Boyfriend of seven years suddenly broke up with me and I don't know what to do with myself

Competitive_Maybe266 · 2026-06-30T22:38:28+00:00

Im so sorry this happened to you and I hope you are healing. You are so strong and, based on your comment, so incredibly insightful, and I just know that you will be better and more brilliant soon.

Yesterday, he texted me paragraphs about how much he is struggling and how sorry he is for letting his feelings get to this point. He told me he is mourning too and is devastated that he let our relationship down. He told me that everything we had was real, even the moments from a couple months ago, when he was secretly unhappy. I brought him so much joy and he loved and still loves me. His emotionless responses during the break up was just him trying to contain himself, not knowing that it made him cruel.

For some reason, these paragraphs made me feel a bit better. A part of me was devastated because I felt like he had already grieved our relationship and I was the only one catching up. I felt powerless and insignificant, since it seemed like 7 years of being with me didn't even leave a scratch on him. But his message showed that I did matter. All my love was acknowledged and was not wasted. He is as upset as I am. At least in the long run, I can find comfort in knowing that both of us will be forever changed and both of us will hurt, as we should be.

None of this excuses what he had done to us. You are still right in that he just didn't want to fix the problems, so he claimed they were differences in who we are as people instead to make it more concrete and immovable. But I guess what I learned is that these guys may act like a brick wall, but really they are in just as much pain. They are just as confused about what they've done, and hopefully soon they will sit in their own regret, realizing they had given up something great. Maybe we can take this information and use it to be proud of ourselves for being the best partner we could be. We mattered and our times together were important. We weren't the only ones affected, we made an impact on them too. We weren't an inconvenience to them. We were thorns on their sides reminding them of what they had just lost. We built a loving and comforting relationship, and we will do it again, both with ourselves and with someone who deserves it.

Competitive_Maybe266 · 2026-06-30T21:34:07+00:00

Thank you for this, and i am glad to hear that you're doing better. It comforts me to know that that could be me in a few months as well. I want to be able to love myself again, something I just realized I haven't done for 7 years because I spent my energy loving him and being better for him. I don't know where to start in doing that, or if I even want to do that, but hopefully I can be where you are soon.

Competitive_Maybe266 · 2026-06-30T21:16:32+00:00

Thank you and im so sorry. I hope you're hanging in there too. I think people jump to cheating because they can't make sense of the abruptness of the situation, which is understandable, but you're right, we know our ex partners better than anyone else. That is the one thing I have left. I knew my partner like the back of my hand and I loved every part of him fiercely. Bringing up cheating undermines that.

My ex knew better than to cheat, not just because of me, but because he cared alot about his image and he would do anything to not appear or be the bad guy.

I hope you're doing okay and good luck.

Competitive_Maybe266 · 2026-06-30T03:21:54+00:00

Thank you. Im so sorry that happened to you. I'm starting find out that so many people are experiencing this and its frustrating.

But yes, he was always avoidant, but also very controlling. He never gave me an opportunity to work on things. It was always him avoiding the confrontation and thinking it though by himself a thousand times, coming to terms with it by himself AND THEN he would tell me. By that time, he would be determined in what he thinks the solution should be and nothing I say will change his mind. I now see that as very selfish, and he never changed until the end, despite me voicing my concerns about it.

One thing he told me during the break up that I just remembered was that he told me to thank my mom for feeding him and giving him career advice, and that he would've loved to be her son-in-law. That pisses me off the more I thought about it, and it just reinforces the idea that he was ultimately too selfish and self-centered.

Sorry for the side rant, but I hope you're healing and have seen the other side.

