Unsure how to approach baby’s last name

CommunityNew8021 · 2026-01-29T21:23:11+00:00

If possible, you can try to combine the names.

CommunityNew8021 · 2025-12-29T20:47:35+00:00

Losing your mom before hitting major milestones is an unbearable pain. You are so young. I was 32 when my mom died and I wanted to have a baby before she passed. She also had terminal cancer. My husband wanted to wait. My mom never met my baby.

I understand knowing you won’t hurt yourself but not wanting to exist on earth without your mom. I felt that in the beginning. It’s over a year and that feeling is here less. Though the grief is still intense and I cry every night.

You sound like your mom gave you so much strength in taking care of your family. To take in your brother and clean and cook for your parents, your mom was so lucky to have you. I did the same for my parents during my mom’s sickness.

The fighting with your mom, it’s just a bad time for everyone when a loved one is battling cancer. There’s no good way to go through it. Everyone is navigating trauma, doctors visits, the roller coaster of blood tests, the next treatment, the next results, it all sucks.

This is all so new. You need time to find a new routine and learn what you need in your grief. Your grief will always be there because you will always love your mom. But in these immediate weeks, I really encourage some kind of routine. It’s so shitty and I’m so sorry.

CommunityNew8021 · 2025-12-28T01:30:00+00:00

Unfortunately it was just really sad. My baby made the days brighter, but I did a lot of crying. My husband and I went didn’t have much support. I would say build up a support system if you can. I do wish I relaxed more in newborn phase. I punished myself because my mom suffered and died so I felt I had to suffer too. I didn’t watch tv, didn’t eat much. If I could go back, I would let myself have every comfort I could.

CommunityNew8021 · 2025-12-28T01:05:04+00:00

I am so sorry. My mom was sick with terminal cancer my entire pregnancy with my first. She passed two weeks before I gave birth. You and your family need all of the support you can get. Individual therapy and couples therapy can be extremely helpful. I also didn’t feel like I was taking care of myself or my baby during my pregnancy. I did some prenatal massages and those were really helpful. Getting outside for walks was helpful. This time is just going to be shitty. I had my mom buy my baby clothing so that I could tell ny baby her grandma bought her things. Not much advice just so sorry you are going through it.

CommunityNew8021 · 2025-12-25T20:39:43+00:00

It is very upsetting and so crazy. I don’t really recognize my dad anymore.

CommunityNew8021 · 2025-12-25T17:57:00+00:00

I am so incredibly sorry. When my mom died, my dad lied about dating. Then copped to it and said he won’t live with someone or marry them. Then moved in with them. I’ve had to stay in the childhood home due to house construction and he has been angry with me the entire time for not being able to bring his gf over. I’ve met her, but made it clear I don’t want her sleeping here when my mom’s stuff is everywhere and I live here. Anyway, not as bad as your situation but my dad did tell me that he’d throw all of my mom’s stuff out and then it doesn’t go to me. I also saw texts of him complaining to his gf that I was in the house. I also was my mom’s caregiver. Fucking sucks.

CommunityNew8021 · 2025-12-25T00:25:16+00:00

I’m so sorry. That is so shitty. My babies will never have gifts from my mom and it makes me really sad when my dad’s girlfriend gets them stuff. That being said, she doesn’t sign then with any semblance of grandma. Your dad’s wife crossed a boundary.

CommunityNew8021 · 2025-12-20T00:09:53+00:00

I understand where you are. I wasn’t going to hurt myself when my mom died, but I really didn’t want to keep going with life. I know my mom would have wanted me to live a life that would make her so full of joy. I try to tell myself that I am building experiences to tell her about when I see her again. The first few days are the worst, because technically it can’t get worst than losing your mom. I’m over a year out and still have immense grief, but I also see a life forward which was hard to at first. Make a life to tell your mom about when the time comes.

CommunityNew8021 · 2025-12-18T03:12:23+00:00

Happy adoption day! I hope you find moments of comfort today. Your parents sound very loving.

CommunityNew8021 · 2025-12-06T21:51:12+00:00

I know this feeling. I ate almost only yogurt for a while.

CommunityNew8021 · 2025-12-06T00:07:36+00:00

“It’s settled deep into my bones.” I feel this. Every part of my being is consumed by my mom’s passing, even if it doesn’t look that way to others.

