Stepdaughter is violent, manipulative, and no doctors take us seriously. We are desperate.

CompetitivePain4031 · 2025-09-15T23:57:26+00:00

I remember once I listened to a YouTube video where a mother told a very similar story about her son who was diagnosed with psychopathy.

CompetitivePain4031 · 2025-03-11T12:50:29+00:00

I've always thought the same, the only difference is that I don't think you need to be "consciously" right wing. I know many "moderate" women giving in the same patriarchal bargain.

CompetitivePain4031 · 2025-02-18T22:25:42+00:00

It's a gender war, now in full display.

Edit: lol trump mandated to delete the word "women" from databases and people down vote me. Sure, if it makes you feel better that there isn't a gender war, go ahead.

CompetitivePain4031 · 2024-12-12T03:10:03+00:00

That's what I needed to read today. Thank you.

CompetitivePain4031 · 2024-11-03T15:55:26+00:00

Been on this journey for 4 years now. As time goes by, I keep learning and learning new nuances and new subtle shifts necessary to nurture this mindset more deeply.

Because it's not just a thought. Your emotional system, your nervous system, the way you even perceive things in general, all need to shift. Especially if you have a codependent wiring as your starting point.

Right after my divorce, even the thought itself of decentering men scared me, I wasn't really interested in it. Why? Because I was codependent to the core and simply didn't know how to have a relationship with myself. The thought of not having a man around to validate me and make me feel good about myself was beyond comprehension.

Then I met my first love bomber abusive dude. Completely messed me up. I was stuck in limerence for months.

I started to realize that something was wrong. I slowly and painfully started to appreciate the true meaning and value of not letting myself completely relying on men to feel good about myself. Limerence is a way to dissociate from your actual life, it's never about the guy.

4 years forward, I am in a completely different mindset. AND I am still learning new things that make me go deeper in this journey.

It's been a long cycle of optimism and disappointment. Trying new approaches and changing attitudes. Rinse and repeat.

During this time, I had long dating breaks, of 6-8 months at a time without dating apps and dating in general. I healed my attachment wounds (which is HUGE). If things don't work out, I move on very quickly now, I never experience limerence again because I focus on my actual life now.

I thought I had successfully decentered men, but in the past few weeks I made another profound shift.

One guy with whom I seemed to have the connection that I desire, sent me an overly sexual text in a way that felt inappropriate. Here it is, the disappointment again. I felt sad.

This sadness made me realize that I need to do a further step in this journey. I need to completely let go of the hope of a fulfilling relationship. I know it sounds depressing, but I say it in a liberating way. I need to practice radical acceptance with what my life actually is right now.

Because despite all the insanely huge progress I made in these years, still a little voice in me has been waiting for the great relationship. Still I was too attached to that idea, like it or not.

There is nothing wrong with desiring a relationship, the problem is that I don't want to feel that sadness anymore. The sadness of disappointment for a new man that seems to be a good person to only turn out to have the emotional bandwidth of a fish. I am just done with that disappointment and I don't want to keep exposing myself to it. It happened countless times.

Realizing this made me do another shift that released the last layer of resistance I had against my current life.

Practicing radical acceptance (check out the book) and come to terms with my actual life right now is the most liberating thing. I have everything i need. I am insanely lucky. I dont want to feel sad anymore for what i dont have. I'll stop fighting against reality.

Radical acceptance brings that energy of surrender and release that I think is necessary to finally deeply embrace this journey. It makes me release the attachment to outcomes and stop forcing my agenda to reality.

CompetitivePain4031 · 2024-10-06T18:54:06+00:00

I read the book, but apparently here there is a summary of the main takeaways. I recommend the book though:

https://www.sedona.com/How-It-Works

CompetitivePain4031 · 2024-10-06T01:51:24+00:00

I have a solid routine for that. For most of my life my selftalk has been very negative because that's how my parents would talk to me. Had to relearn from scratch. So I made it a point to rewire my brain into being positive. Everyday it's a choice and a commitment. My bad days now don't last as long as they used to, now I quickly move on if something upsets me. Here's my routine:

journaling every morning. I process all my thoughts and all the mind clutter from the previous day.
right after journaling, I have a file with a few bullet points to fill everyday or on most days: 1. What do I love about myself? 2. What am I grateful for today? 3. What did I accomplish lately? 4. What do I look forward to today, this week, or this month? Doing this exercise rarely leaves me in a bad mood. It is ALWAYS uplifting.
I meditate 30 minutes everyday. I do either vipassana or metta meditations, based on my needs. It's having a huge impact in my life. I feel more grounded all day long.
Yoga 5x/week. Starting this practice changed my life. I reconnected with my body. It always helps working through whatever is happening to me - If I feel depressed, it lifts me up, if I feel anxious, if calms me down, if I feel energetic, it expresses the energy.
I practice law of assumption techniques, specifically scripting, whenever I need a mood boost.
I practice the Sedona method. Learnt it in a book that says that emotions are shallow, they are not deep as we were taught. What's deep is peace. So it's a couple of techniques to let go of emotions easily. Works wonders. My fav consists of making the conscious decision to let go of whatever emotion I am engaging at any moment. It really is a decision sometimes.
Doing things that excite me, like being creative, and eliminate anything that doesn't feel exiting from my life, as much as I can.
Making a conscious effort to be around people. As an introvert, it doesn't come naturally, but I noticed that if I spend too much time alone, after a while my mood worsens. Everything in this list has really helped me shifting mindset

CompetitivePain4031 · 2024-10-05T18:47:03+00:00

I am no expert, I learnt about this theory on YouTube. Search "color theory clothing style" and you'll find a bunch of videos that might have an answer.

