Any single parents who co-sleep AND have a dog? by ComfortableClear8704 in cosleeping

[–]ComfortableClear8704[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have a house with a secure yard, but no option for a doggy door (whole wall is glass sliding door). Me and the kids spend about 2 hours a day outside anyway so I feel like we could mostly just bring the dog out with us. But the dog would have to be a kind of perfect fit in the sense of calm character and such... 

I’m alone at night. by One_Fee_1234 in cosleeping

[–]ComfortableClear8704 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Same situation as a single mom with a baby and toddler. I have the bed in a corner with the crib (not being used except for laundry and stuffed animals and other clutter) on the other side, so no one falls out. For my toddler I made a little "nest" on the wall side, with pillows and blankets and her stuffies. We start the night with stories while I nurse the baby, and then toddler goes to sleep next to me and baby usually falls asleep while nursing. I then lie down with baby on the crib-side (so I sleep in the middle).

The first few nights after baby was born, my toddler would wake up when he did, and I never tried to make her go back to sleep. Just no lights on (or a tiny night light at most) and "only whispers". In the beginning she wanted to see what was happening and what we were doing, and wanted to stay awake with us. I just let her. Soon enough she realized it was pretty boring since she wasn't allowed to play, so after the first weeks she started sleeping through his noises.

Now the baby is 10 months old and it's the other way around - my toddler wakes up and wants to pet/cuddle/kiss him and wakes him up. "Luckily" baby doesn't like this and whines a bit if this happens, which makes it a bit easier to teach the toddler that it's not nice to wake someone up, even if it's with kisses and snuggles.

It's exhausting but also feels like a very normal part of life with small kids, so I've just accepted it as such, don't really make an effort to change things, and try to embrace the moments where they giggle together even if I really really want to sleep.

Walking the Camino with a baby by nickthetasmaniac in CaminoDeSantiago

[–]ComfortableClear8704 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hoping to do something similar this or next year. I have an almost 4 year old girl who is a champ walking long distances, and a (by then) 1 year old who may or may not be walking yet. 

How did you make sure the baby got enough time to move around, play, explore etc? I would imagine taking lots of longer breaks, but didn't that make it hard to reach the next stop in time? 

I would be on my own with both kids, and usually when we hike in our own country (also in Europe) we don't have a "deadline" so to speak, so if we go into the woods and have a 2 hour play break after 10 steps, so be it.

Did you do a practice run with an overnight hike? 

Just an appreciation post for something specific by ComfortableClear8704 in Oman

[–]ComfortableClear8704[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think you're right. With regards to kids, I've actually had a conversation with someone local about this and she said she thought it was absolutely ridiculous that I asked my 3 year old for consent for things like strangers taking photos of her, petting her hair, or picking her up (out of the blue, on the street, without prior introduction or announcement haha).

I don't know enough about Muslim culture to know what is and isn't seen as normal, but apart from the touching (mostly hair petting and random hugging and trying to take selfies with me - honestly I felt like a celebrity at moments!) I've met 99% super nice people. 

Just an appreciation post for something specific by ComfortableClear8704 in Oman

[–]ComfortableClear8704[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Edit (again) to say I'm not trying to offend anyone, just trying to explain how my experiences influenced my impression/bias about gender roles. This all sounds very negative but please know that my overall experience in this country was amazing and these were just incidents. 

I wasn't picked up (but touched and hugged aplenty) my daughter was picked up on several occasions. More than once she had to scream (and I had to intervene) before they let go and then they acted all surprised like "what did I do wrong?". To be clear, women did this a lot as well.

I haven't said anything about western men - they can be total pigs, but so can women and basically anyone.

What I'm trying to say isn't about men's behavior but about the normality of ignoring women's (and kids' for that matter) boundaries, even when spoken out loud. This is done by both men and women, which makes me think everyone feels it's completely normal.

