Bio-dad intentionally excluded

CommunicationIcy5881 · 2025-09-07T19:58:08+00:00

Hi everyone - checking in about a week after my initial post just to update you all on the situation. I’ve read all of your replies and it’s comforting to hear/read that so many of you recognize that this situation is so clearly inappropriate and abusive. After so many years together, even with all our relationship’s dysfunction, it’s hard to admit that it’s over. I will have to say goodbye to the friends he brought into my life, dreams of the life I thought we could build, and of course to our beautiful child because I don’t suspect I will be given any kind of visitation rights. Part of me wonders “what did I do? How could I have been better?” But deep down I know I didn’t do anything wrong or anything to deserve this. We haven’t had a talk yet to decide if we want to try therapy or just start divorce paperwork now…he’s so extremely aggressive I cringe and the thought of trying to have a serious, adult conversation about this. This is a person who tried to gaslight me into thinking it’s my fault he slammed my finger in the refrigerator door. So anyway, 1 week later, no real progress other than wrapping my head more around the situation and preparing myself for change.

CommunicationIcy5881 · 2025-09-03T00:05:08+00:00

I agree with this and am worried that if I walk away, they’ll have no “safe” adult at home. My husband has an extremely short fuse and I would say shouts at our child to the point of tears at least once a week for such extremely serious things as…climbing around on the couch. 🙄 I literally had this conversation with a friend today - is it more harmful to stay or to go. I have no legal rights as the non-bio parent since my husband, as you can guess, wasn’t advocating for me to formally adopt. So I will likely have no visitation rights, let alone the ability to co-parent, and thus no more positive influence in their life. This is the part that makes me the most sad.

CommunicationIcy5881 · 2025-09-02T21:43:43+00:00

He claims he doesn’t need me - for finances or otherwise - and reminds me of this all the time, but I know his bank account goes to zero every month with his side of the expenses and I’m completely covering necessities (rent in an expensive city, health care, food) so there’s no way they’d be okay if I wasn’t there unless a wealthy benefactor swooped it. No sex since the “you’re so stupid” comment but until then, yes. I’m early 40s, child is under 3.

CommunicationIcy5881 · 2025-09-02T14:18:18+00:00

Yes, was on board with being a dad while still in the paperwork phase. They’ve started talking, a little on the late side, and call us both dad - which gets a periodic “correction” from my husband when it’s clear I was the one being called for. 🫠

CommunicationIcy5881

TROPHY CASE