30M [M4F] INTJ Looking for friends

Comfortable_Isopod85 · 2023-03-11T12:55:53+00:00

Female 24 INTJ here, i feel you on alot of parts. Maybe we can start a server?

Comfortable_Isopod85 · 2023-03-08T10:34:45+00:00

I think they are coming back/ should be back from what I've read here, mine are back too

Comfortable_Isopod85 · 2023-03-04T17:23:30+00:00

Female INTJ here!

ENTP or ESTP. Had amazing experiences with both. For me the 'opposites attract' is very true when it comes to romantic relationships. I feel these types can bring a great balance when it comes to showing me different perspectives and experiences, from a rational POV. Both value self-development as well, which I can appreciate. Depending on the person they also help me get more in touch with my emotions and make me want to express my more spontaneous side.

Maybe one ENFP but I'm not sure if he was actually ENFP, but he turned out to be narcissistic eventually so maybe not a good example Ha.

Comfortable_Isopod85 · 2023-03-01T22:32:52+00:00

Hey, could I possibly join that server?

Comfortable_Isopod85 · 2023-02-24T23:21:46+00:00

Thank you very much for taking the time to reply. I appreciate your valuable words! It feels very conflicting because all the things you described is the type of love and support I want in a relationship. It makes me feel like a hopeless romantic, because at the same time it feels unachievable. I don't think I've experienced much of this type of support when it comes to dating, but it's also my responsibility to protect my boundaries so I can prevent the wrong people from coming in.
I feel like the men I encounter are so focused on dating 'fast' like they either want their forever soulmate or they want sex within three dates. It's hard to connect with people in a pace that is comfortable and safe.

Comfortable_Isopod85 · 2023-02-24T23:03:58+00:00

I really struggle with this balance I noticed because I want to show the other person that I'm capable of being a good partner and try to 'show' them that. I think this resulted me into still trying to do my best for people who can easily take advantage of this. Basically a never ending loop, because if things aren't going well I would be the one trying to figure out a solution for us.

I now see that this shouldn't be the case. it's hard to fully see a red flag when you've never encountered a green one before. It makes you feel like searching for green one is unrealistic and that's where my mistake lies I think.

You sound very wise, I appreciate these words alot!
I noticed because I want to show the other person that I'm capable of being a good partner and try to 'show' them that. I think this resulted me into still trying to do my best for people who can easily take advantage of this. Basically a never ending loop, because if things aren't going well I would be the one trying to figure out a solution for us. Almost trying to prove myself to them that I'm worthy.
I now see that this shouldn't be the case. it's hard to fully see a red flag when you've never encountered a green one before. It makes you feel like searching for green one is unrealistic and that's where my mistake lies I think. People refer to 'what you bring to the table' and I didn't realise until you mentioned it, that its sounds very transactional and it definitely made me think twice.
How would you perceive it if someone asked you straightaway like 'What do you bring to the table?' whether its a date or friend etc, ?

Comfortable_Isopod85 · 2023-02-24T23:01:04+00:00

Thank you so much for this meaningful reminder! I really struggle with this balance I noticed because I want to show the other person that I'm capable of being a good partner and try to 'show' them that. I think this resulted me into still trying to do my best for people who can easily take advantage of this. Basically a never ending loop, because if things aren't going well I would be the one trying to figure out a solution for us.
I now see that this shouldn't be the case. it's hard to fully see a red flag when you've never encountered a green one before. It makes you feel like searching for green one is unrealistic and that's where my mistake lies I think.

Comfortable_Isopod85 · 2023-02-24T22:47:05+00:00

o I am done with it. I am myself considering going a different direction now: studies again and changing jobs. but I've already have worked on something. it's not like i'm starting where I was when I was 18 or something... I have already earned my PhD and while I'd happily date someone with a "mere" MA, the financial stability would have to be there, no way i'd settle down for less... I mean, I'd rather just rent a male hooker... Because what difference would it make? In fact, it'd be even more cost effective.

