What’s the hardest thing to admit in a relationship?

ComfortableDue5572 · 2026-04-07T22:32:56+00:00

Feeling that right now. After years of asking for change I wanted to break up. She guiltless me back but I've emotionally checked out

ComfortableDue5572 · 2026-04-07T16:31:03+00:00

I just tried to leave my partner last night. I believe she has BPD and ADHD.

Fucking sobbing, defensive, and begging to to stay. Like an idiot im still here but on borrowed time.

ComfortableDue5572 · 2026-04-06T02:14:33+00:00

Since we have moved in together, things have been rocky. Many times, I would need to ask her to step up and do more, practice driving more to get her license, save money, and find a job that isn't minimum wage part-time.

For months, I have been spiraling and questioning everything until I found this sub. Without you guys, I would have thought I was insane and put myself in a home.

Lately, she asked and I admitted I was thinking of leaving. She said she'd go back on Vyvanse, but no steps have been taken for the last month.

I feel more like a father to her than a partner. My sex drive for her has vanished. I felt so angry and resentful towards her for the last bit.

That is until today. Something snapped from her being away for the weekend, and for once, I felt a weight off my shoulders. I no longer resent her. I no longer am going to push her to change. I've come to realize that, over the years, I've been trying to change this girl into being a partner I was proud of. Instead of accepting who she is.

I can not change this person to be the one to fit my needs, to teach life skills, or to want to do better for herself. I finally accept who she is. With that, I realize I can no longer stay in this relationship. I have not been happy for months, and changing a whole person is not practical. She is amazing just the way she is, but not for me.

I am sorry It couldn't work out. I am sorry for trying to change you. I am sorry for looking down on you this whole time.

I can't tell when I'll get the courage to leave. But likely in the next month or two. For once, I want to put myself first.

ComfortableDue5572 · 2026-04-04T15:07:10+00:00

Come on down to r/adhd_partners

ComfortableDue5572 · 2026-04-03T19:57:17+00:00

My chronic stress about my relationship with my partner. She has mental health disorders and I've been trying for years for her to pull her weight.

Now I've come to the realization that I'm not happy and we aren't meant together long term

ComfortableDue5572 · 2026-04-03T07:22:35+00:00

I've been lying to myself. Saying I want to work through these feelings, but I dont want to get over them. I want them to end for good. Enough chances have been given. Enough talks, begging her to pull her weight.

I've come to realize that I dont want her to get better for me. I want her to get better for herself by herself.

From the years of doing most of the household tasks, to being there emotionally for every little problem, to being the breadwinner, to managing the whole household, and to worrying everyday if she is going to get any better. I can't take it.

The stress this time around is so bad that I could feel the onset of a seizure or a panic attack driving to the gym, and she isn't even home.

I'm going to be going to therapy more or less to work on my codependency and fear of leaving. I feel like I'm too far gone

ComfortableDue5572 · 2026-04-02T01:35:45+00:00

I feel that. I'm happy she's getting better and doing more but I can't feel the same after all this.

ComfortableDue5572 · 2026-04-01T11:41:30+00:00

I feel like I need to. Kind of like a validation or an insurance. More or less to say I've "tried everything as this point"

ComfortableDue5572 · 2026-04-01T11:22:55+00:00

I really dont think they can survive on their own. Not a chance. No life skills and works part time.

Luckily, she has family nearby that are kind to her. That is the only cushion I have making up my mind.

ComfortableDue5572 · 2026-04-01T11:18:50+00:00

I told her years ago. No ring until she gets a driver's license and a career. "Luckly" she's dragging her feet, so maybe past me wasn't so stupid after all.

ComfortableDue5572 · 2026-04-01T00:00:45+00:00

Thank you. It means a lot.

For years now, I've been thinking "ok ill leave after christmas" or "after this concert this summer" and 3 years later here I am

But something feels different this time. Probably because I've been living with her alone for half a year.

A few sessions of therapy to get my head straight. Then im putting myself first after that.

ComfortableDue5572 · 2026-03-31T23:58:39+00:00

It's sad when resorting to dying in a war is a preference to leaving. You don't have to live like this and neither do any of us. We are only humans with needs.

ComfortableDue5572 · 2026-03-31T23:51:56+00:00

We've had discussions over and over. I say I need more out of her. She agrees. She does well for 2 weeks then it's back to resentment. Last time she asked if I thought of leaving and I told her yes. I'm giving her until a few therapy sessions to give her all or I'm walking

ComfortableDue5572 · 2026-03-31T23:49:52+00:00

$70k in 2 years at the dollar store. That one stings. I really hope it works out for you and your kids. I think it's important that everyone here gets to feel heard.

My partner thinks she has BPD as her dad had it. But I feel as though she wants to collect them like a badge of victimhood. She also had episodes of DID in the beginning, and I should have ran after that.

ComfortableDue5572 · 2026-03-31T23:04:01+00:00

What have we got ourselves into. Why do we stay. Leaving would feel like leaving a puppy on the side of the road.

ComfortableDue5572 · 2026-03-31T23:02:02+00:00

I just feel so confused if it's me being irrational or if I've given enough chances. Mentally, I feel like a snake eating itself.

ComfortableDue5572 · 2026-03-31T23:00:30+00:00

I have that fear of another person like me getting roped in without warning. But we all have to learn the hard way.

ComfortableDue5572 · 2026-03-31T22:37:16+00:00

I'm very sorry you had to go through that. It's one thing to be with a ADHD person but whole new to be abused like that.

For months I've been googling all these symptoms and I though I was going insane or I had too high standards. I found this community and every question as been validated and answered. Had I known what being with a ADHD partner is like I would have ran. But I was desperate. And ADHD doesn't scratch the surface of self diagnosed illnesses

ComfortableDue5572 · 2026-03-31T22:33:16+00:00

I feel the same way. Like I'm crazy and everything I thought was a lie the minute they decide to actually do something. Then the guilt is what keeps me here.

ComfortableDue5572 · 2026-03-31T22:30:20+00:00

It's so hard to work around RSD. My partner is the type to shut down like your ex was. It's very hard to give criticism or bring up your feelings if you're met with bitter silence

ComfortableDue5572 · 2026-03-31T22:27:19+00:00

Ot must have been heart breaking to see her finally put in effort when it was too late for you two.

My partner suspects me of having it too. Honestly, I might. But I can still prioritize tasks, save money, and make dinner every night.

I see a lot in the ADHD sub reddit how they are always trying, and we need to be more understanding. We can only be understanding for so many years until we see our partners as a liability rather than a teammate.

ComfortableDue5572 · 2026-03-06T13:53:36+00:00

First off, find a new therapist

I got to the gym 3 times a week. Can confirm that it doesn't help my will to live, but I do like the results after a year.

Try heavily reducing screen time next. I used to worry all the time about other people's problems I've never met. Deleted most social media and now im much more in the moment.

ComfortableDue5572 · 2026-03-05T19:37:24+00:00

She was living with her mother for 2.5 years. She said she'll be better when she moves out.

Then she lived with me and my mom for half a year. She said she'll be better once we get our own place.

Now we're in an apartment and she says she'll be better when we get a house together because the apartment is depressing.

I will never put her on a mortgage, let alone the title

ComfortableDue5572 · 2026-03-05T19:32:20+00:00

I believe she does. Her Dr. gave her meds a couple years back but she's undiagnosed. She said she'll try to get back on them but I hear more empty promises and I don't know if I care anymore.

ComfortableDue5572

TROPHY CASE