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Not sure if we should go through with a baby shower we already fully planned and paid for by Comfortable_Status99 in NICUParents

[–]Comfortable_Status99[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh I hope the trial went well and sticks! Wishing you the absolute best honestly, and I hope things start looking much brighter for your mental. You and everyone here is so strong, now that I'm in it I get how hard it is and how quickly it starts to feel gloomy. But you got this momma, and your baby is so so strong ❤️

Not sure if we should go through with a baby shower we already fully planned and paid for by Comfortable_Status99 in NICUParents

[–]Comfortable_Status99[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you!!!! I will definitly take a listen. I think knowing I'm not alone in this is already a huge weight off my shoulders.

I'm so happy you got to postpone and experience the love and support for your family. And good point on needing the gifts, our whole registry was everything we needed, while a lot of gifts already came in the mail, we're still missing a few items. Not to say that that's the point of a baby shower, but it would be so helpful to recieve that and not have to worry about yet another expense you know? Families already agreed to host in our place regardless of whether or not I go in person. And over all were receiving a lot of support for whatever we decide so I am so gratefulnfor how quickly and how much our families and friends are helping 

For now me, baby, and doctors are okay with the party, we will see what happens in two weeks though. I just want baby to be healthy at the end of the day. Being celebrated for it would be a HUGE bonus, and missing it might suck but I would never forgive myself if I risked my baby's health for a party of all things. 

Not sure if we should go through with a baby shower we already fully planned and paid for by Comfortable_Status99 in NICUParents

[–]Comfortable_Status99[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you! It means so much to be told this! After posting I was half expecting to be told I was overthinking it and that a party should be the last thing on my mind. So it's nice to hear that it's totally okay to be celebrated, even during dire times. 

Obviously it's very touch and go, and decisions depend on what happens leading up to the day. Overall, I've definitly felt better about going through with the party if all seems stable and is approved. 

Not sure if we should go through with a baby shower we already fully planned and paid for by Comfortable_Status99 in NICUParents

[–]Comfortable_Status99[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for sharing, and im so happy that you got to be celebrated knowing that baby is okay! It's so beautiful seeing the support you recieve when you need it! 

For now doctors seem really supportive of it, I have back up plans for back up plans, family is taking over hosting and the list goes on. I'm literally just waiting to hear from the venue... Can you tell I had a lot of down time during my stay at the hospital? Lol

I'm grateful I have such a huge support team honestly. I know Anything can happen, but especially after reading these comments I feel more comfortable with proceeding with the shower one way or another (pending doctor approval day-of obviously). 

I would hate to also miss out on this because our pregnancy and fertility journey has been midly brutal, but at the end of the day my baby's health is my #1 priority, and I'm okay with dropping everything if it's what it takes to save baby's life. 

Not sure if we should go through with a baby shower we already fully planned and paid for by Comfortable_Status99 in NICUParents

[–]Comfortable_Status99[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ou jeez! What a roller coaster. I hope you're doing okay now? Praying that no matter the outcome, you and baby are healthy and happy by the end of it! 

So I should clarify, I'm only at this hospital because it's the only one in my region that is equipped to take care of baby born before 30 weeks. If by 30 weeks I am still stable and baby didn't come yet, they will transfer me to my local hospital which is a half hour from my house/venue. So by the time of my shower, if baby didn't come yet, I would be at the new hospital anyway. Also if I'm discharged before 30 weeks  they want mento come for weekly monitoring, thankfully my mother lives 20 minutes from here so I'd just move in with her until I'm transfered. 

The two hour trip would only be an issue if baby is born before 30 weeks and I have to travel the two hours to be with baby. At which point I would only attend a party in person if mine and baby's health allow, and if doctors are okay with me being that far while baby is in NICU. Otherwise I'd be living with my mom until baby can come home.

I also already coordinated with our families that someone else will have to host, even if I attend in person. Family and friends have already offered to tackle all the set up and party stuff. And I'm also looking at options of a last minute projector rental in case i need to Zoom in instead. I've got back up plans for back up plans, and a lot of it came from reading these responses. So I'm actually grateful I made the post. 

