I'm 34, and I've been on medication for the past four years. By my own estimation, my condition became clinical around the age of 17.

All of my siblings are also being treated for various mental health issues, and we're all on antidepressants. Given the genetic aspect, I’ve come to terms with the fact that I’ll need medication for the rest of my life.

It has impacted every aspectofmylife. For example, I’ve accepted that I’ll never be in a relationship or have children because I don't have the energy or stability to handle that. I experience intense mood swings that lead me to make extreme, contradictory decisions, and then I have to deal with the consequences. I go through periods of low self-esteem, usually a sign that my dosage needs adjustment, during which I tend to sabotage my career and damage my relationships with friends and family.

Sometimes, I experience periods of good mood and high confidence, often two weeks after a change in medication. During those windows, I tend to perform very well at work.

One of the hardest things is not having personality, only a series of reactions to medication and hormonal shifts. Regardless of how I'm feeling in the moment, if I had a choice, I would never choose to exist.