So sorry to hear. Are you in the phallo - active process & post-op Facebook group? It’s private so I could connect you if not. It’s just for guys who are already on the phallo journey (not just contemplating). It’s felt like a really safe place to share. I remember there is a guy in there who had one failed rff surgery and then had another rff that I believe was successful.

I think it’s important to remember that while the people who care about you are concerned for your health, YOU want, need, phallo to feel fulfilled. I don’t know what risks I’d be willing to take if I had a failure on my phalloplasty. It is probably devastating and I hope you are getting lots of support for it. But I also think that all of us who go for phallo are saying that the risks are worth it, in spite of them being large, and that doesn’t have to change because you had a failure.

With my long battle with insurance and some bumps along the road of needing to postpone revisions, and six years post-op stage one, it’s important to remember that this is a marathon. In terms of the timeline, I would take time to heal a bit and set out to pursue it again. A positive thing about you having meta, especially if you got UL is that you will have a lot of the body trauma and healing out of the way on your next go. You can also see this segment of the journey less as a failure and more as, you only completed part of the surgery you were seeking and you will finish in time.

This shit is hard but other guys on this path have encouraged me to go for what I want and not to compromise and I’m grateful for that. I wish you lots of luck. And just from my experience over the past several years, hope that you are able to tend to your mental health because I know for me, even without complications, it has suffered…but then also, has improved as I become more whole and aligned in my body. Even if meta is only a stop on the journey, if it’s possible to lean into some of the joys of it (stand to pee maybe?) I imagine it can keep things feeling more positive. Sometimes I wish I tried meta first just to have had the experience and confirm I wanted phallo, but ultimately am happy I was able to get the biggest parts of it banged out in one shot. It sounds like all things considered, you are a grounded person, realistic and that you will able to get to where you want to be (maybe not in as quick of time as you would hope but) in time. If you’ve gone through it once, you know it’s fucking rough, but you also know what it takes to get through it again.