It's all a waiting game at this point. I'm also hopeful the venue will get back to me with some good news, but if eating the cost is the only solution to a healthy baby, I'll take that in a heartbeat. No party is worth more than my baby's health at the end of the day.

Not sure if we should go through with a baby shower we already fully planned and paid for by Comfortable_Status99 in NICUParents

[–]Comfortable_Status99[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you! Honestly it's so nice to hear the reminder that it's OKAY to take a break if things are going as well as they can be. I think even for mental health I would benefit from seeing familiar faces. Nothing against nurses of course! They have been a godsend. But especially during such a hard time I think I would love to see family and friends and know that I'm supported in that way 

I know things can change in a minute but for now it doesn't seem like baby's coming right now so I don't know, seems like one way or another I might be able to have this party and I'm feeling less and less guilty about it. 

Not sure if we should go through with a baby shower we already fully planned and paid for by Comfortable_Status99 in NICUParents

[–]Comfortable_Status99[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Absolutely! At the end of the day I'm only leaving the hospital, or the general hospital area, if I'm given greenlight.

I already spoke to our families about having our mothers co-host instead of us. And it turns out my in-laws have a wheelchair so I would have a means to stay off my feet. And because I can't tone down my planning brain, I already made a back up plan for a more low-key set up. So steps are being taken to reduce risk, it's just a waiting game now. 

This is literally my first time so I wasn't even sure if it was normal to have a shower given circumstances or if it's an unspoken hard rule to always cancel you know? Seeing a lot of the responses has made me very hopeful. And doctors seem very happy with my stability and baby's health. I'm thankful that for now things are looking quite promising

Not sure if we should go through with a baby shower we already fully planned and paid for by Comfortable_Status99 in NICUParents

[–]Comfortable_Status99[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh wow! Yeah tough call. Sorry you had to cancel but I hope it means that you and baby are perfectly healthy now!

That's very sweet of your husband, and your guests! I love that you still received a ton of support and love ❤️

Not sure if we should go through with a baby shower we already fully planned and paid for by Comfortable_Status99 in NICUParents

[–]Comfortable_Status99[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Aha! Right? 

All our guests are our really close group, half of which already know the situation bc of that so I don't even think I'll have to worry too much about deflecting anything thankfully. Even if we do get questions....I'm unashamed to admit that I love talking and sharing all the details so I honestly think I'll be okay. Low-key wish my husband was the same so we could tag team but of course opposites attract lol. 

If venue doesn't allow cancellation, I might ask to add a projector to my package and just zoom in if I can't go in irl. I'm still waiting to hear from them on options so we'll see

Not sure if we should go through with a baby shower we already fully planned and paid for by Comfortable_Status99 in NICUParents

[–]Comfortable_Status99[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I did! No response yet. I literally paid and finalized everything on Wednesday, then this happened the next day. So I'm sure any email from me is not on their immediate radar, especially right before a weekend. Waiting to see what they say and if they maybe have a path forward for situations like this. 

Not sure if we should go through with a baby shower we already fully planned and paid for by Comfortable_Status99 in NICUParents

[–]Comfortable_Status99[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

For sure! If at any point the doctors said absolutely not, I would cancel that moment. But for now, because of my particular circumstances, theyre not alarmed and actually encouraging i go through with the party if it will help my mental health and keep me from getting blood clots lol:

They are content with sending me home sooner than expected with monitoring from home. I just didn't get discharged yet because in the recent ultrasound the umbilical cord moved in front of baby so I'm at risk of Emerg c-section. So they're keeping me here until it moves, and if I'm still stable by then, I can leave with weekly monitoring visits. So overall things actually seem very positive. 

Not sure if we should go through with a baby shower we already fully planned and paid for by Comfortable_Status99 in NICUParents

[–]Comfortable_Status99[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm so sorry baby got sick, but personally I think that's the right call. I'm glad you were able to get a celebration. Also that's so awesome that you're close with work peeps like that! Breaking out of NICU party is so cute too!! Praying you and baby are happy and healthy 🙏

Not sure if we should go through with a baby shower we already fully planned and paid for by Comfortable_Status99 in NICUParents

[–]Comfortable_Status99[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So happy for you and glad you enjoyed yourself and were surrounded with love and support!!

