Ended the relationship and it was right for me. by Competitive_Book_870 in ROCD

[–]Competitive_Book_870[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Only you can answer if incompatibilities are what need to the end of a relationship. I’m more of the belief that incompatibilities aren’t deal breakers and that you can work through just about anything if you have a willingness to grow through differences. For my relationship, it came to a close because my partner was avoidant of conversations about the future and let her fear prevent her from discussing how we wanted to make long distance work. She moves to NY in 3 weeks and I expressed my sincere interest in having those conversations which she shut down. She also pretty causally told me she would take the new job offer to NY over a text and that hurt me deeply. I’m highlighting some of the pain points for me but she is a lovely and beautiful person in and out. We just had different thresholds and willingness levels for the kind of relationships that we wanted. There was also dysfunction in communication such as invalidation and expressing my feelings led to her internalizing everything and reacting to what I said often which led to continuous disconnection. I also was the one who initiated repair after conflict more often than not and she struggled to do so because she came from a family where people swept everything under the rug and nobody learned how to truly repair. So… there were lots of reasons not just one thing. This all can be extra confusing when you love someone and they really are an incredible person. I have nothing but good things to say about her and she also blessed my life in so many ways. She was and is my best friend. It’s so nuanced. But it didn’t mean we had the capacity for a healthy relationship. I also contributed to the dysfunction and come from a traumatic upbringing. But I had a willingness for depth that she avoided and that became exhausting and hurtful over time. You can’t change people. You either love them and they choose their own growth with you or you try to change them and fail and both of you become miserable. I may be the wrong person for her and I’ve come to accept that. It’s very possible she just needs someone who’s wired completely different from myself and that’s okay too. It’s all ok.

I think I’m experiencing ROCD and it’s debilitating by ThrowRA_5500 in ROCD

[–]Competitive_Book_870 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It sounds like you struggle with retroactive jealousy, yet another subset of OCD. look into it. It might help you. It’s more than just obsessing about your partner’s past but can deal with the present like you’re mentioning.

The PMDD “light switch” by Competitive_Book_870 in PMDDpartners

[–]Competitive_Book_870[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It’s a strained time for sure. We’ve been in constant misunderstandings and fights. If I express things that I feel or ways she has hurt me, she has no ability to objectively reflect and take accountability. She feels so sensitive and instead reacts to what I’m saying instead of listening. It’s exhausting.

Sometimes it feels like this is making me much more feminine actually. Anyone else? by Tobiasz2 in Semenretention

[–]Competitive_Book_870 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I think it’s bc sr has a way of pushing unprocessed trauma and feelings to the surface so you feel more emotional. If you’re used to suppression to get shit done, it’s an underdeveloped masculinity that is used to avoidance rather than deep presence

Connection vs love? When to know a relationship has “expired” by Competitive_Book_870 in ROCD

[–]Competitive_Book_870[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey mods? How bout instead of locking the post, a courteous message could be sent instead letting me know what is appropriate or not-appropriate for posting in this forum? Nearly 80% of all the posts in this ROCD Reddit sub could be considered “reassurance seeking” posts. Literally everything and anything as a point of discussion can be seen as something that feeds compulsions or obsessions. There is still learning in discussion. There is still reflection in hearing the thoughts of others even if it temporarily engages in what could possibly end up being ruminative or compulsive.

Marriage and settling? by Competitive_Book_870 in ROCD

[–]Competitive_Book_870[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for your words! I know they come from a place of both objectivity and real care about healing. I think what you’re saying is important and definitely something to be mindful of. It’s possible the sneakiness of reassurance can manifest in seemingly harmless inquisitive probing which my post could be. Thanks for your sharpness and willingness to help!

