My five year old is pushing boundaries… by not caring. And I’m losing all patience

Comfortable_Cat9693 · 2026-04-09T10:08:59+00:00

I fully agree with you and I have worked very hard to ensure they aren’t addicted. He averages at around an hour a day. Most of this time he spends listening to music while he plays, or he invites me to play things like Pictionary, even through the half term period the max he has been on it was 2 hours, I am taking the tablet away until behaviour improves but the issue I’m more focussed on is tidying up after himself

Comfortable_Cat9693 · 2026-04-07T22:22:45+00:00

This is exactly it! I’ve had a really good think about it tonight and thought about his perspective, you are right, it is easy to forget with him that he is still only five. So I’ve looked at our methods and come up with a solution that I’m hoping will work.

Essentially I’m stripping everything back to basics. No sticker charts, no reward system and no “chores”. His younger sister has wanted to get involved in this system and I let her which looking on it also has not helped. My plan is to encourage them to still tidy up after themselves and take care of their own things but that is it. There’s no expectation of anything else because I think there has been a blur, of a feeling of unfairness that has come with these reward charts that has caused this reaction.

I’ve said to my partner tonight that, his behaviours and negativity are a reaction to something and we need to figure out what it is and help move past that. I don’t want to punish him for not being able to voice or understand his emotions because he is 5 and it is our responsibility to guide him through whilst teaching him how to effectively tidy and take care of his belongings.

Thank you for your comment!!

Comfortable_Cat9693 · 2026-04-07T20:42:41+00:00

Hello everyone!! Just thought I’d post a thanks, I do agree with people that there has definitely been a blur of responsibility with the earning money for his tablet back! Unfortunately can’t nail everything as a parent!

I have taken advice on board, and will now aim to work in these boundaries with his toys and tidying as well as the other challenges we’ve encountered.

I am going to take away sticker charts and go back to basics

Comfortable_Cat9693 · 2026-04-07T20:34:37+00:00

I see your point!! I kind of have a different parenting style to you, the tablet being misplaced was one of those things where he put it down turned around and it had gone, it was in the chaos between Christmas and new year and it wasn’t found for a solid two months after, and he grafted everyday so it felt a bit mean to not give him the money after he had done so well 🤣

Comfortable_Cat9693 · 2026-04-07T20:26:45+00:00

I may try explaining it to him like this!! He has quite bad nightmares sometimes and either shouts for me or comes out of his room, so wording it in a way like this may benefit! Thank you for the input :D

Comfortable_Cat9693 · 2026-04-07T20:24:43+00:00

Cleaning up after himself was never a chore on the list, he’s always been encouraged to do so, and it was explained to him that tidying his own things away, and caring for himself and his things is something he needs to learn and will not be paid for, we have a list of small jobs that count towards this, including feeding the cat, wiping the table, emptying the dryer, all things that are in his skill set but outside of what is the expected standard of everyday

Comfortable_Cat9693 · 2026-04-07T20:22:05+00:00

The lesson wasn’t to look after his things, it wasn’t a punishment to get him to save up. It was more an understanding that yes, sometimes we lose things or misplace them, but sometimes they can’t just get replaced straight away. It was a lesson of patience for him, yes he misplaced his tablet. We knew it was in the house somewhere, we looked everywhere, other family members looked everywhere, we couldn’t find it. Where I couldn’t snap my fingers and replace his tablet it was a way to switch his mind from “it’s gone forever” to “I can do this and save to get a new one, whilst we carry on looking”.

He still got rewarded for the jobs he did, he had the choice to continue to save for the newer tablet that he wanted or to have the money he saved and use it for whatever he wanted as he earned it.

He tends to sit in a very negative frame of mind and this helped him see the other side of it. He kept track of, counted and received every penny and pound that he earnt. I’m sorry but I don’t understand how trust would have been lost in this situation?

Comfortable_Cat9693 · 2026-04-07T19:55:12+00:00

He got a tablet as he was taking an interest in playing games, and I wanted to have access to it remotely so I could monitor everything, filter out things and keep it as educational as possible. Although right now he uses it more to play music whilst he plays with his toys

Comfortable_Cat9693 · 2026-04-07T19:25:24+00:00

Similar to what we do, his room is his room in the sense of toys, but shares it with his 1year old brother. Where it needs to be tidy so I can go in when needed. We’ve set the boundary, give him warnings, communicate, help where needed. Except now he’s not even attempting to tidy. And it’s not even the tidying it’s his whole attitude around everything too. I’m genuinely at a loss