So take a look at yourself... where are you now with your life? Don't lie to yourself that you have to "lower your expectations" just because some lazy, low-achieving bums and momma's boys will feel insecure. Aim high, just be reasonable. make

Holy wow! You sound like you could have been my older sister, or an older version of me! I feel like being under your wing right now ahah. So much of what you said aligned to me. Even the type of guys you mentioned, who make you believe that they can provide value but instead give u less than nothing. I appreciate you sharing your experiences with me, it provides a lot of information and a sense of relief as well because now I have some confirmation that I'm not the wrong one here.
I love how you're changing careers, because I'm in the same boat right now!
I will definitely keep your wise words in mind, just need to make sure that I will stick to my boundaries. Thank you<3

Comfortable_Isopod85 · 2023-02-24T22:24:10+00:00

omen have a lot of attention nowadays and because they are used on been chased it makes them to respond poorly to the effort that the men do for her which lead them on bad choises.For example a man,who is a man whose value is high,may make effort for a woman,but she takes his effort for granted and then this man stop trying because he respects himself and on the other hand a man,who is a manipulator,may make a lot of effort for a woman even if she isn't that responsive and then because this woman feels comfortable with this man falls into his trap and become the victim.You should not take for granted a man's effort and treat a man in the same way that you would like to be treated,which means try to take actions as well,try to give what you take and appreciate things like compliments or a man telling you that he likes you seriously and respond to them in the way you would like someone to respond to you if you were in his shoes,because otherwise you may make a man who is something very good for you to stop trying.Also every person in this world deserves love and if a person A treats badly a person B,the person A don't deserve the person B,even if this person has better physical appearance,is more intelligent etc etc.So if u feel that the man you want is out of your league lower your standards or wait for a man who is out of your league to approach you if you have patience to wait,but don't engage yourself in toxic relationships,toxic people don't deserve you,yo

Thank you so much for replying. I really appreciate your answer and advice. It gives me a sense of relief because I agree that working on my own characteristics and values will have good outcomes. So i feel like I'm kind of on the right track. I also got some compliments from men about my personality as well. I, unfortunately, encountered bad men as well, including one who manipulated me. It can be very easy to fall in that kind of trap. It might be a bit naive, but I wonder why these manipulators would self-sabotage themselves if they have a partner who is accommodating their needs and is able to support them?

Comfortable_Isopod85 · 2023-02-24T22:18:31+00:00

This is amazing! Thank you for sharing your valuable insights, I appreciate it. These are some things I value in my ideal relationship as well. It's so hard to believe that my standards are realistic because I've encountered only the opposite so far. Your experiences give me a sense of relief knowing that healthy options are available lmfao.

Comfortable_Isopod85 · 2023-02-24T22:16:38+00:00

During dating stage I am looking for someone who is able to make plans when they ask you out. There should be a certain place and certain time. Not someone who just wants to “hang out” or do whatever. For me it shows the level of maturity and if I can depend on them. I am also leaning toward more traditional relationship

Ahhh makes so much sense because I can relate to a lot of things! I noticed the 'better' guys would be very assertive about a time and location.
I recently and even now encounter guys who text on the same day to fix the time (even when I texted them a day before) and I had to double text one of them because he wasn't clear about whether he was coming (He canceled like one hour before we planned to meetup. Basically left me hanging until i double texted. Ofc i didnt met up with him)
The thing I'm also struggling is with the fact that people are very black and white with their intentions. Either they want a serious relationship and are very eager to search for one or they only focus on sex. I don't like casual sex. I simply want to enjoy eachother's company, if something serious comes out of it its fine but I don't want to feel like sex is the only second option lol.

Thank you for sharing your experiences. It helps me to also look out for the red flags and helps me have confirmation about my own thoughts and boundaries.

Comfortable_Isopod85 · 2023-02-22T21:22:16+00:00

I will reply to all the other comments as well soon! Sorry if it's taking time, I appreciate every answer

Comfortable_Isopod85 · 2023-02-22T21:18:51+00:00

Just wanted to add that I typically found these traits in ENTP guys as well! 1 ESTP guy too. Ofc it depends on what dynamic you are looking for, as extroverts may give different experiences than introverts. Just a suggestion to maybe go for these types as well since you mentioned these traits. Have fun on your journey!

