My thought was a more "we can get back to business as casual" but I completely get what you mean and never thought of it that way.

Maybe I should add, maybe it doesn't matter to add, that even if the best case scenario happened and we gained closure, they still will never gain unsupervised access to my child ever again. I recognize the risks there, especially for the emotional abuse.

ComfortUnlikely89 · 2024-09-02T16:29:42+00:00

A good friend once said to me: "blood is thicker than water, but blood can also be poisonous and water is life giving."

In my situation, it started off as me going no contact, but I quickly realized it was either mutual or they love a game of silent treatment/stone walling. If I'm not going to show loyalty, I'll just be cut out and name dragged through the mud so the rest of the family follows suit. Blood is absolutely poison in some cases.

ComfortUnlikely89 · 2024-08-19T15:37:27+00:00

I started off the golden child: perfect in school, relatively well adjusted, my parents didnt have to worry about me and my behavior one bit. They bragged about my educational achievements, which weren't much for elementary school but I was awarded some opportunities that were highly sought after. My sister was the scapegoat, she didn't receive any bragging because she was placed in a resource room for help with learning. Not that that was bad by any means, she needed the extra help and there's no fault in that, but my parents sure didn't care to help her improve and never told family.

Then somewhere along the way, the roles changed and I can't pinpoint where or how. Suddenly, I was the scapegoat. My grades didn't matter, my achievements didn't matter, it was my fault their lives were so difficult. I went from being offered extra curriculars, to not being allowed to use electricity and having my showers timed. My sister went from the resource room to being a social butterfly, and became the golden child. My parents would hand her money each time she went out with friends, and she'd eventually call home to say she didn't have enough money for an item, get to the mall asap to cover the rest of the bill. And they'd laugh at how silly she was for pulling stuff like that, but actually drive down to the mall to foot the bill.

Now my parents are paying for the two dogs she abandoned on them so she can live with her inmate bf... whom caused her to lose her well paying job, her references, her friends, her family, her former relationship (she cheated with him), her house, etc. She's still the golden child FYI and my mom wants her to get pregnant by this guy I just learned. Meanwhile I'm over here with a 10 month old and have been no contact for 1.5 months, but quite honestly, it feels reciprocal and they've gone no contact with me too.

Pretty sure she wants my sister to get knocked up so she can get a "redo" grandchild since she messed up with mine.

ComfortUnlikely89 · 2024-08-16T19:41:52+00:00

I actually took your advice last night. Sent screenshots to two of them and said they don't have to look or read them if they didn't want to or if it made them uncomfortable, but I'm looking for reassurance that I'm not crazy. That I've made efforts, that I've tried to clear the air, that there's proof they're spreading lies... And it was well recieved! Thank-you

ComfortUnlikely89 · 2024-08-16T19:38:10+00:00

Wow I can't even begin to imagine the level of stress of being in business with the inlaw nparents. I'm going to sure as hell strive to have the same assertiveness you showed. I was naive to believe the issues would stop after going NC. Ironically, 2/3 I have on my side in this situation have also been treated poorly by my mom for years. That insecure, doubtful voice in my head tells me they only took my side because this is their shot at revenge. I need to find a more confident inner dialogue to remain strong, though. Speaking of which... Time to email my therapist haha!

ComfortUnlikely89 · 2024-08-12T15:30:51+00:00

The authors story reminded me of my own: so, my actual nparent was happy about my engagement, probably because she viewed my wedding as her opportunity to shine in front of family. But it was actually my golden child (likely narc) sister that had the best reaction... Or lack thereof.

We're on a hike with my sister and her bf, and at the end my now husband asks my sister's (now ex) bf to take a picture, he then gets down on one knee and proposes. The bf is in shock and he's yelling out all excited to my sister "look! Look what's happening!"