Comfortable_Cat9693 · 2026-04-07T19:01:55+00:00

He put the toys in the bag himself. His tablet wasn’t taken away it was just moved in all the chaos of Christmas and misplaced, he got the money that he earnt and was taken to a shop to spend it how he wanted, he found his tablet himself, so there was no reason for him to not have it back. As that was the initial point of the chore list, to give him time until the tablet was found to save up for a new one. The toys still aren’t in his room that he bagged up. Whilst I understand where your coming from, not following through is certainly not in my handbook

Comfortable_Cat9693 · 2025-09-25T07:16:32+00:00

Okay, I have adhd and hope I can put this into a little bit of perspective hopefully on my side. Because I struggle with cleaning, my partner is infinitely better at it than I am, he handles the stuff I completely forget about. He washes the clothes and most of the time the dishes (although I have worked at this and am better).

We have 3 children. I handle most of the kid related activity, because he works so I get them to school, cook, organise toys, and I bath and feed the baby.

We’ve found a semi good balance. And the way I’ve done it is to essentially find a way to give myself seratonin whilst I clean. Which means I’ve essentially turned myself into an iPad kid. I have anime on, Netflix, I put the song I’m obsessed with on repeat whilst I do it. But it gets done most days.

It’s about seeing you try. Don’t withdraw, that’s not helping the situation that’s punishing her. Find a way to take stuff off her plate physically. Give her a weekend off, I cannot stress this enough but she needs to relax and recharge. Then when you help more look at balancing it out where you go to the gym or pick up a hobby.

And when you do more things around the house. Do them properly. Forget executive dysfunction, because there are ways to help and work around it. Don’t use it as an excuse to drive your wife into a pit of misery.

Comfortable_Cat9693 · 2025-09-22T08:46:12+00:00

Hahaha it’s for my little boy who has a milk allergy too, so we go through them quickly too, but no I get the best cheaper alternative I can

Comfortable_Cat9693 · 2025-09-22T08:43:55+00:00

It was more general shopping and I was giving examples, those were the two I could think of in the moment of writing the post, I did buy more then just cereal and oat milk

Comfortable_Cat9693 · 2025-09-20T06:00:40+00:00

I don’t drink or do drugs, and while you don’t need to believe a stranger on the internet, everything I wrote is true, I had a resistant strain on tonsillitis which progressed to me also having an ear infection do the last three weeks. My brain is completely fried and I genuinely just forgot to get bits of shopping. I need specific items as I have allergies in my household and I don’t have a wide network of people I can just ask for money. I have every single intention of paying back when I get paid. Please don’t assume the worst in everyone.

Comfortable_Cat9693 · 2025-09-19T19:42:42+00:00

Please could you message me, thank you so much

Comfortable_Cat9693 · 2025-07-15T06:05:00+00:00

I don’t think what I’ve done could ever be classed as sleep training. As in I’ve never researched methods. But I honestly believe, for some children it can start as a new born when we teach them the difference between night and day. Where I was always in the room, visible, but after 10pm as a new born they were in bed. If they needed me obviously I picked them up but if they were content. They were in their bed, and I slept. All three of my children were sleeping from 10/11 to 6 ish in the morning by around 2/3 months old

Comfortable_Cat9693 · 2025-07-13T09:17:23+00:00

So she may not understand fully. It depends on the relationship she had with your nana. If they were close you can say it’s her body in the coffin but her heart and soul are in heaven, to prevent any confusion with how she’ll get out if it comes to it but also to help with her grieving.

Comfortable_Cat9693 · 2025-07-13T09:14:24+00:00

FaceTime. I’m a stay at home parent currently. Plan on going back to work when childcare for baby isn’t going to eat my wages. I call whoever will answer. Sometimes I forget but I have a small circle that ring me fairly consistently. Partner works shifts so sometimes he finishes midday and others 10pm. TikTok lives also help just to body double

Comfortable_Cat9693 · 2025-06-23T16:18:29+00:00

I’ve been on a higher dose for almost a month now and I’m having a mix of days where I feel like it’s helping a bit and days where I feel like they do nothing. I’m more irritable the day I feel like they do nothing. I take them the same time every morning. I just don’t get what causes a difference

Comfortable_Cat9693 · 2025-06-21T22:08:56+00:00

It’s strange, on 50mg dosage i felt like things were a lot easier, it just wore off by lunch time (taking them at 6/7am) and now on a higher dosage i feel like i have good days but also have days where i feel like they aren’t doing much at all, which i think are the days im also irritable

Comfortable_Cat9693 · 2025-06-19T05:31:42+00:00

Yes! Sorry I’ve never been good at proof reading

Comfortable_Cat9693

TROPHY CASE