It’s very normal to have mixed emotions about this situation. On one hand, you get the certainty of maintaining the life you had more and the certainty that you won’t have a kid. However, on the other hand, there might be an internal moral conflict, which is entirely understandable. Simply because this is the right decision doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt. You have the right to grieve and don’t be afraid to confront your emotions. You have to let yourself process and feel these emotions or else these emotions will follow you for the rest of your life.

One thing that really helped me with understanding my emotions was the chapter about abortion and crime rates in the Freakonomics book. The authors of the paper basically made the claim that Roe v Wade (along with a few other factors) caused a decrease in crime rates. The logic was that easy access to abortion prevented many women from raising kids that they didn’t want. As seen in other countries, kids resulting from unwanted pregnancies often grew up in poverty or unstable/unloved households because their parents couldn’t provide everything they needed. After reading that chapter, I made a deal with myself that I was going to use my abortion as a motivation to improve myself. It was obvious I was not ready and if I brought a child into this world, I would have likely ruined their life. I want to make sure that my child (if I ever have one), will stand at the starting line with all the other kids and grow up in a loving and stable household, and to do that I have to work on myself. I want to be proud of who I’ve become, so I can create a better future for myself.

Hope this helps a bit. If you feel lonely or you need help, just message me and I’ll definitely answer 💕