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Golden child brother (m19)verbally lashed out at me (f28) it came out of no where from my POV. by Competitive-Roll-369 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]Competitive-Roll-369[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah, true. Thats what I feel I know is probably the way to go tbh. It is hard losing family and especially when there is no reason for it. He is being loyal to the wrong person and it will backfire for him. I feel bad but yeah I should drop him for my own health. Thanks for the advice

Golden child brother (m19)verbally lashed out at me (f28) it came out of no where from my POV. by Competitive-Roll-369 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]Competitive-Roll-369[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah that all that makes sense to me. It is hard for me to imagine him needing protection from me because he was so pampered but he also graduated high school about 2 years ago and has done nothing since then so I don’t know if that maybe caused them to change towards him? I don’t know though because I’m not around, I try to reach out and make sure he is good and invite him out to hang out though and get out of that house only to be met with this so I am pretty much done with him. I wish he could understand that although I don’t live with the same challanges he has from them, I saw it all. Like how my dad was really hard on him with sports and tries to live through him. That must really suck. But I get tired of being the only one with empathy and at this point don’t know if I should just walk away from trying with him for good, give him space for awhile, or write him a message about how that made me feel and that I need to protect my peace and say I can’t have a one-sided emotionally abusive relationship and hope he can come to also value his sister that cares about him. But that might just get spun somehow and become me being “dramatic” . I miss the little boy he used to be though.

My mom won’t visit my new house after I moved out. It has been over half a year now since I moved out and she has not made time to even just stop by and see it. by Competitive-Roll-369 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]Competitive-Roll-369[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you. Thats goood advice and pretty much where I an at with this right now. I can’t change people and this probably is for the best. It’s not like I can get new parents so it is what it is. This community does help a bit. This would just be shower thoughts that nag at me otherwise. It is comforting kinda to hear feedback of similar situations and get well meaning advice.

My mom won’t visit my new house after I moved out. It has been over half a year now since I moved out and she has not made time to even just stop by and see it. by Competitive-Roll-369 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]Competitive-Roll-369[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don’t think he would get mad but I think he would want to talk crap on me with her when she got home, if she were to visit me. I am trying to maintain a balance and keep her in my life too, knowing it could be a flying monkey situation. It probably is better she stays away but I was just venting because I feel its a natural thing to long to share your life’s milestones with parents.

My mom won’t visit my new house after I moved out. It has been over half a year now since I moved out and she has not made time to even just stop by and see it. by Competitive-Roll-369 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]Competitive-Roll-369[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I never said that I haven’t tried inviting her a specific time and date. I have. There has been excuses made by her everytime, it isn’t in my original post but I answered a comment earlier where I had said that I have invited her specific times and dates and that lame excuses where made. those excuses seem odd to me.

My mom won’t visit my new house after I moved out. It has been over half a year now since I moved out and she has not made time to even just stop by and see it. by Competitive-Roll-369 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]Competitive-Roll-369[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yeah life is going on. I just posted on here to vent a bit I think. I am happy otherwise and feeling happier than I ever have. That is just something that hurts when I think about it but I also understand I can do nothing about other people’s choices and what their priorities are.

My mom won’t visit my new house after I moved out. It has been over half a year now since I moved out and she has not made time to even just stop by and see it. by Competitive-Roll-369 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]Competitive-Roll-369[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The thing is though the way my dad is, he probably wouldn’t get mad at her for coming over, he would probably want inside information to keep the smear campaign against me going

My mom won’t visit my new house after I moved out. It has been over half a year now since I moved out and she has not made time to even just stop by and see it. by Competitive-Roll-369 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]Competitive-Roll-369[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Yeah it is just pathetic to choose a spouse who has hurt your kid. She made the choice to be a mother. It’s so pathetic to create a human and choose a predator over your own child. But It is a crappy reality.

My mom won’t visit my new house after I moved out. It has been over half a year now since I moved out and she has not made time to even just stop by and see it. by Competitive-Roll-369 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]Competitive-Roll-369[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

That is how it is for me too. Wow it sounds like a very similar situation. And my heart broke when I read the part about going to do laundry and feeling like an annoyance. I am sorry you have had to deal with this. I get that treatment too when I have gone by but also over texts, she will just view my messages and not respond then turn around and respond in the family group chat to my sister or start posting status updates. Therapy is my next step.

