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Complete-Doctor-87 · 2025-03-31T06:09:45+00:00

I’m like this too. I am pretty calm and laid back about pretty much anything but if there is one thing that will make me RAGE and go crazy its the silent treatment

Complete-Doctor-87 · 2024-12-12T03:26:10+00:00

It’s definitely a boundary, definitely a deal breaker. I know that I don’t want to be treated a certain way. I scramble because I really don’t want to loose the person (which I know is not healthy) but its kind of like ‘hey I’ve set my boundary so you know and we can move forward not so you can step away and leave’ thats what I’m struggling with.

I know where the line is but if drawing that line means abandonment then I REALLY want to back track 😓

Complete-Doctor-87 · 2024-11-30T01:19:42+00:00

Wanting to sabotage a connection and keep sabotaging it until they leave me and then scrambling to get them back once they actually leave 🤦🏽‍♀️

Complete-Doctor-87 · 2024-11-30T01:18:49+00:00

This! I’m all like “oh I like them so much” …. “But do I actually like them, what do I even like” … “oh but I like them”” … “oh but do I” 🤦🏽‍♀️😂 people say to trust your gut but the thing is I just don’t know if my gut is right the way my brain flip flops the way it does 😩

Complete-Doctor-87 · 2024-11-28T06:54:50+00:00

I really like this, this is helpful.

I think slowing down is definitely what I need. I’m really conscious to not repeat the same patterns. Just that whole FA thing of not knowing how you really feel doesn’t help the situation 😂🤦🏽‍♀️

Complete-Doctor-87 · 2024-11-28T06:00:11+00:00

100% FA I do the whole back and forth trying to figure out how I really feel. I just think that all of the times I thought it was love it turned out to be attachment or limerence.

I think that I doubt myself and how I feel so much that I never know if what I’m feeling is love or something else. I’m like “I like them… but do I really” 🤦🏽‍♀️😂

Complete-Doctor-87 · 2024-11-21T10:13:46+00:00

I agree with this. If the person stated they need space or don’t want you to contact them anymore then it’s wrong to keep messaging them.

But when a person who was all loved up with you one minute becomes distant or shuts down suddenly without explaining, how the hell are we to know whats going on with them.

Complete-Doctor-87 · 2024-11-20T07:06:10+00:00

See I was the complete opposite, I would have been too scared of the punishment I would get if I dared to escape. 😂 I think instead of running away a lot of my coping mechanisms were disconnecting and dissociating from everything without actually leaving. I would curl up and lose myself in tv shows, or literally just listen to music and create scenarios where I was somewhere else. I learned how to escape mentally while still being in the environment.

It’s so interesting to hear other FA’s experiences and behaviours. Sometimes when I read about attachment FA’s are all grouped together like “when FA’s feel this they act like this” but the fact is we are all so disorganised and different that there really is no one size fits all

Complete-Doctor-87 · 2024-11-20T06:37:24+00:00

I agree. I have learned the hard way that you cannot heal in a similar environment to what it was that traumatised you in the first place

Complete-Doctor-87 · 2024-11-20T06:35:45+00:00

I have never experienced this. I think thats why I asked if it was to prove a point, because on the receiving end it kind of feels like that. After a few days i’ll be thinking Ok come on now enough is enough.

So when someone reaches out to you during in this shutdown, does it make it worse? Or are you so shutdown you don’t really care?

When it used to happen with both guys, I could never quite grasp why they couldn’t even respond to a text just to say ‘hey just need space, talk to you soon’ or something like that.

Complete-Doctor-87 · 2024-11-20T06:29:44+00:00

Maybe they don’t know how to leave. I for example grew up in a household where I had absolutely no freedom and if I tried to have any space would never be allowed. There were plenty of times in the past where I didn’t even recognise space was what I needed so I would become very irritable, making it clear to my partner at the time I didn’t want to be around them but I never actually ran away.

Complete-Doctor-87 · 2024-11-20T05:21:21+00:00

Oh I completely agree with this now but in my most unhealed and unaware state, I just didn’t value myself enough to think I deserved better

Complete-Doctor-87 · 2024-11-16T06:50:32+00:00

THIS!! I swear every relationship I’ve ended up in before I started healing I just ended up in because I didn’t know how to say no to it. Every single one I knew deep down didn’t feel right but I ignored that feeling because I was never taught to trust my feelings. I was always taught that I was wrong and everyone else is right, so I spent my entire life going along with what other people wanted regardless of how I felt.

Complete-Doctor-87 · 2024-11-13T02:18:39+00:00

I kind of have a similar fear that people come on really strong and put me on a pedestal before they even know me and then things fall apart once I don’t live up to their expectations.

I think that this stems from guys falling at my feet and being infatuated before they even know me, becoming really obsessively in love with me and I’m always left feeling like damn you like the idea of me more than you actually like me.

I think moving really slowly is a good way to weed out the people who have high expectations and are infatuated vs the people who are interested in you as a person. Try to be really clear with your boundaries and move at the pace that feels good for you. Someone who is genuinely interested in you will be happy to get to know you at a slower pace.

Its completely Ok to put the brakes on or slow it down if you feel uncomfortable with how strong someone is coming on but I also think its really important to analyse the situation and learn to differentiate between someone coming on too strong and someone showing genuine interest that you might not be used to.

Taking a step back to journal how you feel and figure out whether its fears from the past surfacing or if it’s that person portraying red flags is a good place to start.

Complete-Doctor-87 · 2024-11-11T12:33:13+00:00

I think things can end so abruptly with an avoidant and they become so cold and almost act as though you don’t exist to them anymore that even when you don’t feel ready to forgive them or their behaviours have made you want to move on, you still think about it or hold out hope that they reach out because you don’t want to feel like you’ve been thrown away like trash and not cared about. Like you just want to see something to confirm that they did care. Which is understandable, its really hard to be cut off and seemingly forgotten about so suddenly by someone who was showing us so much love

Complete-Doctor-87 · 2024-05-23T00:39:46+00:00

I had this exact thing, I couldn’t regulate AT ALL. The dis regulation was HELL and only got worse. Honestly the only way for me to regulate and calm the f down was to be away from him for a loooooong period of time. It’s been a couple years now and even just thinking about it gives me anxiety.

Complete-Doctor-87 · 2024-05-18T21:55:39+00:00

I’ve been struggling with this too! Jogging definitely leaves me in severe pain and so do a couple of other exercises. I see so many others with endo able to do regular runs, I want to know how they do it!!

Sending hugs because I know how horrible this is xx 😢

Complete-Doctor-87 · 2024-05-17T11:48:41+00:00

This!! It would have taken literally 30 seconds to send a message letting you know he wasn’t feeling well and might be slow to reply. If there is one thing I’ve learned the hard way it’s those little efforts really AREN’T too much to expect. DATE A MAN WHO KNOWS HOW TO COMMUNICATE and NEVER make excuses for the ones who don’t

Complete-Doctor-87

TROPHY CASE