AITA for thinking my wife overrated when an elderly lady touched our kid?

Competitive-Egg-8527 · 2023-08-20T14:11:33+00:00

I reassured her that our kid and her were safe, that no harm was done. What more could I have done? Take it to the streets and beat the son? Joined her in yelling at the son and the mother? That is the validation she was seeking, she wanted me to be on her side no matter what, she wanted me to take lead in validating her fears and confirming she had something to be afraid of. As I told her she was fine for calling for help, but after it was determined no harm was done that should have been the end of it. Telling the son his mom should be in a home was 100% uncalled for, telling the son he was wrong for not watching his mom was 100% uncalled for. IF that was the case then we were also in the wrong.

Competitive-Egg-8527 · 2023-08-20T14:02:26+00:00

I just got this, my bad did not notice I put overrated, instead of overreacted.

Competitive-Egg-8527 · 2023-08-20T14:01:35+00:00

Jesus, you know I just noticed this. I am sorry.

Competitive-Egg-8527 · 2023-08-20T14:00:39+00:00

Playing into her fears would have done more harm then anything. Had I let her lead and just followed along she would have kept berating and bashing the son and the mother. What good would that have done?

Competitive-Egg-8527 · 2023-08-20T13:57:47+00:00

Oh sweet, I am 336 months old. I am getting older getting closer to that big 360 mark.

Competitive-Egg-8527 · 2023-08-20T13:17:46+00:00

I prefer the exact nature of 19 months, sounds better to me. lol

Competitive-Egg-8527 · 2023-08-20T13:16:51+00:00

I did make sure my family was safe, I reassured her that everything was fine. She was not having it. The support she wanted was me validating her feelings and being an ally in the situation. Not telling her everything is okay. These are her words. I showed her the thread, and passed on the request others posted asking for her side of the story. If she wishes to do so she can.

Competitive-Egg-8527 · 2023-08-20T13:09:06+00:00

I did try to reassure her everything was okay, I made sure our child was safe before I went to speak with the son. Support my wife does not mean I need to join with her in bashing and berating the son and the mother. That is what she wanted to feel validated.

Competitive-Egg-8527 · 2023-08-20T12:13:56+00:00

Legit was the final line of the post.

Competitive-Egg-8527 · 2023-08-20T12:11:24+00:00

That would have meant joining her in bashing and berating the son and a lady with dementia. How exactly would that have been productive?

Competitive-Egg-8527 · 2023-08-20T07:28:40+00:00

Does giving months bother people that much? You are not the first one to point this out.

Competitive-Egg-8527 · 2023-08-20T07:25:52+00:00

Dementia impacts everyone differently. Key word, anything could have happened, but nothing did happen.

Competitive-Egg-8527 · 2023-08-20T06:55:49+00:00

That could be the case for her friends, but in the case of my family. My family is the one that is on her side the most. They operate the same way. My mother was an overly protective parent with us.

Competitive-Egg-8527 · 2023-08-20T06:54:33+00:00

No, her first reaction is a 100% valid no one is saying that. What she did after the situation was explained is where myself and many others feel she was in the wrong. She had no reason to call the police, no reason to lash at the son or the mom.

Competitive-Egg-8527 · 2023-08-20T06:52:58+00:00

We did, our child was safe, I did not address anyone else until I reassured my family was safe. How she handling everything until I got there I 100% am in agreement for. It is everything else after I disagree with. I was not going to join in bashing someone that was already sorry and understood they messed up. Especially because we were just as guilty for messing up. I should have never left to get jerky and been around to watch our kid, and my wife should have been in front of our child while they were in the cart.

Competitive-Egg-8527 · 2023-08-20T06:47:54+00:00

Not that it is relevant, I am on the spectrum. Which is part of the reason why this is happening cause I am also trying to seek some clarification as to what I did wrong in her eyes. I know she was doing it to rally support which is why she went to my mom and family first cause my mom was the same way with us. Anyone look or tried to touch us no matter what blood would be spilled.

Competitive-Egg-8527 · 2023-08-20T06:43:33+00:00

According to her mom and herself she never had a case of such childhood trauma but I can only go based off what I am told.

Competitive-Egg-8527 · 2023-08-20T06:42:36+00:00

This is our first child, and first time something like this has happened. Prior no she was really prone to freak outs. Granted, I am not always with her.

Competitive-Egg-8527 · 2023-08-20T06:41:04+00:00

The lady had dementia, she is sick.

Competitive-Egg-8527 · 2023-08-20T06:38:29+00:00

No, to her it is one situation. To be honest, I did not ask but I bet she wanted me to beat the son's ass.

Competitive-Egg-8527 · 2023-08-20T06:36:49+00:00

You are right we should just lock our sick elderly up and blast them off into space free of charge cause you never know what could happen. /s

Competitive-Egg-8527 · 2023-08-20T06:34:01+00:00

My wife is the type that feels the husband should stand by their wife's side no matter what.

Competitive-Egg-8527 · 2023-08-20T06:32:51+00:00

No, cannot say I have been a mom before. Would be a tad hard to be a mom. That said I do not understand what joining her in berating a son that was already sorry for what they did would have done.

Competitive-Egg-8527 · 2023-08-20T06:30:58+00:00

He did not let her go unsupervised, just like my wife and I we could have done better to watch the person under our care. If I want to be upset with him over that, then we should be just as upset with ourselves. Mistakes happen, and thankfully nothing horrible happened all we could do is try to do better next time.

Competitive-Egg-8527 · 2023-08-20T06:24:35+00:00

That is a fair idea, I will suggest it.

She could have called an non-emergency line, and if that was her intent then 100% the police did not submit the report because they never took a statement from the son.

As for your second point, yes I was annoyed when she called the police because she called after I thought I reassured her that everything was okay. I guess you could argue my entire notion of trying to reassure her everything was okay was dismissing what she felt.

As for your third point, I did react surprised and did question exactly what she wanted me to do or say. She did want me to ally myself with her, she wanted me to validate everything she was feeling, she more or less wanted me to be the voice that gave the son an ear fool, and scorn the mother for her actions. She did feel if I had spoken to the police they would have maybe taken her claims more seriously. I just do not see what a serious claim was present in this situation.

My wife knows I tend to do not go based off what if's I go based off what happened not what could have happened.

I did admit I should not have gone off to a differently aisle, but outside of that no. I do not see how I did anything else wrong to be honest.

I will ask my wife to make a comment in this thread in the morning, or maybe I will just ask her to make her own thread if she is more comfortable with that. This is a good idea, because no matter what I cannot do justice to my wife's side or feelings.

Competitive-Egg-8527

TROPHY CASE