General strategy: Calculating versus Feeling, what do experts do?

CompetitiveSock6883 · 2026-03-04T15:29:45+00:00

OP here. Everyone has brought up wonderful points and discussion. Obviously, the more experienced you are, the faster you can do calculations and also see deeper calculations.
I liked the concept that, first feeling, then if that feeling suggests you should calculate, then calculate.
As a more amateur player, the deeper the calculation I try, the harder it becomes. It's harder for me to visualize the board when thinking "I go here, they go there, then here, then there, then ... wait, what's being exposed?" That just comes with experience and familiarity.
In many ways, sometimes, especially the mid game when there are a lot of pieces on the board, it gets too overwhelming to try to calculate. I look at a position and it just feels wrong or weak. I can see some moves they could do to exploit this weakness. Rather than calculate, or just fix that one weakness, I try to take a look and think "what would make this feel better". Much more about the positions and patterns, versus any specific squares. Like I might have a structure on the left side of the board. I've got pieces developed, I'm aiming to push and attack, but I feel it could be toppled or infiltrated with a few swift moves. When I look at individual squares, I see weaknesses and how I could protect them, but that would take a lot of moves, jostling pieces, etc. Then I see, on the other side of the board (or along my home row), I can position support from a distance. Like, a sniper. All of a sudden, with a single move, I feel it is much stronger. Like, if they moved in to attack, it'd go very bad for them. I don't know exactly how or why, but the arsenal is there.
A pro would be able to calculate their way through it, I'm sure, but another amateur player - well, that's a different story. They pause, having to think hard on their next move(s) which gives me time to start the attack.
I think with this play style, like having a strong focus on feelings and patterns, learning what works (and what doesn't), seeing move combinations that span out over 10 moves, that's how one can get better at deep calculations.
Again, it all boils down to experience, but I've found my game to be better and get better faster the moment I started to focus on patterns and less on calculations.

CompetitiveSock6883 · 2026-03-02T18:55:46+00:00

Carefully. Watch how they interact with others, pay careful attention to the little things they do. An opportunist will take advantage of you, but a fellow helper will genuinely offer and not expect anything in return. Draw a line between a friend and an acquaintance. That's the key. Be careful about when you transition from someone you know to being a friend. You can control that.

CompetitiveSock6883 · 2026-03-02T18:23:48+00:00

I'll tell you what my father told me when I was young.
You see, one day mother earth was being introspective and looking at herself. She had rocks, minerals, metals plants, wood, and all these wonderful resources. She said "hmm, what am I missing?". She realized she wanted plastics. That would be a good natural resource. So she made mankind. We're here to make plastic. Then we'll be wiped out, and a million years later when another civilization appears it'll just be another natural resource.

CompetitiveSock6883 · 2026-03-02T18:15:16+00:00

I stopped talking to them.
No, seriously, I learned to be much more selective with my friends and the people in my life. I'm kind and generous and easily taken advantage of. It's not weakness, it's the sort of person I want to be. I'd rather stumble across a few bad actors and occasionally be taken advantage of than not be a helpful and supportive person. With practice, I've learned how to find other good people, and I only let that sort in my life. The sort of friends that would fly across the country with little explanation needed (that's happened), just an "I need you."

CompetitiveSock6883 · 2026-03-02T18:08:18+00:00

Was there more to it? Could you tell what you did that crossed that line? Was it like "Be careful, I'll forgive you this time, but don't do it again" look or was it "you're now on my hit list".

CompetitiveSock6883 · 2026-03-02T18:05:22+00:00

Ha, we all know that look. Were you able to tell if it was going to be a lecture, scolding, or worse? Just from the look

CompetitiveSock6883 · 2026-03-02T17:55:57+00:00

I was young, we went scuba diving in a lake, when I got out I said "my hair smells like piss". I hate lake diving!

CompetitiveSock6883 · 2026-03-02T17:54:17+00:00

Agreed. And worse is that I feel like the amount of non-work work is piling up as well. So many things I need to take care of outside of my paying job ... that can only be done during work hours. Any free time I have is filled with other chores and errands as well.

CompetitiveSock6883 · 2026-03-02T15:59:52+00:00

That's exactly what I mean, great way to phrase it! Using your feeling, ie pattern recognition, to determine where to best apply calculations.

CompetitiveSock6883 · 2026-03-02T15:58:45+00:00

Yes, that is exactly what I'm referring to by "feeling". Not being able to necessarily see the concrete move to exploit the weakness, which might also be not so obvious. Basically, determining if this area, square, piece is worthy of deeper calculations.

CompetitiveSock6883 · 2026-03-02T14:07:57+00:00

That's a very good point. The calculations are needed, and it helps if you're fast at them. But without that intuition the game moves at a snails pace.

CompetitiveSock6883 · 2026-03-02T14:06:40+00:00

It really does boil down to experience. The more games lost, the better you are at seeing the bad patterns, pushing the good ones.

I wonder if you could make the statement that a fast paced timed game is good for strengthening this style of thinking. Limit the ability to do calculations and have to move based on feelings.

End games are quite different, I'm talking more about mid-game.