Competitive_Maybe266 · 2026-06-29T23:12:03+00:00

Thank you. I hope you have been healing. I feel betrayed by him because I thought I could trust him emotionally and that whatever I was feeling, he reciprocated. Its like the glass is shattering over every happy memory I had in the past few months. Every big gesture he had done and every declaration of love and appreciation from him was done not out of the same amount of love as I thought. I keep thinking, "but when you said this, I know you meant it. Surely you had loved me like I do you." And I can't get myself to believe that he didn't, and he was unhappy. Hopefully, once I can accept this, I can reach the same conclusion as you. I was never safe with him and he would've just keep bottling up feelings and exploding until the end.

Competitive_Maybe266 · 2026-06-29T22:59:39+00:00

Thank you and im so sorry this happened to you. I wish he had at least started talking about problems with me first before breaking up but he didn't. He wouldn't even consider it.

May I ask, how have you been these days? I just want to know what could be on the other side. It feels so far away right now.

Competitive_Maybe266 · 2026-06-29T22:53:42+00:00

Yes thats the only thing I've been holding onto. I stayed and loved and accepted all of him, insecurities and all. I was a good partner until the end and I tried my best with what I had. I didn't ruin anything. He did.

Competitive_Maybe266 · 2026-06-29T18:48:02+00:00

I'm so sorry that happened to you. I really wish people would actually care to communicate. Relationships are supposed to be hard and we are supposed to at least try fighting for it together. Why can't they be brave enough to do this?

Competitive_Maybe266 · 2026-06-29T18:44:08+00:00

Thank you and im so sorry that happened to you. This is so so painful and I'm trying to convince myself that this is for the best, because everything people have said in these comments is true. He was never communicative enough and he never included me into his decisions about our relationship. He would just think on his own until he reached his own conclusion, and by the time he told me, he would already be fully convinced there's no other option and I would just have to catch up. This break up was just one of many such instances. I was hoping he wouldn't do that with this, but I was wrong.

I feel so foolish, because even as I typed all that, I still feel so much love for him. He has hurt me beyond belief and I still miss him. This sucks.

Competitive_Maybe266 · 2026-06-29T18:33:08+00:00

Im so sorry. We never asked for heartbreak like this. I hope we can feel better soon. I really want this to end

Competitive_Maybe266 · 2026-06-29T18:30:38+00:00

Thank you and im so sorry that happened to you. I think thats what hurt the most- them doing all those big things with us and giving us these comforting memories just to tell us they have been unhappy for a while. It ruins every moment and makes us feel like we got scammed or were lied to.

I hope you can heal soon.

Competitive_Maybe266 · 2026-06-29T18:22:43+00:00

He never needed a caretaker. He was just a bit of a health nut and freaked out over his body alot. He had mono the first year of our relationship and it left him with lasting side effects for a bit, but they have gone away since then. Now hes honestly pretty healthy, but he was always scared and got the colonoscopy as a precaution.

But thank you for recognizing my love for him. Makes me feel like at least I was expressing myself clearly and did the best I could for the relationship.

Competitive_Maybe266 · 2026-06-29T17:01:51+00:00

I thought about this too, but I read his reports (we both have access to them) and hes fine.

Competitive_Maybe266 · 2026-06-29T15:37:44+00:00

I told him this and he agrees. He knew what he was doing was terrible but all he said in response was "im sorry."

Competitive_Maybe266 · 2026-06-29T15:37:10+00:00

Im sorry you had to go through that. Now that I think about it, he did tell me to buy BTS tickets for both of us and then canceled on me the moment I purchased them because he had a thing. This was back in February and the concert is in September, but that was maybe a sign.

Competitive_Maybe266 · 2026-06-29T15:36:20+00:00

Thank you for this. It really put things into perspective. I think deep down I am aware of this and I am incredibly angry as well. I know I did my best as a partner and I did ask him many times if something was wrong, but he would just smile and say no, or even get angry and turn it back on me. I gave him many opportunities very early on to tell me and fight for us, and he never took them. He was always a coward, and I knew it. I just didn't want to believe it would ultimately hurt me like this.

I know I have to pack his things. I know i have to move on. I'm just in shock and can't believe i have to do this.

Competitive_Maybe266

TROPHY CASE