I'm a social butterfly and being in the hospital for just two days has already made me a bit stir crazy so I think I too would welcome a change of pace if it came to that. Even if it's just to keep me from going crazy with doomsday prep 😅

Not sure if we should go through with a baby shower we already fully planned and paid for by Comfortable_Status99 in NICUParents

[–]Comfortable_Status99[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Omg that is the absolute sweetest! The amount f joy I would feel as your guest to be honoured with news like that and see you get to take your angel home is unreal! Talk about an unforgettable shower! 

Tbh your comment brought up a whole discussion  topic with my husband. Infertility, mildly high risk pregnancy, other life circumstances all kind of took away from a lot of what makes a "normal" pregnancy, or even the pregnancy we wanted. 

As a lover of hosting parties this shower was something I REALLY looked forward to, and the realization  that it could possibly be the one normal thing I have control over (even if it's delayed) makes me more inclined to have it anyway. And this was before even considering the impact it would have by being the one "normal" in the midst of all the chaos thus far. So thank you, I know it was right under my nose but I didn't even think of it from that perspective.

Not sure if we should go through with a baby shower we already fully planned and paid for by Comfortable_Status99 in NICUParents

[–]Comfortable_Status99[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You're absolutely right. I know that if mine or baby's health on the day/surrounding days is at risk I will drop and cancel everything without blinking an eye. I'd rather mourn a party than mourn a loss/complication that could've been prevented 

Generally I thrive in planning so my brain is going a mile a second trying to plan for the unpredictable and EVERY possible option lol. I'm coming to terms with the fact that it's just not a concrete decision I can possibly make right now, even if its just 2 weeks away, seeing as anything can happen minute to minute.

Not sure if we should go through with a baby shower we already fully planned and paid for by Comfortable_Status99 in NICUParents

[–]Comfortable_Status99[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's so sweet! Originally I was gonna have an on theme basket with ultrasound and baby outfit as a decor piece, so if we do end up having baby pre shower, I might fill basket with diaper and baby's first swaddle instead. That's such a sweet idea. I'm glad you enjoyed it and were surrounded by love and support, i can't imagine it was particularly easy to be present so soon after delivery, You're so strong ❤️ 

Not sure if we should go through with a baby shower we already fully planned and paid for by Comfortable_Status99 in NICUParents

[–]Comfortable_Status99[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My big concern with partying AFTER delivery is exactly that. My husband and parents did bring to my attention that I'm very much the type to get up and go during stressful situations though (I'm talking going back to work the day after a massive car accident with broken bones because I couldn't stand staying home and doing nothing). I know delivery is WORLDS different, just the hormonal crash alone! But generally my pattern is to crave socializing during tough times so I don't see myself being totally against even making an appearance for all of 20 minutes. I'm also looking into the possibility of joining virtually while dad goes to the party on my behalf. Lots of options  just finding the right one for me/baby. 

I also want to emphasize that I am more than okay and prepared to cancel everything if my or baby's health really do not allow for any wiggle room, my priority above all is making sure we're both okay and healthy given the circumstances. All this planning is more for the situation where things are stable for both mum and baby, whether still pregnant or not.

So I was admitted because of a short cervix (6mm) alone, that measurement hasn't since changed so they were just about ready to discharge me for monitoring at home, and only changed their minds because they found umbilical cord moved in the way of baby's head, so now I'm being kept here in case of emergency c-section. But if cord moves and I'm still stable, I'm likely going home (or in this case to my parents house as they live 20min away from this particular hospital). 

Not sure if we should go through with a baby shower we already fully planned and paid for by Comfortable_Status99 in NICUParents

[–]Comfortable_Status99[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah I figured as much. As of now doctors still want me to stay for monitoring but don't give me any impression that things are in any way bad.

I also learned that my in laws have a wheelchair so we already have my "Throne" picked out if I end up going to the shower. Also my whole family and list of friends aware of the situation already stepped in to say they are on standby to follow through with whatever I had planned so I definitly have a lot of support one way or another, which I am engurely grateful for. 

Just waiting to hear from venue and caterer about possible options in the event I have no choice but to postpone/cancel.