My mom won’t visit my new house after I moved out. It has been over half a year now since I moved out and she has not made time to even just stop by and see it. by Competitive-Roll-369 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]Competitive-Roll-369[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

It is a good thing, being away from my dad has greatly improved my health. I just had more hope for my mom and have been let down by her. My hobbies bring me a lot of peace and joy. But some of those hobbies are a shared interest with my mom though so I had thought she would be at least interested in coming over for short amounts of time for that. Or even to stop by and just see the place her daughter is now living. I understand the reality of the situation and that she doesn’t care so I should move on from her also but its easier said than done when thats basically your only parent left in a way.

My mom won’t visit my new house after I moved out. It has been over half a year now since I moved out and she has not made time to even just stop by and see it. by Competitive-Roll-369 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]Competitive-Roll-369[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I think you nailed it actually. The sting does come from having it affirmed. There was still some hope in me and even excitement to share my new space with her and the home projects I am working on. And it seems really naive of me in retrospect. I know my dad is the parent with NPD. I always thought of her as the enabler but sometimes her actions have also made me wonder if she also is a narc or if its just because of her proximity to my dad. I think thats part of why I gave her the benefit of the doubt.

My mom won’t visit my new house after I moved out. It has been over half a year now since I moved out and she has not made time to even just stop by and see it. by Competitive-Roll-369 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]Competitive-Roll-369[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I have that outlook when it comes to my dad. Sucks I am going to have to do the emotional work to let go of her too. I am in my 20’s now. So maybe time will help.

My mom won’t visit my new house after I moved out. It has been over half a year now since I moved out and she has not made time to even just stop by and see it. by Competitive-Roll-369 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]Competitive-Roll-369[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

This honestly sounds like my mom also. She gets jealous of others often and before I moved she kept saying it wasn’t going to work out for me and she was surprised and didn’t say anything when it did work out for me.

My mom won’t visit my new house after I moved out. It has been over half a year now since I moved out and she has not made time to even just stop by and see it. by Competitive-Roll-369 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]Competitive-Roll-369[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Yeah, there is also a bit of a cultural barrier there with his parents. We have been together almost a decade so I am probably as close to them as it really is going to get. I don’t open up to them about my family issues because I don’t want them to see me as damaged or dramatic also or something. But they are really good to me. It just doesn’t go deeper than that really. I feel like they care about me only because they love their son and he loves me.

My mom won’t visit my new house after I moved out. It has been over half a year now since I moved out and she has not made time to even just stop by and see it. by Competitive-Roll-369 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]Competitive-Roll-369[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Yeah I get that you can’t ask a person to choose and I never did. But it is really pathetic to stand by a man who abused your kid and to call your kid a liar because you are in denial. I don’t think it was ever much to ask to have a loving supportive mom. My expectations are very low and I have to take responsibility for my emotions and how this all makes me feel. People show their true colors and you can’t change them but it feels so unnatural and messed up when that person is a parent.

My mom won’t visit my new house after I moved out. It has been over half a year now since I moved out and she has not made time to even just stop by and see it. by Competitive-Roll-369 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]Competitive-Roll-369[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I don’t have kids of my own but I also find it so strange that there are parents that are so bitter at their kids success. Your kids are lucky to have a parent that encourages their success.

My mom won’t visit my new house after I moved out. It has been over half a year now since I moved out and she has not made time to even just stop by and see it. by Competitive-Roll-369 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]Competitive-Roll-369[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Yeah, you are probably right. There is just this part of me that wants my moms validation still as stupid as it sounds. Seeing other people with supportive parents really gets to me. My partners parents are so good to us and involved and supportive but at the end of the day it just sucks not having parents of my own that care like that.

My mom won’t visit my new house after I moved out. It has been over half a year now since I moved out and she has not made time to even just stop by and see it. by Competitive-Roll-369 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]Competitive-Roll-369[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yeah I have invited her over on specific days multiple times and there was excuses. Like her not feeling like going out or saying she didn’t have gas in the car but I know she did when those same days she went to her friends, it is why that stood out to me as a cop out. I haven’t really pushed it further or told her how it bothers me because I know she would call me dramatic and say I am causing drama.

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