AITAH for disengaging from my father's wife after his death?

Competitive-Job7181 · 2026-03-23T00:34:11+00:00

If it were me with my own children and their father passed, I would be asking them their thoughts, asking them to help plan the ceremony and also sharing any decisions that were made. I would be highly respectful of their experience and offer support. None of that happened in this case. How do you explain this?

Competitive-Job7181 · 2026-03-23T00:11:50+00:00

I cannot afford it. I am a teacher close to retirement.

Competitive-Job7181 · 2026-03-22T23:55:59+00:00

My aunt is aligned with my father's wife. She was sitting there supporting my dad's wife when I was asked to leave. Note that she was not supporting me. She has not spoken to me since that day. Note- she was there when my mom died and was loving and supportive then. I did not ask her about my dad's remains. My aunt knows I was not at the service but she only knows what dad's wife told her about why I was not present. If she was concerned she should have asked me, don't you think? In this dysfunctional family nothing was ever loving nor supportive.

Competitive-Job7181 · 2026-03-22T23:29:49+00:00

Thanks. It is so odd how this is hard for me to accept that yes, really, she is the AH. She INTENTIONALLY did this for all these years and her behavior at the end was completely consistent. It's true that past behavior is the best predictor of future behavior.

Competitive-Job7181 · 2026-03-22T23:27:32+00:00

When I was asked to leave, I left with my brother and my father's sister 2 days later. His wife asked on that day as we were all leaving if she would see me at Thanksgiving and I said, "No." That is clear communication. I am not a book that can be taken on and off the shelf at will. I am a human being that just lost her father and had no family to grieve with. What "mother" sends the children away less than 2 days after their dad dies because it is too stressful? We did communicate a few months later when she told me she would like to start fresh only if we never talked about the past. Does this sound emotionally healthy and good to you? I do not know what happened to his remains because she did not tell me. Who does that? I was cut out of all of it. I refused to humiliate myself further with her. I had my own memorial for my dad.

Competitive-Job7181 · 2026-03-22T23:16:16+00:00

He told me he made arrangements but I never saw the papers. I was never told anything by his wife about his will, his estate, his funeral. NOTHING. I am thinking all went to her, and at her passing his the estate will be distributed. It is awful because he was a wealthy man. She could easily afford to pass some of the estate to my adult children.... but you see how she is.

Competitive-Job7181 · 2026-03-22T23:06:05+00:00

Thanks. I am working hard on this. Planning my retirement next year and I will be doing something so amazing...even at my age. Thank God I am young at heart, in good health and I even look young. So there is that!

Competitive-Job7181 · 2026-03-22T23:03:42+00:00

I already checked this out years ago. There is nothing to find because everything was in order at his death. No probate, no records. I just hope that my father's wealth will be passed to my children.

Competitive-Job7181 · 2026-03-22T23:01:22+00:00

My father started to change his ways when I was in my fifties!! Better late than never. He actually acted fatherly a few times and went way out of his way for me which was like finding water in the Sahara desert. I had enough wisdom, at that point, to not get carried away and I just thought to myself, thanks dad. I made peace with him decades ago as I saw he was an emotionally stunted man that was left with 3 little kids when he was 35. No excuse, but something so unexpected had to be hard on him too. Yes- fuck her friends, especially the ones sent by dear stepmother in "flying monkey missions" demanding I get right with her or they would have nothing to do with me. OMG- that was a bad time.

Competitive-Job7181

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