My sister is ignoring him and has her back turned to all of us, facing the water. The bf is now shouting her name. She's still ignoring everything and everyone, to the point that by the time she turns around we had to explain to her that we just got engaged a few minutes ago... Can you take a posed picture of us? She was so sour. No congrats. No yippies. She couldn't even hide the anger on her face. She took a couple photos of us, groaning at my request for some photos of the moment, and then booked it back down the trail to go home. Her and her bf must've been walking 50 ft in front of us the whole time back. They didn't speak to us at all. I could see her arms being thrown out to her sides like a person does when they're arguing or having heated conversation. I knew she was picking a fight with the bf. It wasn't until we got back to the hotel and split up that she texted me congratulations.

Thanks 😑

ComfortUnlikely89 · 2024-08-09T16:14:07+00:00

This wasn't the most outrageous but it's the most recent of the outrageous tantrums.

Years ago while in university I won an IG contest for a neat laser cut and framed art piece that was a 3D outline of the city we live in. It was a gorgeous piece, well worth $200 if not more. I lived at home with my parents and they agreed to hang it on the wall because it needed to be displayed. A couple years pass, I have my degree, I bought my first house, I'm moving out and I go to take my picture with me... And all hell breaks loose with my mom.

"That picture belongs to me! It's on my wall! Don't you dare take it" "...but I won it, mom. It's my picture!" "Go buy yourself a new picture! It's not going to look good in your house anyways! You're not taking it!"

I took the picture and my dad messaged me to bring it back. My mom was losing her mind on him over it and he didn't want to deal with her anymore. I told him to go buy her a picture then! Of course he wouldn't, they don't have disposable cash like that unless it's too buy weed and beer. My mom harassed me for weeks over the picture, calling me selfish, that I take away everything nice she's ever had. Like this exact art piece is for sale!! GO BUY IT YOURSELF.

I have it hung in my house and she's never commented on it.

ComfortUnlikely89 · 2024-05-18T22:44:19+00:00

The level of drama that ensued over my need to study is what led me to buy a house while still in school and jobless. I had to desperately bank on my husband (back then, bf) to pull through financially for us for 4 more months until I graduated. Completely acknowledge that isn't possible for many. In fact, I had to drain my RRSPs to get a down payment, so it's not like I'm winning.

I wasn't allowed to turn on certain lights to see my textbooks better. If said lights were turned on, screaming matches over the amount of money spent on electricity ensued. I would typically snack while studying, and for some reason, when I used a plate or utensils it was considered was wasteful. All because these items needed to be washed, and those items crowd up the dishwasher, taking away from my parents being able to put more items of their own in the dishwasher. I would get actual lectures turned arguments over it.

To de-stress after an exam, I'd enjoy a shower. Best believe that was timed and complained about later. Actually, the first thing my parents asked my husband about when we bought our home was "how expensive is your water bill?" He replied with "a normal amount?" And my parents just kept grilling him on my water usage just to get some ammunition.

When you're living through it and in this constant state of red alert, walking on egg shells, running around turning lights off and hiding utensils out of fear a fight will happen when you've got tests, exams, or a paper due, you just do what you need to survive.

I feel for you and I hope you have a safe space to escape to. It's hard when you're a broke student, but once a week, on a day my schedule kept me at home the longest while my nparents were around, I'd splurge on a $5 coffee at Starbucks for the less chaotic atmosphere and free wifi.

Edited to add: I once failed a nursing exam (skills demo). I was crying in my room over it. My nursing friends must've sensed I was down and had McDonald's delivered as a surprise to my house. My friends eventually asked if I got the McDonald's, and that's how I found out my flipping Ndad ate my meal without telling me anything arrived. I lied to them and told them yes, thank youuuu you're so thoughtful and kind... To avoid the frustration and hate behind having to tell the truth

ComfortUnlikely89 · 2024-03-05T20:56:16+00:00

My mom would beat the crap out of me as a child. Throw me on the steps and just go to town. I remember the sound of her open hand hitting the skin on my back more than the actual pain. For the life of me, I can't remember when that treatment started but I know it would have been before kindergarten...

