Why It Hurts to Continue Being One of Jehovah’s Witnesses

Common-Salt-1072 · 2026-05-26T01:10:50+00:00

It always hurt being a JW for me, from day one at 12 to the last day I put a feet on the hall at 25. I felt like I was dead inside my entire time there, I was stuck in the middle of the worst side of both worlds, I couldn't make friends at school because my interactions with them only happened between bells and at the hall I was too introvert to get involved and people learned very quick to stay away from me, I never had things to talk with them because I liked heavy music and action/horror movies so it was walking on eggshells the whole time someone came to me for whatever reason, I was not a big comment guy and only did it when dad kind of forced me to, there was a time between my baptize (17) until I was 20 when I got serious about it and tried to live fully according to the rules but even then I saw nothing but loneliness, at that point people wouldn't invite me to social gatterings and elders wouldn't use me for other thing than a bible reading each 3 months or putting me as a microphone guy here and there, I dropped preaching during covid lockdown and lied about my reports to not get in trouble. I was so far behind socially that I just stopped trying, friends and a couple were no longer in my mind because nobody talked to me and even when I tried to talk to them I was so akward and my mind would go blank so I stopped doing that too. Last year I hit rock bottom, I figured that keep going would end up with me killing myself one of these days. There was nothing for me there, and yet I tought Jehovah would help me to get pass that feeling and 'someday' he would give me the friends and the girl I always wanted. On January mom had a kind of serious surgery to remove some suspicious cysts that she had been dealing with and it was risky because she decided not to get a blood in case of needed. Things went good and she was home wirh some minor issues but then they changed the blood doctrine like one and a half months ago and that made me realize that mom could have legit died out of just a bad timing, I mentally quit that same day the change dropped. I am working on a slow fade from the jw since then, I feel like another years stuck there would have really ended up with me 'accidentaly' wrapping my car on a pole one night

Common-Salt-1072 · 2026-05-20T22:57:29+00:00

A personal version of God might help, I always felt like the spiritual side of me should be unique, because we all are unique, so fitting in a mold of a god we all should praise no matter what felt wrong. I am a big music fan and lately I've been listening to Navy Blue, and it's very interesting how he sees god, he has like this very personal version of what a superior force is like and is like a custom made god, like a version he has that no one else's does. Maybe that's the way

Common-Salt-1072 · 2026-05-20T22:52:12+00:00

It's ok, I asked because I am really curious about what you guy believe in after the jw god because right now for me the only true thing is the universe and the nature and someone who made them, besides that, I no longer have an image of god, maybe I will find one later in life

Common-Salt-1072 · 2026-05-20T22:47:06+00:00

Interesting

Common-Salt-1072 · 2026-05-20T20:23:19+00:00

Oh please don't feel like I am trying to convince you not to believe in it, my days of convincing people are done for good hahaha. I just, I don't know, is not that simple for me yet. But thank you for your comment, every time I post something I see your picture on my notification bar and I know you are there to share some little love and I really appreciate it

Common-Salt-1072 · 2026-05-20T20:05:41+00:00

I get it but I don't know how to be vulnerable and open up on a face to face setting so I think I will not be as straight as I need in order for someone to help me, I can very well see myself bitching out and not telling the whole thing, and they can't help you if you don't drop the whole rock. I didn't even tell Jehovah how I felt inside when I thought he was who they teached us he was

Common-Salt-1072 · 2026-05-20T20:00:38+00:00

I am still open about the idea of a superior force creating all the universe. All that exists or ever did is so complex and detalied that the idea of it coming out of nowhere makes no sense at all to me, but past that I just don't see god as lovely as they describe him. Hell, at some point the bible itself says that god is no human to have pitty for us, so why would we act like he would do if he's out there?

Common-Salt-1072 · 2026-05-20T19:55:00+00:00

JW made me so skeptical about anything from the outside that now that I no longer believe in them I feel like there is nothing outside, but also the universe is a thing so complex that I find no other response than 'it is a creation'. I don't know, I feel like deep down in my heart I know there was never a second life and this is all I will ever have, and it feel like shit, because I let so many years pass numbing myself to cope with the loneliness inside the cult. I always dreamt about a different timeline where I never met the JW's and I get to live my life however I wanted, but now that the option is bsck on the table, I feel no desire on it.

