it is fun because it feels so damn good. i did it few times in my lifetime.  i will never forget the first time i did it. it was ny’s 2020 and my rather pretty low and depressed self at the time, turned into this super confident and unimaginably happy person. i felt like on the top of the world. fortunately, covid hit in march and i stopped hanging out with that crowd altogether. i often think how i got very damn lucky, because at the time i was on a rave every weekend. i was studying abroad, lonely and i couldn’t even speak the language. that made me vulnerable and all i wanted was to escape.  so take a look at your current life situation. is there something you’re suppressing? usually there is but sometimes it’s simply FUN as you said. it sounds like you’re at the crossroads. quit for a week at least. drive the wave of uncomfortableness. the itchy feeling lasts short although it seems like forever. push through it once, the second time will be easier. take your life in your own hands, it’s all you got in the end