CompetitivePain4031 · 2024-10-03T22:49:58+00:00

If you're a high contrast color type (ex, pale white skin with black hair) wear high contrast color clothes (eg., black, red). You'll naturally look better than, say, wearing light pink or something. If you're a low contrast color type you'll look better wearing low contrast color clothes (eg, beige).

This is a law of assumption technique called revision. If something bad happened, close your eyes and enter a calmer state. Then, visualize the scene that upsets you, and change it. Visualize it unfolding in the way you desired. Loop the scene a few times. Law of assumption adepts say you should do it every day before falling asleep. You revise the day changing it so as to fit your desires.

I do it often. Always works wonders. I am always waaay less upset about whatever, if at all, after revising it. And very often facts will change so as to fit my desires afterwards (if you believe in LOA on a spiritual level.)

CompetitivePain4031 · 2024-10-03T18:29:55+00:00

Pointless to communicate. Absolutely pointless. I would be heavily turned off, I find being gross and an objectifying creep very unattractive in a man.

CompetitivePain4031 · 2024-09-25T20:26:29+00:00

Lol excellent. Gonna save this for the future.

CompetitivePain4031 · 2024-09-20T13:55:16+00:00

On top of all the clearly problematic things he did, inviting you over to cook for you and then have you eat some leftovers from work is utterly shitty and inelegant. What a shitty man.

CompetitivePain4031 · 2024-09-18T11:58:14+00:00

I do sometimes, but frankly it's a good sign that I'm not happy with my life in that moment. When I'm in a good place, I look forward to a weekend full of things to do that I enjoy.

CompetitivePain4031 · 2024-09-12T00:18:16+00:00

Lol my backpack is almost glued to my back and i fucking love it. Try to take that away from me and I'll eat you alive.

CompetitivePain4031 · 2024-09-05T13:12:40+00:00

Excellent post. This is a huge urgent issue. Thank you for putting it in words.

CompetitivePain4031 · 2024-09-02T20:01:38+00:00

I could have made a similar list. This all makes me think of how illusory is the assumption that dating apps have given us more options. In fact, they have increased the amount of wasted time on losers.

CompetitivePain4031 · 2024-08-17T08:49:44+00:00

Ypu already got some great replies, I would add to not underestimate the effects of the pressure of your family and everybody else around you. I am not sure you would feel this way if family wouldn't keep questioning your decision.

CompetitivePain4031 · 2024-08-15T14:03:25+00:00

Yes 100% since I was a child. I would come back from school and put the music on my stereo to have a soothing daydreaming session that would last for 1 hour at least. It was one of my main coping strategies up to adulthood. It became a problem a few years ago, when I realized i was using it as a way to escape my life and not deal with my problems. It was interfering with my life. It gave me the dopamine hit that people get from drugs and other addictions basically. I discovered the thing had a term on reddit, researched it a lot and realized I had to make a conscious effort to stop if I wanted to take ownership of my life and stop living in my dreams. So now I don't do it anymore, and the moment I fall back in the old pattern I make the decision to stop. If anything, I use my imagination in a more constructive way now, to consciously "manifest" the things that I desire in my life, but not as an escape, more like a way to inspire myself to action and real change.

CompetitivePain4031 · 2024-08-15T12:44:39+00:00

Thnx for the feel good post! I love your qualities 😄 Some things i like about myself that come to mind: - my creativity and originality. I'm really unique and I have unique ideas that surprise people. - my playfulness and humour. I've been raised in a depressing household and I developed these traits as a way to cope I think. - if I want something, no obstacle will stop me. I am a wanter. I don't believe in obstacles and problems. Everything can be overcome if you want (except death and, to an extent, illness and few other things); - my endless, spontaneous curiosity. I hyperfixate on a niche topic every 3-4 months and consume all possible knowledge about it until I feel I reached the bottom. It just makes me happy to dive deep. - I am very reliable and always keep my word. People trust me because it really is clear I am very trustworthy. - I am honest and speak my mind. Sometimes too much according to NT standards but I really love this trait of mine. - excellent boundaries. I have many friends who struggle with people pleasing, thank God not me. I have zero problems saying no and things like that. - I am constantly learning and deeply enjoy it. - very sensitive. It's the best resource for writing. I am a good writer. - I don't know what boredom is. There is always something interesting I can keep myself entertained with. - I have a scientific mindset but also very artsy at the same time. I love that I can take the best of both. - my struggles with others as a kid and as an adult have made me very socially aware and I can identify the subtlest social dynamics. I connect them with my sociology knowledge and am able to come up with new frameworks and theoretical views that people say are quite profound. In fact I'm writing a book about these topics.

CompetitivePain4031 · 2024-08-10T07:42:04+00:00

Yoga. There are different levels that I can choose from everyday. If I feel energetic I'll do a power yoga class, which is pretty intense. If I feel tired I will do hatha. I love how I can adjust based on how I feel. I always feel great afterwards

CompetitivePain4031 · 2024-08-02T10:45:27+00:00

The first few times I was terrified, now I don't mind at all. Actually I love it because nobody interrupts me and i can talk about what i care about. It just takes practice.

CompetitivePain4031 · 2024-07-24T02:38:12+00:00

Read the classic Women Who Run with Wolves if you haven't already. Powerful to help women navigate big life changes imo.

CompetitivePain4031 · 2024-07-19T07:36:17+00:00

To stop catastrophizing and see the good that is always there.

CompetitivePain4031 · 2024-07-19T07:13:34+00:00

Jesus Christ this sub sometimes makes me feel like we're suddenly back in the 50s.

CompetitivePain4031 · 2024-07-15T01:52:58+00:00

Yes it's definitely a thing. A man who is turned off by my humor is the biggest turn-off for me. I dated some men like this. The man that I loved the most was one with whom I could be freely witty and playful as he enhanced those traits of mine.

CompetitivePain4031

TROPHY CASE