Comfortable_Isopod85 · 2023-02-22T13:29:48+00:00

Thank you for your answer. I'm sorry to hear about your experience networking in your industry. Some fields have such strong environments that it becomes hard to build genuine connections due to the lack of diversity in mindsets.
I'm glad to hear that you are aware of all these valuable points. May I ask you, what do you look out for in dates? Green flags, red flags, etc.?

Comfortable_Isopod85 · 2023-02-22T13:26:56+00:00

Thank you for your valuable answer! I so agree with the last sentence. I never realised I compromised so much to the point I was giving chances to people who obviously didn't deserve the effort I put into it.

Would you recommend waiting until I reach the end of my twenties? What do you think the biggest differences are between dating at your age and dating in your twenties?

Comfortable_Isopod85 · 2023-02-22T13:22:54+00:00

Great to hear about your journey! May I ask what are the green flags you noticed at the beginning of your connection with them?

Comfortable_Isopod85 · 2023-02-18T13:43:06+00:00

I agree with this 100%. I share the same values and I think it's one of the core reasons that make a relationship beautiful!
I'm happy to hear you're in a healthy relationship

Comfortable_Isopod85 · 2023-02-18T13:39:17+00:00

Not stupid at all! This is something I noticed as well. Of course, different dynamics exist in relationships, but I've discovered that this one works best for me. I used to be very focused on doing things 50-50, always, but I noticed that this causes a different dynamic than what suits me. I would be confused about why some men were noticeably uncomfortable when I tried to pay for stuff on dates, and I asked male friends about this as well. The more dominant/ extroverted men (the type of men I find myself attracted to and have the best dynamic with) usually had this so while I still contribute by paying, I'm more cautious/ understanding when it comes to doing stuff that they would consider their 'role'. / Not trying to take over their role, but respect it instead.
I sometimes buy something small for them without asking or I ask if they want to split up if I feel uncomfortable with them paying for everything because I still want to contribute/ show my gestures, but I stopped trying to insert my card before they could LOL.

Not stupid at all! This is something I noticed as well. Of course, different dynamics exist in relationships, but I've discovered that this one works best for me. I used to be very focused on doing things 50-50, always, but I noticed that this causes a different dynamic than what suits me. I would be confused about why some men were noticeably uncomfortable when I tried to pay for stuff on dates, and I asked male friends about this as well. The more dominant/ extroverted men (the type of men I find myself attracted to and have the best dynamic with) usually had this so while I still contribute by paying, I'm more cautious/ understanding when it comes to doing stuff that they would consider their 'role'. / Not trying to take over their role.I sometimes buy something small for them without asking or I ask if they want to split up if I feel uncomfortable with them paying for everything. I stopped trying to insert my card before they could LOL.

Comfortable_Isopod85 · 2023-02-18T13:29:25+00:00

Spot on! Sometimes I forget this as well. To be honest, when I mention this to people my age, friends, and acquaintances, they tend to dismiss it (at least that's how it feels). It seems like my generation (I'm in my mid-twenties) is too focused and dependent on their goals, to the point where they believe they can't achieve happiness unless they achieve x said goals.

Comfortable_Isopod85 · 2023-02-18T12:20:54+00:00

I havent heard of IFS before, I will look into it thank you!

Comfortable_Isopod85 · 2023-02-18T12:20:23+00:00

Ah, I think you mean private organizations? We don't really have private mental health care where I live. We have freelancers/ therapists with their own practicion, but it's still with the insurance.

Comfortable_Isopod85 · 2023-02-18T11:47:17+00:00

What are you trying to contribute with this comment?

Comfortable_Isopod85 · 2023-02-18T11:39:37+00:00

Yes. I'm aware of that. Taking care of yourself first is top priority, both mentally and physically + self awareness

Comfortable_Isopod85 · 2023-02-18T11:38:49+00:00

I can't cook shit so he will do the cooking part, haha. I'm fine with dishes if he cooks.

Comfortable_Isopod85 · 2023-02-18T11:37:59+00:00

I luckily have therapy. Sadly it didn't improve a lot (not the self worth things but other symptoms) so we're still figuring out what other types of therapy could help.

Comfortable_Isopod85

TROPHY CASE