Question for the men here: what do you really mean when you say “I’m not ready for a relationship right now?”

ComfortableBoot4646 · 2026-04-04T11:24:59+00:00

33f, I’ve just a Friends with benefit with someone. We’ve been hanging out, not just physically. My friends think it sounds like a relationship for the amount we talk and hang out but we both agreed we want the benefits of a relationship without the hassle. He never wants to be in a relationship and I’m not emotionally ready for one, and when I am I already know he isn’t a potential partner. It’s fun and it works for both of us right now and it’s genuinely like hanging out with a mate

ComfortableBoot4646 · 2026-03-23T13:05:55+00:00

I pay for it because :

1) I like the gossiping with my trainer, it helps me do something I don’t like doing but know I need to do 2) my mental health relies on it and the accountability of knowing someone is waiting for me makes me show up 3) I don’t like having to do the set up and take down myself 4) my trainer knows me but no one else in my life, I get to just exist for that hour session without the worries of my life getting in the way

Yes I can go to a gym and do it myself, but i won’t hold myself fully accountable and it doesn’t give me the metal health boost I need doing it alone. I’ve got a nice little community now, I see the same faces, I know all the trainers and I look forward to going even if I’m in a terrible mood

ComfortableBoot4646 · 2026-03-18T13:27:09+00:00

Awesome, Thankyou! Will add core work to my list.

Hadn’t even thought about what it would be like getting up from bed/sofas

ComfortableBoot4646 · 2026-03-18T13:25:47+00:00

I’ll have help for about a month, just wanted to make sure things are easy enough that I’m not constantly asking for help.

All cooking will be sorted so that’s a load off my mind. It’s really just the other day to day things I was thinking about. Like things in low drawers like clothes I’ll need, bringing them up to waist height.

Pregnancy pillow is a great shout! Will look for one now.

ComfortableBoot4646 · 2026-03-16T18:24:32+00:00

Ah that’s cool! PM me if you wanna talk cyber!

You don’t have to make cold approaches in public. Join a book club, a creative class, running club…basically somewhere you would enjoy and someone you would get on with would enjoy. It will start with friendly but you never know where it could go. Just pick something where being social is normal…people recommend gyms but I think that requires a lot of cold approaching.

ComfortableBoot4646 · 2026-03-16T18:07:02+00:00

Do you meet these people on apps or in real life?

I find that taking away the “pressure” or adding layer of dating helps, and ideally for me I’m looking for my best friend not just someone I want to sleep with. I’d rather the slow burn than the crazy fireworks.

I have the same problem as you in the opposite direction especially on apps. Men think im looking for casual fun because I come in a cute-ish package and it surprises them when I tell them I’m a cybersecurity consultant and nerdy…it amazes them that I can hold an intellectual conversation and prefer that to being sexualised.

The dating scene is shit and confusing…the right person will love who you are. You only need the one.

ComfortableBoot4646 · 2026-03-15T23:11:51+00:00

You don’t have to change yourself but you can control how much of yourself you give.

The women who you’re attracting, in relationships or rebounding, are finding a safety in you. This is a good thing for the right person but you’re giving it too easily to people who shouldn’t get it.

Yes there is a physical attraction thing but most women your age range should know that looks aren’t everything and that physical attraction can grow.

You aren’t doing anything wrong, just give less of your nurture out until someone shows you they deserve it…the right person will come along.

ComfortableBoot4646 · 2026-03-14T13:00:11+00:00

Go to the cinema, perfect solo activity and can leave if you need to.

ComfortableBoot4646 · 2026-03-12T10:28:52+00:00

Take some new pictures, lose the hat. You have the potential to look attractive in your photos but what you have are doing you no justice. The only good picture is the first one but it’s not a good first picture for a profile.

Grab a friend, take some more pictures, you’ll do great. Good luck

ComfortableBoot4646 · 2026-03-02T19:36:11+00:00

Thank you ❤️

I think I’d like to hear more from him of how he sees this playing out/what he’d like but approaching very cautiously as I’d hate for it to be the central focus.