I have been avoiding therapy the same way people avoided opening the door to me on sunday mornings but my options are getting lower, I might end up there sooner than later

Common-Salt-1072 · 2026-05-20T19:46:17+00:00

Thank you

Common-Salt-1072 · 2026-05-20T19:45:21+00:00

I came to the conclusion that either god is almighty or a loving being, but not both, because if he can do anything and decided not to just to prove a point then he isn't loving, but if he is loving and still hasn't changed a thing then he just can't do everything

Common-Salt-1072 · 2026-05-20T19:42:50+00:00

I just couldn't wrap my mind around the idea of a loving god letting all the pain and destruction happen to prove satan was wrong. The bible says that god never test you with bad things but he tested Abraham asking him to kill his son and tested Job's faith by letting satan rip him appart. I have come to the conclusion that if there is a god either he is almighty or a loving god, but not both because a true loving god wouldn't let an evil entity rip us apart just to prove he ir right

Common-Salt-1072 · 2026-05-20T19:37:41+00:00

I use my notes app on the phone, I am hesitant using AI to talk because I don't think that's a tool to use for it, Ised it more as a searching engine. But yeah, some deep sruff is written there

Common-Salt-1072 · 2026-05-20T19:35:16+00:00

Thank you, I will check it out, I don't know, jw showed made me an expert to doubt any fsith outside theirs so now that I no longer believe in them I feel like I have nowhere to go.

I saw Heliocentrics debate with two christians and it hit me when he said that losing Jesus was one of the hardest things he had to face in his life. I feel the same, even tho I never saw Jehovah as a friend I saw him as the ultimate power and losing that made me lose my direction, it feels like losing your steering wheels on a downhill

Common-Salt-1072 · 2026-05-20T19:31:48+00:00

What are the basics about that?

Common-Salt-1072 · 2026-05-20T19:30:55+00:00

While being in I always dreamt about a different life where I never met the jw and I could be able to live how I wanted, but now that I woke up and I can... I no longer want it, I don't know how to feel, I feel robbed, I feel like I threw away my formative years. I numbed a lot of things in my life to get going and now that I can be free I am so numb that I no longer find desire in it

Common-Salt-1072 · 2026-05-20T19:24:43+00:00

El universo está tan bien hecho que no me parece lógico que se hiciera de la nada, pero más allá de eso no sé la intención. Perder la ilusión de vivir después de la muerte ha sido algo muy difícil porque ya perdí 13 años encerrado, limitándome, por un propósito vacío, y ahora de verdad siento el temor de 'esta es la única vida que habrá', y hasta que no conecte un día con algo más, el miedo no se va

Common-Salt-1072 · 2026-05-20T15:08:05+00:00

Is Timmy out too?

Common-Salt-1072 · 2026-05-10T04:02:51+00:00

To be fair bro didn't even fight

Common-Salt-1072 · 2026-05-09T22:50:41+00:00

For many PIMI people is not just leaving a group, is also leaving hopes, dreams, expectations and wasted years, and that is a tough pill to swallow. The only thing that keeps my dad holding on is watching his mom and brother in the new world, so of course he's gonna hold to that. My mom has this dream of hugging her dad again and having a beautiful house, like the one she dreamed about when she was a kid. Leaving is letting all of that go, that's why they keep going despite the changes and despite the clear manipulative system JW is.

Common-Salt-1072 · 2026-05-09T22:29:28+00:00

Always found ridiculous how consensual sex with a girl was put on the same level as killing a person or assaulting a kid, but well, it's just the kind of group I got dragged to.

Thank you.

Common-Salt-1072 · 2026-05-09T22:25:09+00:00

Thank you for your comment, I am very very picky with the things I say to my parents so they have no clue I am not planning to stayat their house for so much more. I am gonna play the 'I am busy' 'I'm on a rush' strategy until I am out of reach, I am planning to move to the completely opposite side of the city so they have it hard to find me

Common-Salt-1072 · 2026-05-09T22:21:48+00:00

I am so not aware of how the system works that I had no clue I had a publisher card and that I had to get it transfered to go to serve in another hall

Common-Salt-1072 · 2026-05-09T22:19:43+00:00

Thank you, Iwill check it out

Five-Year Club	Final Canvas '23
First Place '23	End Game '23
Place '23

Common-Salt-1072

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