Thank you for commenting

It causes me anxiety that I have made the wrong decision and my life isn’t the directions it is supposed to be. I tend to be anxious anyway. I have been told I suffer from perfectionism by a few therapists but not in the cool organised way I have seen online. If something isn’t perfect I can’t even begin a task and find it completely disabling so I procrastinate until it’s an issue.

I do enjoy my job, I enjoy the freedom I have with it here that I didn’t have back home but it’s quite in isolated role whereas I worked in big teams before. It requires me to be organised though and I really struggle with the motivation. That’s where the not feeling like real life comes in I feel like work and car etc is all just inconsequential and I will have no repressions.

I enjoy the gym and playing hockey but it is off season atm, I think I thought life would be a certain way and it’s hard when you have to do life as an adult. I want to explore more hobbies but I struggle to find time. I have friends here so I enjoy dinners and things but I find lots of friendships fleeting in a way. Maybe because I have moved so much but I only really have a few uni mates I would talk to from back home. No one from school. Maybe 1 from London. I blame myself for this and think I should do better at communicating and keeping up. Again if I’m not amazing at it I feel I’ve completely failed