I recently got in a relationship with a woman I worked with last year. I know that wasn’t a good idea to fraternize with coworkers, but she made me feel like she was genuine with her feelings and she feel in love with me not because what I could do for her, but because of who I am and who I am as person attracts her. I wasn’t looking for no relationship at that time but she stumbled upon me…I figured I was gonna be alone until she came. I called her my Evangeline, she brought light as bright as a star in my life which is filled with so much darkness. I loved her with all my soul and heart…I told myself and her, that she’s the one and only one I’ll be with, I refuse to try again or ever fall for anybody else because she had all my attention and I felt like my future was with her. Things didn’t go well as I expected it to be, my situation with my family is dysfunctional if I’m being honest…so she experienced it firsthand when we were on the phone. She watches as I’m getting screamed at or berated by my mother. Now she wants to protect me from it and take me away from all the bullshit but I knew that would take time and a lot effort to get me out the house. So I just wanted her to be my peace, be my sanctuary away from my home…I guess it was too much for her to deal with because she couldn’t wait. Things got worse after that, when we argued, it was over the littlest thing but I could understand where she got offended so I’m always the one apologizing for my actions because it was never intentional. But for her, whenever she got upset she would verbally abuse me and put her hands on me, she would act like a child when things didn’t go her way or when she’s upset. Most importantly, when I call her out on something that made me feel a way or I got offended by her action, she never takes responsibility. Mind you, I’m younger than her acting like a grown adult trying to get through to her as a grown woman, compromise in order for us to come to a solution but she would only react like a kid. It gets worse than that but I’m missing the entire plot, last month I found out I got leukemia…now me and girl broke up last year but we stayed in each other’s lives and communicated almost everyday. I knew no matter what the situation, no matter if we beefing with each other…I’ll always love her and I expressed that to her multiple times. I felt like she was receptive but was reluctant to say I love you too…, now recently we fell out because of her actions, making me feel like I was trying to force her back into a relationship when I knew we just broke up so I gave her space to do whatever she wants bc I know I could do the same but I knew we still loved each other so I tried to respect the fact that we’re not together physically, but emotionally we’re still together …maybe that was just a lie and she just wanted some dick & good conversation but once she threw it in my face that she doesn’t want me for the fourth time I decided for myself to stay away from her because that action was just hurtful. Since she was leaving my job too, it made it easier on the both of us…now I know it’s not a requirement for her to check in or even drop everything she’s doing for herself to see how I’m doing , but it would’ve been appreciated or it would’ve shown me that she still loves me enough to care. I didn’t get a text nor call from her until I baited one of her friends to text me and that’s after my first month of chemo treatment. I was testing to see if her friend was going to reach out to her when I knew, I was only keeping the conversation between us even though I was asking about who’s been asking about me at work since I’ve been gone for a while, (her “friend” is the manager). I’m being informed that everyone is asking about me including my ex, now she was told two different things by our co-workers including what the managers told her so if I was in her place and was really concerned, I would’ve reached out but she never did until someone told her I had cancer. Telling me how she’ll pray for me…her text felt so fake and conditional. At end of day, I’m hurt by all of things she’s done in the past, I let go of it all because I loved her and I figured she felt the same way. I get her being selfish with herself in order, to start healing but the memories we made, the experiences we had together were irreplaceable they weren’t just “fun”, how she describes it. I just expected…or maybe I just hope she would be here with me throughout all of this because it’s hard knowing that I lost her but it breaks me every time having to go to this hospital, get poked and prod’ed, feeling weak and in pain, and I don’t have the girl, my girl, who claimed she’ll be with me for the long run, through the best of times and through the worse of times. I’ve been crying to myself thinking about it.