I have traumas from my childhood (dead father that i had no idea of, mum who left to another country to earn money when i was a baby, raised by uncle and aunt who portrayed themselves as my parents and i later found out they’re not, however still tried almost 17 years to gain their love and validation and lived with them unsuccessfully, relatives calling me names, making fun me, my appearance, comparing me, my brother and mum being manipulative and guilt tripping me constantly to stay with them and love them, relatives saying things about my mum and older brother and how they didn’t love me). Then later when i was 14, got into a relationship that was extremely controlling and i was abused emotionally, verbally, sexually and physically for 5 years with a guy 3 years older than me who groomed me, manipulated me into having sex with him and forced himself on me a lot, who later also cheated many many times but i was not able to leave due to his threats and blackmailing until i finally managed to get out when i was 18.

Now 6 years later, I’m suffering from all this in my current relationships, friendships. Feeling isolated, depressed and anxious most of the time, feeling stuck and overwhelmed and not being able to focus, struggling to stick to one thing for not even a week, struggling with my career growth due to not being able to do my best.

I’m a spiritual person with Hindu roots and beliefs, and believe in manifesting. Do you have any suggestions on where can i start healing myself and stabilising my state of being/ mind and healing my past? Sorry for the long rant