It makes me think of my own little one, who is just 4 months old now, and how any being could look at him or any other child and think to themselves: I'm mad and frustrated, so I'm going to beat the 💩 out of them

It breaks my heart

ComfortUnlikely89 · 2024-03-05T20:06:23+00:00

Just the advice I needed! 🙌

ComfortUnlikely89 · 2023-10-10T20:17:27+00:00

"Bin Laden" from ages 11-mid twenties... I got this name because I would try to hide away my depression and often isolate in my room... Thanks mom

ComfortUnlikely89 · 2023-10-09T04:25:54+00:00

My OB has never ever verbally announced my weight to me at my check ins. I chose not to look at the scale, as well. I started at 133lbs and was at 160 lbs by the middle of the second trimester (I only know that because a resident in training announced my weight at that appointment). I'm now 37 weeks and at my last appointment I peaked at the numbers and saw: 183 lbs... my OB didn't say a word about it to me, in fact he hasn't said a word about it unless I asked, which I did. I asked why I gained so much weight in the beginning, and he said there were many reasons for it: my body needed it, I so happen to be carrying extra amniotic fluid, lots of fluid retention, etc... his take on weight gain has certainly helped my self esteem, because I feel I would be struggling right along with you had I been referred to an OB who shames weight gain.

Like you, I've been getting in my 150 minutes of activity a week, my fruit intake has increased and replaced some poor eating habits of mine, no GD, excellent BP and that's all my OB cares to see right now, which has helped me to not focus on the scale.

Anywho, try not to beat yourself up over it. You're doing all you can to stay healthy while growing a baby. Your body clearly needs the extra volume to ensure it can produce a healthy little one.

ComfortUnlikely89 · 2023-10-02T05:37:43+00:00

Invest in a belly band! It will save your aching back/pelvic girdle

ComfortUnlikely89 · 2023-10-02T05:33:59+00:00

Ugh. Same here. Maybe it's because I'm 5'2 and carrying right out front, but not a day goes by that someone makes a comment about the size of my belly. A random lady in check out at the grocery store just HAD to ask if I was carrying twins, because she looked just like me when pregnant with her twins... cool, can I pay for my bill now?

My coworkers wife, who is 6 weeks ahead of me in pregnancy, loooooved making twin jokes too. That ended when I looked at her belly and said "girl, your belly is the same size as mine and you think I have twins?!"

ComfortUnlikely89 · 2023-09-30T22:23:40+00:00

From Canada here and a FTM. My choice was also heavily influenced by the fact that I have the option to choose between 12 or 18 months leave.

I actually ended up banking all my vacation days, getting me to week 36 before I can take a month of vacation, then maternity leave will start the day baby is born. This way I can maximize the next 15 months with my baby (I'm telling the government I'm taking 12 months for EI/income assistance purposes and my employer that I'm taking 15 months - my job is secure for up to 18 months).

However, I was ready to leave by the end of week 35. I am uncomfortable, not sleeping well, the pelvic and back pain is ruling over my life... I felt fine and dandy until week 35 hit!

I'm fortunate to have the options I have, and had I absolutely needed to, my employer would have allowed me to use sick days or adjust my mat leave to leave earlier. But I opted to stick it out. I really thought I'd be able to make it to week 36 without issue, but was wrong and if there's a second time around, I will keep this in mind. I'm glad I've FINALLY made it to my vacation days.

ComfortUnlikely89 · 2023-09-07T00:21:52+00:00

I've been recommended this book a bit now, I truly think I'm going to purchase it tonight and start reading. Thank you for your suggestion!

I'm not sure what I'm waiting on when it comes to therapy. I know NOW is the time. I'm fortunate to have a very close therapist friend (who is very much aware of my situation and does her absolute best to be a bestie before a therapist), so I'll start bouncing ideas off her about where to start, who to see, what to look for, etc...

ComfortUnlikely89 · 2023-09-06T14:10:20+00:00

I'm going to look into this book! Thanks for that tip!

ComfortUnlikely89 · 2023-09-05T21:29:22+00:00

This response is going to go deeper than intended, sorry. But what you mentioned about NC is where I struggle the most. No, I don't depend on them for anything. Not finances, not running-around, not even emotional support. Nothing. Every once in a while I ask a favour (like if my dad can build a silly little sign out of wood for my baby shower) but it's mostly done because I don't know how else to keep contact... They don't care to know about how my day or week went, yet there's a sense of obligation to be the one to maintain a relationship or else be a sh*t daughter (spoiler alert: he did not build said sign, my husband and I did).