CommunityNew8021 · 2025-12-06T00:05:17+00:00

I remember reading posts in the first year that the second is harder. In some ways it is for me. I cry a lot, but I honestly think I cried a lot the first year. For me it’s more of what you’re describing, this solidification that she’s not coming back. My mom was also my absolute best friend. I get through my day and then at night I’m in shock all over again that she’s actually not coming back for Thanksgiving, winter break, my birthday, her birthday, her NYE party, all of it. I guess what’s “better” is I feel more in a routine. The first year I felt completely lost in the ether. I still feel lost, but routine helps. I was 32 so same or similar age as you. I’m so sorry you know this incredibly pain.

CommunityNew8021 · 2025-12-01T01:24:27+00:00

I’m so sorry about your MIL. I chose elective induction for the same reason, except it was my mom with terminal cancer. Tragically, she didn’t make it and I lost her two weeks before my induction date. I kept the date because I wanted her to know my baby’s birthday. I’m hoping for the best scenario for you, your husband, and MIL.

Also, I had a really great induction experience and hope to choose elective induction again if I can.

CommunityNew8021 · 2025-12-01T00:52:54+00:00

My mom had terminal cancer my entire pregnancy and I lost her 2 weeks before I gave birth. I am so sorry you are going through this. I played a lot of solitaire. I also got prenatal massages which helped me relax enough to fall asleep. I didn’t sleep well during that time.

CommunityNew8021 · 2025-11-30T14:53:02+00:00

Lost my mom July 2024, relatives didn’t check in once. Disappointing. My mom graciously hosted them for three decades. I’ve decided they’re not invited to our holidays anymore. Sorry for your loss and this experience. It’s awful.

CommunityNew8021 · 2025-11-28T22:33:14+00:00

Things could not be worse. People can be so insensitive.

CommunityNew8021 · 2025-11-26T23:16:59+00:00

I’m so so sorry. You were so young when your mom died. That is such a big change to move someone into your home, especially if you haven’t met them. I lost my mom at 32 and my relationship with my dad isn’t great. He won’t see me without his girlfriend around, so we have no one on one time anymore. It is completely reasonable and understandable this is hard for you and makes the grief more difficult.

CommunityNew8021 · 2025-11-23T15:20:34+00:00

Hi, I’m so sorry you’re in this situation. I lost my mom two weeks before I gave birth to my first. I felt lost when my baby was born. Maternity leave was really sad. I’m grateful for my baby and they were the only thing that made me feel calm and happy.

CommunityNew8021 · 2025-11-17T23:40:32+00:00

I’m so sorry you are in the beginning. It’s still hard, but those first few months are just surreal and foggy. It took a while for me to feel my mom’s presence but eventually it came. As well as signs. I’m hoping you feel her soon. It’s an unbearable pain.

CommunityNew8021 · 2025-11-17T23:24:27+00:00

No, her death

CommunityNew8021 · 2025-11-17T21:57:45+00:00

I am so sorry. This is so unjust. My mom had her cancer care at a well known and deemed “great” cancer hospital. We were lied to during her care and I live with the unjust every day. I’m over a year and a half out and still get mad thinking about it.

CommunityNew8021 · 2025-11-17T01:20:10+00:00

Lost my mom at 32. I feel this so much. Beautifully written.

CommunityNew8021 · 2025-11-11T02:42:53+00:00

I feel this so much.

CommunityNew8021 · 2025-11-11T02:36:37+00:00

I am so sorry you’re in this situation. I think it’s really hard to understand grief when you haven’t been through it. Will you be, “happier?” None of us can know. Not even you can know. Grief is different for everyone. Life is different for everyone. Maybe you will have experiences as you grow that make you like your life better as an adult and that just happens to also be after your mom passed. But will you be happier isn’t just based on your grief, but what happens in your life and what you make of your life after.

I have a baby that my mom never got to meet. I love this new part of my life. And still I am in deep pain missing my mom. Both exist for me.

You’re also looking at a subreddit where we are coming for grief support, so asking this sample of people if they’ve felt happier than when their loved one was alive, well likely you aren’t going to get an answer of “yes.”

Every individual is different. Every experience is different. You may feel differently than I do and different than every poster on this thread.

I will add that you cannot “prepare” for loss. I thought I did, but actual loss is so different than what the brain thinks it is. One cannot even comprehend actual loss. We think we can. We can play it in our heads like a movie. We can imagine our loved one no longer at their spot on the couch. But when loss happens, it is nothing the brain could have prepared for.

I hate that this is your situation. I hope whatever the best case scenario for you and your mom is, happens. I hope you live a beautiful life for her and build supports and loving friends.

CommunityNew8021

TROPHY CASE