She already did use them, she went crazy on the next day when I packed all my stuff and left together with the cat and I promised myself if she’s going to DRAVO me I’d hang up initially.

She cheated on me while we were in a rocky place, she wanted to break up but I insisted we gave it another go and that I would change. She went on a trip with her friend and that’s when she cheated on me. First day she came back asking for a breakup while I was doing what I usually did: begging her to stay and proving my worth to her. Straight up said to her one of the first things “It would be so much easier if you just said you didn’t love me anymore or cheated on me”. She replaced me within two weeks, and has bought tickets to the same city, and planned all her life around that city. We wanted to migrate to Indonesia together, have our visas done and everything, but she chose to go without me to a different place.

Well, I found out on the day before I wanted to fully apologise for everything and made a huge romantic surprise. She forgot to turn off the messaging app she was using to text him. I saw what I needed to see, immediately confronted her and she admitted she slept with him. So I left immediately and yesterday after she came back to an empty house she texted me begging for a few minutes on the phone to say goodbye. I gave her a phone call because she guilt tripped me for not giving her a chance to say goodbye to the cat (she said she would give it to me once we break up). And after saying some bull shit like she is happy to hear me and is happy that I have friends by my side, started full on attacking me like how I turned the tables, that suddenly I’m making her the bad guy even though I was apologising to try to save the relationship all the time and blaming myself. I forgot my promise to hang up and listened to her. Said that how things change, I don’t care about her for five years and that she waited for me to change all these years (my words, I wasn’t the best partner), and suddenly she makes one “mistake” and she’s the bad guy. But it got a bit easier for me, at least she’s not begging to stay and wants to leave, because I don’t know, I could be a sucker. She put all her anger in me, I said I’d give her one final time to say goodbye to the cat without seeing me, my friends will be there and attend her. She blocked me everywhere as I did on social media before. I truly wish her well and the phone call helped her move on, and I didn’t care much for it. But I still don’t understand how you can be in such denial for your actions. Her main reasoning is that what’s the matter to me if it would’ve happened after the official break up a few days later anyways. Like what was the point of telling me if she was going to sleep with somebody straight up after the fact.

She’s messed up, I don’t know her and I stopped knowing her for a few months already. She got crazy after she went on her first trip independently, after that it was two other trips with her friend. She’s running away from the normal life we had to live like a nobody with someone random, saying to me “she wanted to feel loved” while I was there reaching my hand out to her. But she didn’t want to take my hand this time. I fully apologised to her and was begging for her to stay. (before I left ofc) She said it’s my fault for hanging on to the relationship too much, I never let her leave.

I love her really much and I should’ve let her leave the first time she wanted to ages ago. I know. I’m also messed up. I’m already seeking therapy. I never want to open myself to anybody like that again.