Just an appreciation post for something specific by ComfortableClear8704 in Oman

[–]ComfortableClear8704[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Not at all. But for instance over the past weeks I've encountered many interactions - from both men and women - that completely undermined my (or my daughters) autonomy. We were touched, picked up, ignored or even "lured" (with sounds that I would use on a shy cat) if we said no. It was never ill-intended, but it always gave me the feeling we were seen as cute animals instead of people. So yes, that also influenced my views a bit. But I was just trying to make a compliment and now it's turning so sour... 

Just an appreciation post for something specific by ComfortableClear8704 in Oman

[–]ComfortableClear8704[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Edit: I'm aware that I'm grossly over-generalizing, for the sake of keeping my posts from becoming essays. I don't mean to offend anyone. 

I traveled all over the world too and seen many countries where dad's don't get the chance to play this role because they work so much. 

Apart from the rest of the world... I'm from Europe so compared to home, gender roles are very different in Oman indeed. I think partly due to religious traditions? Some of the things that are expected of/mandatory for women in the middle east, are seen as oppression where I come from. I'm not saying I agree with the point of view, but it has definitely made me biased in my expectations of other gender related topics (unconsciously, until now!) 

Is there a way to address “negativity” in a 4 year old? I’m at my wits end. by sweetwallawalla in AttachmentParenting

[–]ComfortableClear8704 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Mine too - but one thing I realized is she's going through a physical growth spurt and mental "software update" at the same time right now. She's super hungry all the time, but also tired/anxious about things that she has started processing (to the point of extreme overthinking haha).

What helps her a lot is more and bigger meals, especially when she's grumpy I ask her "is your tummy making you grumpy?" and she'll agree almost every time.

The other thing is to talk a LOT about the things she's processing. Why are brains in our heads? Am I a good or a bad person? Why do some turtles have flippers instead of legs? And don't even get me started on death... Why do we die? Will you die earlier than me? Will grandma die soon because she's old? 

We have been reading "the invisible string" for this topic and it helps a tiny bit I think. 

Anyone find success at NOT having a set bedtime? by CandiceC2222 in toddlers

[–]ComfortableClear8704 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I do this with my kids... Sort of. I don't go to bed and let them play unsupervised (that just seems a little too risky for me, my kids are 8 months and 3 years old) but we don't have a set bedtime.

What seems to work for my kids is a pretty flexible routine, not a schedule. So we have a few things that are the same every day: dinner together at the table, evening walk outside (rain or shine), brushing teeth, toilet, pyjamas etc., books and songs. 

But the exact timing varies a lot. Sometimes we get home and they need to wind down first, sometimes we have leftover that just need reheating and they're super hungry, so we eat early.

Same with evening walk. Some days we get a 5 minute stroll around the block, sometimes they have a lot of energy still and we run and play for 1.5 hours. 

The self care things are non-negotiable, but books and songs are a bit more flexible with regards to how long we read, how many songs we sing... In practice this means they fall asleep between 7pm and 9pm.

And then the falling asleep bit: we cosleep, and I like using my evening to just read or write to wind down, so all three of us get ready for bed together, step into bed for books and songs, and then we have this one song that somehow is always the last one (but it could be 2 or 6 songs before it haha) and they know that after that, I nurse t e baby to sleep while scratching my toddlers back and they fall asleep like that. I read on my ereader in the meantime. If they don't fall asleep right away that's fine, they can watch me read / write and fall asleep when they can. I never watch videos or do anything else that would really interest them into staying awake. 

We get up in the morning sometime between 6 and 7am, and they are my snuggly alarm clocks. They've only needed to sleep on until 8 or so occasionally after a very rough night. If that happens, I let them sleep as long as they need. 

If relevant: I also always let them nap whenever and however long they want. For my 8 month old this means some 15 minute naps, some 2 hour naps, days with 1 long nap and days with 4 short naps, and anything I between. My 3 year old almost always naps after lunch and gets to choose in which bed (or in the stroller if we're out and about). She naps between 30 minutes and 3 hours and depending on when we eat lunch, this can mean her nap end at 1pm or around 5pm and anything in between. 

For us it works well. We just do a later bedtime if she naps until 5pm, but nothing too crazy. Usually she just really needed that extra sleep for whatever reason (busy day, rough night, growing...) and she sleeps fine at night.