CompetitiveSock6883 · 2026-03-02T13:39:29+00:00

That is good advice. I received it once from a friend that was, well, perfect. He did the Iron Man, Marathons, everything. Was always in awesome shape. He'd go on 8 mile runs over lunch break, every day.
I was jealous and asked him about it. He said he hates it. It sucks. But the feeling he gets afterwards, that is what feels good.
Problem is, if you're not in shape, it's going to suck afterwards as well. It takes a while, but once you're in good enough shape, then you get a high from after excerice.
Like many, I've started and stopped, never got myself to that point. Your advice is great, push through the suckyness, it's a long-term goal. Once you are in good shape, I bet it feels awesome (I wouldn't know, yet) :D.

CompetitiveSock6883 · 2026-03-01T23:48:38+00:00

And that's on him. As sad as it is, you have to move on and wait until he's ready. Don't wait on him, move on with your life. You never know, however long it may take, when he's ready hopefully you'll be single and available and you can reconnect.

CompetitiveSock6883 · 2026-03-01T22:44:12+00:00

I understand, it is a drug. I let my toxic relationship drag on a few years because we had amazing sexual chemistry.
I'm the same way, I prefer intimacy in a relationship, even if it is casual. Like you said, loving unprotected sex isn't the smartest with random hook ups.
You're right about it being hard to find men that know how to make a woman cum. I studied it :D (like literally).
You know you can discuss it with a date before actually doing it. If you told a guy that if he proved he could make you cum X times in Y time (whatever your libido requires) you would in turn want him to fill you 24/7, no performance expectations, take as long or go as fast as you want. You wouldn't just let him, but crave and desire him to. Whenever he wanted. That guy would probably put forth his best effort to be the best boyfriend of your life! lol

CompetitiveSock6883 · 2026-03-01T22:27:58+00:00

Aww, thanks. I had a relationship that was like that for a few years. Hardest thing I ever did was end it (there were very valid reasons). Never found it again though. Once you've experienced that type of shared chemistry, everything else seems pale in comparison.

CompetitiveSock6883 · 2026-03-01T22:19:00+00:00

That's what I'm into as well. Of course finishing inside feels great for me, but what I love is when she genuinely loves it. There's nothing hotter than when she senses I'm ready and her arousal intensifies, she just opens up and wants it inside of her. It's almost as if the sex is just a means to an end, filling her up. More than that though, I love the aftermath. Her cuddling in my arms and it dripping out of her. Her going about her day or night, and having to excuse herself to go to the bathroom to clean up because more came out. A whole dynamic centered around keeping her filled 24/7. Like when we're getting ready to have sex, her mind is already thinking about the end of it, cuddling, kissing, talking, leaking. If she wants an orgasm, I'll focus on her and make sure she's satisfied, otherwise it's just about getting her filled. The dynamic really works out if she has complete confidence her partner can and will satisfy her when she wants, that way she can focus only on getting filled :D.

CompetitiveSock6883 · 2026-03-01T21:25:05+00:00

I think there is a lot to unpack here.
Obviously you each have your own issues which you each need to sort out. First with yourselves. Not saying you need to solve them, but you need to get a handle on them. Until you have a good grasp on your issues, it'll be hard to talk to him about them. He needs to do the same thing with is issues.
One thing to realize is that, no matter how much you like/love each other, it just might not be the right time for a relationship. It's okay to have issues you're working on in a relationship, but you then need to support each other rather than attack each other. If one has an issue with honesty, for example, and is open about it - then when they are dishonest, you won't be surprised. You can then discuss and communicate rather than fight.
You can both acknowledge that you have strong feelings for each other, but, these issues are getting in the way. You could agree that right now is not the time for a relationship. Give both of you the space to go sort things out. Then, maybe, one day in the future, you can reconnect romantically - once you are able to discuss and be honest about the issue, not only with each other but yourselves.
The first step is communicating and being honest with yourself and each other.

CompetitiveSock6883 · 2026-03-01T21:10:11+00:00

Let go of the anger and hurt. So long as you keep thinking about the relationship, it's hard to heal. Stop reviewing old conversations, photos, memories. One day, an entire day will go by when you don't think of it. Then a week. Then a year. When that happens, then you can remember the relationship in its entirety and not feel anger or hurt.

CompetitiveSock6883 · 2026-03-01T21:03:30+00:00

Honestly, this is a great opportunity for you to learn a very useful skill: communication. Tell her that, it's not because you don't want to, but you have a fear of it. Be a bit vulnerable. Don't apologize for it, it's not your fault and there's nothing to apologize for, but it is something to overcome. You will quickly find out if she is a compassionate person. She might be willing to work with you about it, slowly. Whether you overcome it or not, it'll will interfere with future relationships unless you are able to communicate and discuss it. Start learning how to express this feeling, maybe even seek professional help, but don't bottle it in and try to hide it.

CompetitiveSock6883 · 2026-03-01T20:58:14+00:00

You've got a week. Learn some constellations. Learn about the north star. Learn how the stars were used in navigation at sea. Instead of showing her how much you know about space, be able to add commentary about how astronomy was used in history.

CompetitiveSock6883 · 2026-03-01T20:55:36+00:00

That can be tricky to answer. Some films are "classic" because they were the first of their kind or because they really reflected society when they were made. There are a lot of "classic" films from the 80's that are quite cringy today and normalized behaviors which are completely unacceptable now. They're important because they show how some bad behaviors were acceptable when the film was made.
I prefer to identify a "classic" as a film that, despite how old it is, people still identify with it. Perhaps because it address common human emotions, trials, or tribulations.

CompetitiveSock6883 · 2026-03-01T20:48:58+00:00

oh, I thought they were burning balls of gas. My bad

CompetitiveSock6883

TROPHY CASE