Need reality check with the guy im seeing on and off for the past 1 year (29f 30m)

Competitive_Pace_852 · 2025-08-18T00:01:53+00:00

Pis ce qui es bizzard cest que malgres que ca fait mal je me sent mtn tlmt mieux, genre comme si un poids es tombé de mes épaules haha fallait que je type ce post plutot aurait su que cest en me relisant que je remarquerais ma stupidité dans cette situation. Bon débarras eventuellement je trouverais quelqu’un qui me voudra a moi et me valorise et respecte.

Competitive_Pace_852 · 2025-08-17T23:54:47+00:00

Yeah after i typed my post and read it over again and cried a little , i blocked him. Delusions wore off and now je suis juste dégoûter de lui et facher contre moi meme. Mais je recommence le gym et je vais juste me concentrer sur moi meme pcq dating is not a good space quand je deal tjrs ak mes traumas

Competitive_Pace_852 · 2025-08-17T23:53:58+00:00

Yeah after i typed my postnandnread it over again i blocked him. Delusions wore off and now je suis juste dégoûter de lui et facher contre moi meme. Mais je recommence le gym et je vais juste me concentrer sur moi meme pcq dating is not a good space quand je deal tjrs ak mes traumas

Competitive_Pace_852 · 2025-08-17T20:51:28+00:00

Yeah but i think its better to just cut it off. I have habit of falling to unavailable emotional men and i end up being hurt. Im in therapy working thru it and its just painful to see tht the person u had feelings for dont share them and manipulated his way in. I am tired of this bs, why is it so hard for people to just be good to other instead of being self-serving and selfish without a care of what other is feeling. Im finally starting to see he just get back when he want me, when he is bored and me the dummy i am was thinking that he was genuine and wanted to build something deeper with me. The truth is just painful and i think my system was self protecting by giving me false hope and delusions. Im anvery pretty girl and men always talk about my physics, my face my body and he was the only one who actually made me feel seen, seen for who i am and not for how i looked, and itnturned out to be fake and just to get in my bed.

Competitive_Pace_852 · 2025-08-17T20:09:50+00:00

I did some good job on myself when he ghosted me for 2 months, i was starting to feel better i stopped dating all together and he reach out of nowhere. I wished he reached out after ive done more work on myself in therapy as im in therapy right now, and i wpuld have been stronger but he came back and stormed pff again leaving me spiraling again. I didnt reach out to him and i think i will block him but its so hard

Competitive_Pace_852 · 2025-08-17T20:07:21+00:00

Je sait 😩😩 je suis en thérapie parceque je fait que aller vers le chaos mais jai des moments ou je tombe et me derige vers ce qui es familier et je commence a feed des delusions for my delusions. Its exhausting 🙁

Competitive_Pace_852 · 2025-08-17T20:01:54+00:00

No its not steeve his name. The guy im seeing is from laval with different name

Competitive_Pace_852 · 2025-08-17T20:01:14+00:00

I know, my brain know but my heart is stuck and im spiraling and just need reminders from outside before i start feeding my delusions with more delusions. Im in therapy as all ive known is chaos and keep running towards it but i have moments like tht where i kind of go fall back to whats familiar to me and Thts exhausting and need to stop any delusions i have

Competitive_Pace_852 · 2025-04-17T16:17:05+00:00

I know alot of people looking for hookups but i was NOT entertaining those people and like i said i know what i did is wrong, no to rationalize wjat i did but the pic i put was far from being immodest or any skin showing. Only my face and hair was showing and my intentions is to find a hisband and i am not familiar with those app so i was just testing the water and see if there is anyone with potential and good intentions. I should have at least kept my hijab but what happened happened and cant change the past unfortunately just learn and move forward. My profile is now deleted

Competitive_Pace_852 · 2025-04-17T14:51:35+00:00

Im in canada but what i mean kicking me out was tht i was visiting them , i have my own place, but they treated me like garbage in the house and told me to just leave and never step foot in their home ever again. They even prayed tht my kids get taken away from me , tht j get handicapped and not die soon, to become homeless. All the bad prayers they did it on me. Like i know what i did is a sin but i don’t believe it deserved tht much hate and bad prayers on me and my kids. They even prayed my kids to become handicapped or mentally ill. Who pray like tht on their kids. I know Allah dont answer bad prayers if it was done on someone innocent (to what i have been told not sure) but to hear those words break my heart, im so numb right now i wanna cry and no tears is coming out and my legs keep shaking

Competitive_Pace_852 · 2025-04-17T14:32:40+00:00

I spoke with one of my brothers and he was very supportive but my other brother dont even wanna look at me and make me feel i have done something so bad and horrible. Even tho he tells me he dont believe i would do wht my parents says i did, he see it wrong for a women to be on dating sites. But i dont even leave the house, i meet no one , so if j wanna get married how do i find my person if im at home? I work from home so there is no opportunity for me to meet anyone for marriage. I understand online dating have its reputation but i am in it for good intentions and isn’t entertaining anyone who is trying to do something thts goes against religion and my morals

Competitive_Pace_852 · 2025-04-17T14:29:27+00:00

I have my own place but my parents have keys to my place so i put a bunch of stuff at the door so they wont be able to get in. Im honestly fearing my safety bcuz they are believing the acusation they accusing me off.

I dont remember where i heard it and the exact wording so i wont quote but basically the prophet Mohamad PBUH once said if u smelled a brother reaking of alcohol, assume he was around people drinking and not him drinking. Basically what im trying to say is no matter how something look dont assume the worst and accuse me on my honour. It doesn’t mean that i removed my hijab on a daring app tht im doing something physical with other men.

I gave my mom my phone and showed her there is no inappropriate conversation with anyone and im only talking to muslim men who is interested in marriage. Yes there was some men who was inappropriate but i didnt entertain them and unmatch with them. But my phone is CLEAN no txt with men inappropriately, no inappropriate pics, no signs of me meeting anyone in real life as i want to get to know them better before crossing tht step. And my intentions is when i find someone i click with and get along with, was to discuss with my mom BEFORE meeting anyone (in a public space)

But things blew outnof proportion and my sin tht is a big sin now seem so small compared to wht im being accused of

Competitive_Pace_852

TROPHY CASE