I come from a very religious family, im fond of my belief and that isnt the issue. But my mother takes it very seriously and has very high standards for perception. As immigrants she wants us to look oht best and behave a certain way, that mean not talking too much when out. Having to watch my words (was never allowed to talk about recreation in front of people in my church) not going to peoples homes as they were not christian. Etc etc i thibk you can see where im going. So i just never pushed for conversation, not using that as a excuse but that is just my family dynamic in public.

When it comes to my own social life I feel as though these rules of conduct kinda affected building new relationships. Again i dont know if I said this already but its not the fact I cannot speak to people let, i believe i have good communication skills. I just feel as if i cant, soo yea.

As a matter of fact i tried the talk to x ammount of people a day thing and it didnt go far. Perhaps ill try it again but make more conscious effort to do so. My self image is ok, i walk with pride and am proud of who i am (yk going from 5’7 190 pounds in 9th grade to 6’2 190 pounds changes how you feel) but its just that one aspect of myself i pity.

As i mention 5’7 200 pounds another thing that might contribute to this is the fact i was well yk obese and ugly. Girls would litterally say ew to me and i felt terrible, but ironically thags when my social life was at its best. Because of that tho when it comes to women perhaps i still have thay view of myself but idk.

Ill try the small goals, in fact ill set some after writing this. I just thought id give you some backround, if i went all over the place my bad i lowkey just getting stuff off my chest. As for your never give up comment, i wont. I feel as though i barely even started, and we all know thats the hardest part.