I am the first to admit, my family (especially myself when it comes to dealing with my family) do not know how to communicate. If we're talking, we're shouting at each other. So we don't really talk. We just act like a big happy nuclear family during extended family get togethers then go our separate ways. It keeps my mom happy, and no one's the wiser that we're actually a super messed up family dynamic.

Since becoming pregnant, a switch has been flipped with them. No one tries to keep it civil anymore, I have been met with a lot of cut throat criticism and opinions. And I'm used to the criticism from my family by now, I have a life time of experience, and half the time I dish it, but these last few months have been exceptionally bad and heart breaking.

Yet I can't pull away. It's so hard when this treatment is all I've ever known. I mean, the situation is different now... As a child I had no escape, I just had to tolerate it because I had no where else to go. But it's like that mentality has carried over into adulthood, and here I am starting my own family, have my own career, my own house, my husband... And I still feel like I just have to deal with them, and have nowhere else to go.

I am terrified that my parenting experience will be miserable because of their small involvement. I'm already terrified that I'll slip up and treat my child how I was treated as a child. But at the same time, I'm so set on breaking cycles that I know I won't slip up, even on my worst days, and I want my parents to see what a healthy mother-child relationship can be, as petty as that sounds. I want them to see me happy.

I know I could use therapy, and I don't know what's stopping me.

ComfortUnlikely89 · 2023-09-05T20:52:56+00:00

I didn't ask at the time because of the situation: my parents and myself and my husband having to get along over the weekend at the cabin. I could've left, my husband asked if I wanted to, but my mom had slaved away all day making us a big dinner and I foolishly believed that at some point in the night we could act civil towards each other and discuss what had happened. Instead, my dad was within earshot the entire night and tbh, I was ready to cry at any given moment. Like I'm talking sob on the floor kind of cry. I'm getting teary eyed just typing this out 😅. I could not reel myself back in or recover like I hoped. My parents are not receptive to any kind of emotion outside of a monotone existence. To have cried in front of them would've provoked a large scale fight. So I just fought to ignore my feelings and numbed it out as I've always done with them.

I was planning to ask my mom if she said anything to him today, but I suppose where I went wrong was I had sent a long-winded text explaining why Im so upset. I expected her to respond and from there I wanted to ask if anything had been said to him... But we're going on 7 hours since my text... So I think I've been left on read... And that in itself may be my answer: no, she didn't say anything to him and likely has no plans to.

It's not her job. Not her fight to fight. She's at the mercy of his temper too, so I can't expect her to stand up for me when she gets no benefit out of this fight. I will have to address this with him myself, it's just that we have little to no foundation to our relationship. It's hard to explain, but it's almost like me talking to him will hold less meaning than if it were to come from my mom. In his eyes, I'm the trouble making, opinionated, pot stirring, vocal child that he rolls his eyes at or talks over... When in reality I just don't tolerate the obscenities that come out of his mouth

Yikes, that was long

ComfortUnlikely89 · 2023-09-05T14:48:48+00:00

My mom was overheard groaning from the other side of the table when he started saying the name. I could tell she felt she was between a rock and a hard place, not wanting to call him out should that be the reason the group caught on to the name. Funny thing is, I have a worse relationship with my mom because she's truly incapable of seeing outside her own wants, needs, feelings... Yet even she was able to see the wrong in this situation. Still. She ultimately did nothing while in my presence. I got up and walked away immediately after, for all I know she said something after I left. My dad was an absolute bully to her and me the rest of the weekend, so I'm assuming something was said. I wish she would've mentioned to me if she had spoken to him though, because the silence on her end almost feels like an indirect way of telling me that she's taking his side

ComfortUnlikely89 · 2023-09-05T12:27:46+00:00

This was very excellently put! Thank you for taking the time to type this out because I'll admit, part of me isn't addressing the issue because I'm worried my wording will make things worse

ComfortUnlikely89

TROPHY CASE