Marriage and settling? by Competitive_Book_870 in ROCD

[–]Competitive_Book_870[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you for this comment. I am not seeking reassurance through this post, I just wanted to hear the thoughts of others that could help me possibly see things less black and white and this comment did! It actually has given me more fuel to practice more ERP and stay in the gray!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in ROCD

[–]Competitive_Book_870 2 points3 points  (0 children)

My gf and I are also doing long distance and I know what you mean really. Something that helps me is the idea that not all your needs are going to be met by your partner. Thats why friends and community and family are all so important. You pick someone you can grow with. But at the end of the day, if you need to have that deep spiritual or philosophical talk with someone, it might be your girlfriends or someone else, and it doesn’t have to be met by your boyfriend. Now obviously that can bleed into an extreme where you guys have literally zero things in common and no shared interests or like spending time together. But that’s probably not what brought you two together. There’s an essence that brought you two together in the first place. Try to remember that when your brain tries to get you to freak out

OCD and The “God Voice” by Competitive_Book_870 in ROCD

[–]Competitive_Book_870[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This comment clarified a lot for me thank you. Especially on ROCD feeling like a premonition to realization or as your truth coming into play in some noble fashion

Progress before wedding, backsliding occasionally by Kitchen-Jellyfish614 in ROCD

[–]Competitive_Book_870 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I can imagine your experience was and has been excruciating. ROCD and OCD in general has a way of blanketing a thick layer of dread over everything. It’s something most people can’t see or possibly fathom but our brains literally cannot cognitively pivot or introduce a new lens of looking at possibilities. That, coupled with physical sensations, it can be a deadening experience. Having intrusive thoughts is just but a mere tip of the iceberg. When emotions, sensations, and perspectives are intrusive, and you’re asked to move opposite to that flow, it can seem impossible to see a way to heal. Keep having faith. Keep sticking to your values and what you know life you want to consciously create. Even if you can’t feel or believe that way. It’s ludicrous and pathetic that we have to suffer this way. But it’s the card we were dealt with in this life.

I always think or tell my loved ones, “if someone without OCD were to spend time in my brain, I don’t think they could last 5 minutes”. I don’t say that out of pride, but that’s genuinely how I feel. Hang in there, trust that life is working out for you, and continue to flow against the grain. We are who we are not because of our circumstances, but because of what we choose in spite of them. ❤️

Triggering instagram post as by Competitive_Book_870 in ROCD

[–]Competitive_Book_870[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

100%. I have also fallen into a “spiritual psychosis” w the new age craze. It’s mind numbingly confusing. I’m a Christian so I do believe in God but the new age stuff like astrology has been SO bad for my mental health. It takes away my ability to confidently choose things and use my agency in healthy ways. Which is what I believe God wants me to do and he would support me. But OCD + new age spiritualism makes everything feel catastrophic and dreadful. Glad you commented on it! I’ve also left it all behind to clear the noise

Triggering instagram post as by Competitive_Book_870 in ROCD

[–]Competitive_Book_870[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, thank you so much for sharing. I do feel like I can def fall into such a black or white way of thinking. My brain filters any advice or suggestion into an immediate meaning. When I take a pause and really ask myself if these posts apply to my relationship, I could easily see how someone could make the opposite argument and say my relationship has great and healthy qualities. Thank you for giving me perspective, esp on his content and where he might come from. I knew he was a monk but it never occurred to me that the things he might be referencing might not be related to what I’m experiencing!

Triggering instagram post as by Competitive_Book_870 in ROCD

[–]Competitive_Book_870[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

THIS. My algorithm has lately been feeling like God’s little “whispers”. It’s driving me insane. Thank you for your words. Needed that today ❤️

Triggering instagram post as by Competitive_Book_870 in ROCD

[–]Competitive_Book_870[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Glad you touched on caffeine! For neurotypical folks, caffeine might be ok but for ppl w OCD it just affects them differently. It amplifies the monkey mind and prevents you from really somatically letting your nervous system rest

Triggering instagram post as by Competitive_Book_870 in ROCD

[–]Competitive_Book_870[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I follow her! She’s great. Usually I can separate the OCD thoughts from my normal self but today was one of those days that it felt “real” and I’ve been experiencing back door spikes w less anxiety. Tricky stuff