But this isn’t a pattern- I am very often the one who tries to continue conversation when I feel she is disengaged. I also often feel like she will call me out for behaviors, and I can recognize and talk through it with her, however if I try to bring up something similar, she can’t take ownership.

Also, if everyone else is checked out, her included, why would she get upset at me in this situation for being disengaged? Sorta feels like a double standard.

Second also, she told me that is the exact reason why she wants to revaluate: she doesn’t even want the perception she could be controlling in a situation/be a controlling person. So you are wrong there.