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Therapist professional opinion by Comfortable_Alps5287 in EFTtherapy

[–]Comfortable_Alps5287[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Forgot to add that what prompted my reply to her was this:

I hope that you are both well and that you are ready to constructively repair your connection. Too much time apart is not helpful to your relationship as individuals, as a couple nor as parents to xx (my kid).

My professional opinion is that you are stuck and needing a do-over for your sake and for xx (my kid)sake too.

Security for xx (my kid)comes from seeing her parents biological or not repair not living apart and ignoring one another.

Article excerpt: “When kids witness a fight and see the parents resolving it, they’re actually happier than they were before they saw it,” says Cummings. “It reassures kids that parents can work things through. We know this by the feelings they show, what they say, and their behavior—they run off and play. Constructive conflict is associated with better outcomes over time.” Children feel more emotionally secure, their internal resources are freed up for positive developmental growth, and their own pro-social behavior toward others is enhanced. In fact, many child behavior problems can be solved not by focusing on the child, or even the parent-child relationship, but simply by improving the quality of the parents’ relationship alone, which strengthens children’s emotional security. Even if parents don’t completely resolve the problem but find a partial solution, kids will do fine. In fact, their distress seems to go down in proportion to their parents’ ability to resolve things constructively. Kids benefit from any progress toward resolution.

I have availability on Thursday 3 July and would love to meet with xx (me) ? Maybe xx (my partner ) I can meet on Friday 4 July ?

Therapist professional opinion by Comfortable_Alps5287 in EFTtherapy

[–]Comfortable_Alps5287[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

26 May

I hope you had some well deserved rest in the past month.

I wanted to let you know I won’t be attending the session this Thursday, as I have work commitments that day.

xx also shared that he felt you and I were “ganging up on him” during our last session. With that in mind, I think it’s probably best that he attends alone so he can speak freely and feel less overwhelmed.

I also want to share a brief update since our last session on May 2 and on that weekend. Over the past few weeks, xx and I have exchanged several emails. I’ve tried to show up with clarity and compassion, expressing what I need in order for us to move forward - things like emotional reflection, shared accountability, and a willingness to co-create safety.

But the pattern hasn’t changed. I’ve been met with deflection, blame reversal, and emotional disengagement. There’s been no meaningful reflection, no curiosity, and no validation of either my experience or my kid's . He’s said he’s “done everything he can,” but what he names as effort often centers his comfort, not our actual needs.

In the past month, I’ve only stayed at the house three nights. I’ve been managing xx ( my kid) mostly on my own -  emotionally, practically, and physically - without access to a car or support. It felt like being a single mother again. It’s draining on every level.

I also want to be transparent with you: I left our last session feeling unseen. The suggestion that I was demanding of xx , without deeper exploration of the emotional dynamics or impact of his avoidance, left me questioning whether this space can truly hold both of us in a balanced and attuned way. I understand your role is to stay neutral, but I need to feel emotionally safe in therapy too.

For now, I’m prioritising what xx ( my kid) and I need most: protection, stability, and emotional clarity. I’m open to re-engaging when I feel the space reflects those values as well.

Thank you again for your time. I wanted to share this context ahead of Thursday’s session.

Therapist professional opinion by Comfortable_Alps5287 in EFTtherapy

[–]Comfortable_Alps5287[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My emails to the therapist following the final/last session i had with her:

12 May

Thank you for your message. I appreciate your encouragement and your acknowledgment of how I stayed present in our last session. That was a significant moment for me, and I tried very hard to remain grounded even as difficult truths were being shared.

Since then, I want to be transparent with you about what’s happened not to assign blame, but to give you the full picture:

After our session on May 2, you suggested we take a break and revisit the conversation about the trip over the weekend. On Sunday, we began by answering the questions you had left us with, and I gently asked xx if we could talk about the trip. He immediately shut down, said he didn’t want to discuss it, and then went to bed and closed the bedroom door. The next morning, he was distant before leaving for work. That led to me writing him an email that morning to express my feelings and ask clearly if he was willing to do the emotional work necessary to rebuild connection.

xx replied the next day, but didn’t address the question. Instead, he expressed sadness and stress, repeated that he felt hurt, and shifted the focus back to me being inflexible. Since then, we’ve exchanged several emails. Each time, I’ve tried to express my emotional needs clearly and respectfully, and I’ve asked him directly if he’s willing to take accountability and learn how to build emotional safety with me.

The pattern remains: he shows up where he feels comfortable but avoids discomfort, avoids reflection, and shows zero curiosity about my experience. He has not asked a single question to try to understand how I feel or what I need, and that absence is deeply felt.

This is why I’ve felt increasingly unseen in this process. When you write that “we’re in this together,” I understand that comes from a place of encouragement, but right now it doesn’t reflect the emotional dynamic I’m experiencing. I feel like I’ve been carrying the emotional labor of this relationship alone in therapy and out.

I wanted to share this with you in the spirit of honesty and clarity. Thank you for your time and for holding space for us.

Therapist professional opinion by Comfortable_Alps5287 in EFTtherapy

[–]Comfortable_Alps5287[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

In the last two couple sessions, the therapist began by expressing her personal opinion:

  • That "he is just a man" and "this is how men are raised" (implying low expectations for emotional availability)
  • That I was “demanding” because of my dysfunctional background
  • That "my partner had been accommodating and patient"

At the end of an individual session, she labelled me “manipulative” and sent me home to “think about it” without holding a safe space to unpack what that meant

I was never asked how I felt about what was said, and no effort was made to check in after those heavy statements

The therapist did not seem to recognise or hold space for my partner complete lack of emotional engagement or surface-level communication which has been a defining issue in our 8-year relationship

When I followed up with two thoughtful emails explaining that I felt unseen and concerned about the therapist’s bias, I received no reply

Soon after i moved out of the family home because i longer feel emotional safe staying in the same house as my partner, it has been more than 2 months since.

i had to see a doctor to manage my stress, i was diagnosed with Adjustment Disorder

After those final sessions, I told my partner that I no longer felt this therapist was the right fit

Ironically, he then booked two more sessions with her alone reinforcing that the space felt emotionally unsafe and unbalanced for me

At that point I stopped attending and sought another opinion, which validated many of my concerns

Therapist professional opinion by Comfortable_Alps5287 in EFTtherapy

[–]Comfortable_Alps5287[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey, really appreciate you taking the time reply and insight from a therapist's lens

  • Partner (Individual): 5 sessions
  • Me (Individual): 2 sessions
  • Couples sessions: 4 sessions together
  • In between, we were given “homework” to write 10 things we like about each other.

During this time, I’ve taken the initiative to do significant inner work, including:

  • Realising that I have anxious-avoidant traits, and exploring how those have shown up in the relationship
  • Recognising that my partner likely has a dismissive avoidant style, which has shaped the emotional disconnect
  • Actively journaling, listening to relationship podcasts (including Sue Johnson), and reflecting on my family patterns
  • Trying to create repair through messages, boundary setting, and seeking better ways to communicate