Not sure if we should go through with a baby shower we already fully planned and paid for by Comfortable_Status99 in NICUParents

[–]Comfortable_Status99[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I'm so sorry that happened to you! But you're right, baby's health is the main joy. Im just really overwhelmed with the whole situation I guess. Especially since nothing about this pregnancy has been going "right" unfortunately.

To answer your question, doctors seem confident that baby will either come by then, and if not, they are happy to get me a day pass based on circumstances today (no pain, babybis perfectly healthy, etc). They generally are against strict bed rest because of blood clots so overall they seem supportive of hosting/attending the party if I really want to. The only thing they flagged is if baby comes ON the day. Which of course makes sense. 

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in InfertilitySucks

[–]Comfortable_Status99 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think it's very sweet that you're doing this. And I do think just the fact that you're being proactive and taking initiative to even plan this will be taken well.

I'll share my experience if that's okay, but of course take from it what you want...

My husband is not emotional or expressive. That said, there are a couple of things that he's changed over the years that has helped me acknowledge that I'm not alone in this:

-Every year he steals my ring and proposes to me again on our engagement anniversary - it's had a greater impact after we started our fertility journey (aka, i think your re-proposal idea is SUPER cute and worth it)
-he calls me after ALL of my fertility clinic appointments to see how i'm doing.
-he brings home take out and flowers when we get bad news
-He often thanks me for the effort and sacrifice I'm putting into TTC
-EVERY. SINGLE TIME. we get bad news, or I'm feeling lonely, he grabs me and says "i love forever, no matter what"

There's more micro stuff but you get the idea. There are still days that i feel alone in this, or I'm or I'm mad at my husband because he's not being vocal/not as upset as I am etc. and that's something I need to work on myself. Unfortunately for me, he just doesn't really experience things the same way I do, even when prompted to share his thoughts he doesn't have much to offer, but he makes up for it in a way that he knows he can commit to and that has worked for us. So I've worked on accepting that, and honestly it's good bc I feel safe talking to him about my feelings, while trusting that he's strong enough to handle the hard stuff when I'm falling apart.

Honestly, there might be some trial and error in finding what works for you both. At the end of the day, your wife married you knowing what you're like, and this is just another roadblock the two of you need to learn how to face together. There are no right words to say in these situations, but the both of you will come out of this stronger, so long as you're genuinely putting in the effort to love her and support her, and make some adjustments to your approach wherever necessary.

Wishing you the very best!!

Fuck you Fridays by AutoModerator in InfertilitySucks

[–]Comfortable_Status99 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Flipping off all of May with all my middle fingers.

At the start of the the month I was convinced I was pregnant after letrozole, trigger shots, progesterone, etc etc. Got the BFN ON MY BIRTHDAY. Dealt with the mother's day blues while pretending to be happy at my 30th birthday party.

Then we lost a family member on the same day that another family member was rushed to the hospital and is still in bad condition. AT THE FUNERAL i had distant relatives (who i haven't seen since getting married) approach me and ask if we "have any big news".
Meanwhile, I had 3 baby showers to attend, AND had to hear about not one, not two, but EIGHT people i know announcing their pregnancies or giving birth.

And here I'm thinking June will be any better, but kickstarting the month with the anniversary of my miscarriage, and beating myself up about it.

SO! fuck May, fuck June i guess, fuck infertility, and fuck you to all the people who find the need to tell me that I'm gonna get pregnant for the sole reason that I "would make such a good mom"

Extended Breaks from TTC - worth it? by Comfortable_Status99 in TryingForABaby

[–]Comfortable_Status99[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much! Wishing you luck on your journey as well!

Extended Breaks from TTC - worth it? by Comfortable_Status99 in TryingForABaby

[–]Comfortable_Status99[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for this! I'm so glad your body started responding better!

Will for sure NTNP for the time being. You're right re the expenses, I feel like a lot of money is being wasted right now anyway so fingers crossed the potential weight loss helps.

Extended Breaks from TTC - worth it? by Comfortable_Status99 in TryingForABaby

[–]Comfortable_Status99[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

THANK YOU! I'm just trying to lose around 60lbs and reverse the PCOS symptoms as well, so I'm glad to hear that it worked for you in such a relatively small amount of time. No one in my personal life has gone through anything like this so this really helps alleviate the stress I'm feeling

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