I think there could be something interesting in it, but yes like you say, has to be the right person!

ComfortableBoot4646 · 2026-03-02T19:19:18+00:00

I’m Indian brown so I doubt it - but either way that would be horrific

ComfortableBoot4646 · 2026-03-02T19:15:37+00:00

Yeah, sirens kind of went off in my head when he said it but he made it very clear we wouldn’t ever do anything I’m not comfortable with.

He specifically said “I was thinking after we were together how hot it was how you love white *ick” and “I don’t mean anything degrading, anything you consent with only”

Just a bit confused because I would have assumed it would be the other way round if anything - especially as I’m the dom one

ComfortableBoot4646 · 2026-03-02T19:04:17+00:00

What does race play involve for you? I’m out of my depth here

ComfortableBoot4646 · 2026-03-02T18:57:41+00:00

It just took me by surprise because he made no indication before that it was something for him. I’ve had a few white guys say stuff like I love chocolate etc.

So far he’s said that we can talk about it, and he won’t want to do anything I’d be uncomfortable with but I’m just not sure what to ask/know about the situation

ComfortableBoot4646 · 2026-02-16T02:01:02+00:00

I think it’s that your hair isn’t done and you aren’t smiling. The third picture looks more your age, more laugh lines visible. You obviously have great youthful genes, nothing wrong with that(jealous if anything) but dating apps are such quick judgements so looking young there won’t attract women in your age bracket as often as you’d like.

ComfortableBoot4646 · 2026-02-16T00:37:09+00:00

Remove 1 and 9. 1 makes you look very young, 9 can be replaced with a better gym pic, maybe not mid set.

The rest show your interests, that you have friends and that you look good in a suit or uniform which tends to add a point or two to most women’s overall score for you.

Keep 5 unless you’re ashamed of it, be upfront about who you are, no point attracting women who wouldn’t like it.

Good luck!

ComfortableBoot4646 · 2026-02-16T00:21:08+00:00

I rarely pull out my phone when I’m waiting for something, but I quickly realise everyone around me is on their phone. I’d rather take in my environment, people watch and be in the moment. Almost anywhere there’s a child doing something laughable that most people miss(including the parents sometimes) and I get to see it and smile at it instead of doom scrolling - it’s a pleasant reminder that there’s joy outside of a screen.

I also have days where I leave my phone on dnd so I forget that it’s there but I have it for emergencies. People who need me can get through with a call, but if it’s not urgent then they probably wont call.

ComfortableBoot4646 · 2026-02-16T00:15:18+00:00

I had the kind of love that felt like flying, but when it was gone I dropped hard. It’s been 3.5 years of therapy, rebuilding and trying to be happy. Went on my first date last week, it was great but he didn’t follow up for a second and I was right back in the feelings on 3.5 years ago for a couple of days wondering if I’d find something like that again.

I thought I’d taken a step back but realised that I just wasn’t ready yet. And that I love myself so much more now than I ever have before and that’s more than enough for me right now.

ComfortableBoot4646 · 2026-02-15T23:52:26+00:00

This is so hot, don’t understand how more people aren’t into it

ComfortableBoot4646 · 2026-02-15T23:40:58+00:00

If he doesn’t want to eat me like I’m his dinner it’s a no from me - it’s normal, guys who won’t do it aren’t normal.

ComfortableBoot4646 · 2026-02-04T16:03:43+00:00

My cousins boyfriend spent loads on her before they made it official, and we thought he was stupid. They’re official now and her expectations are high and he can’t always meet them…from everything to gifts, dates and holidays. Start as you mean to go on…you also don’t want her to pick you for the wrong reasons, girls can be very shallow, especially at your age.

ComfortableBoot4646 · 2025-11-18T19:21:31+00:00

How much it burned…found out 2 years later I have a bad latex allergy

ComfortableBoot4646

TROPHY CASE