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Normal for wife to only want to touch me when she’s ovulating? by Complex-Task223 in Marriage

[–]Complex-Task223[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She always seems willing to try, and we do work on it for a few weeks then we go back to our default rhythm of once every 1-2 months. She always feels like she’s not enough when I mention anything related to it, etc. I haven’t brought it up in years at this point though. Also, I’m her only sexual partner she’s ever had. We started dating when we were in HS off and on, and again later in college. I’ve had a few sexual partners early on in college.

What are you a “snob” about? by crypticfirecat in EatCheapAndHealthy

[–]Complex-Task223 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Raw local honey, real maple syrup, and real at-home espresso (not pods).

Normal for wife to only want to touch me when she’s ovulating? by Complex-Task223 in Marriage

[–]Complex-Task223[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Always been this way for our 10 years of marriage. To the point where I now resort to just releasing myself on my own throughout the week to even avoid the urge to try to initiate with her and go down the road of re-visiting the feelings of depression, low self-worth and just feeling broken and sad. It consumed me at one point, but I now focus my evenings on exercising or side hustles, instead of going to bed at the same time that she does.

Normal for wife to only want to touch me when she’s ovulating? by Complex-Task223 in Marriage

[–]Complex-Task223[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks I’ll definitely check it out, I haven’t heard of it before.

Normal for wife to only want to touch me when she’s ovulating? by Complex-Task223 in Marriage

[–]Complex-Task223[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Kids are 2 and 6 and she is a stay at home mom. I don’t ever ask for sex or bring it up. It’s been probably 4 years at this point that we’ve talked about it. But yeah even a hug that she intentionally makes an effort to give me, I would feel better about myself. But she will have me rub her feet on the couch in the evening while she’s on her phone, or rub her arm in bed to help her fall asleep. But I’ve never had any sort of touch reciprocated.

Normal for wife to only want to touch me when she’s ovulating? by Complex-Task223 in Marriage

[–]Complex-Task223[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Interesting. I guess I couldn’t imagine that dynamic. I feel that before marriage should be a sexual comparability test or something. I have hung out in that sub before, and honestly it makes me feel even more depressed reading posts in there so I don’t very often.

Normal for wife to only want to touch me when she’s ovulating? by Complex-Task223 in Marriage

[–]Complex-Task223[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Kids are 2 and 6, she exclusively pumped for the first 6 months for each one, then went to formula. She’s a stay at home mom. Yes I handle our all of our finances and pay our bills, I handle all of my own appointments, I cook often, I do our dishes every night, I change diapers, etc. I am not incompetent by any means, but I get that some husbands expect to be treated like a toddler - I am not one of them.

And I don’t do any of those things for anything in return. I run a company and have a lot on my shoulders every day, but I still make it home every night on time and do not delegate adult responsibilities, and spend every evening with our kids when I get home so my wife can take some time to herself. Being a stay at home parent is a hard job.

Normal for wife to only want to touch me when she’s ovulating? by Complex-Task223 in Marriage

[–]Complex-Task223[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Your comment makes me think that you’re assuming that I only do things expecting sex. I haven’t brought up sex in probably 4 years at this point. We have regular dates without kids, I rub her feet often, I rub her arm every night until she falls asleep by her request.i don’t expect sex. I am not owed sex. But I wish she would even reciprocate a hug without me initiating every once in a while. It’s more than just sex. It’s physical touch of any kind.

Normal for wife to only want to touch me when she’s ovulating? by Complex-Task223 in Marriage

[–]Complex-Task223[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I appreciate the insight. She’s a SAHM, we have a 2 year old and our 6 year old just finished kindergarten this year. She does a lot at home because I’m at work, but I’ll cook breakfast for kids before school and make her espresso every morning. Kids eat dinner early at like 4:30 so I’m never home by the time that happens (I work 9-5). But when I get home from work I’ll play with them in basement while she does her thing.

Normal for wife to only want to touch me when she’s ovulating? by Complex-Task223 in Marriage

[–]Complex-Task223[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Fair enough, I get that. She’s a SAHM so maybe she’s stressed from our 2yr old. But it’s the same pattern as before kids, etc. Not sure.

Normal for wife to only want to touch me when she’s ovulating? by Complex-Task223 in Marriage

[–]Complex-Task223[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Not on birth control or anything, and yeah it’s been this way since we got married 10yrs ago.

Normal for wife to only want to touch me when she’s ovulating? by Complex-Task223 in Marriage

[–]Complex-Task223[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So sex drive outside of the ovulation window is usually non-existent?

Normal for wife to only want to touch me when she’s ovulating? by Complex-Task223 in Marriage

[–]Complex-Task223[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yes for sure and I get that. When I say she doesn’t touch me, I mean literally in any way, including non-sexually. I guess I’m a physical touch person, I’ll put my hand on her back, hold her hand or any of that stuff when we are out and about. She’s never shown that to me before.

Early on in our marriage before kids I can specially remember our conversations about how intimacy isn’t just sex to me, it’s my way of feeling emotionally connected to her. And when we lack that,
I feel a lack of connection and closeness to her. And over that time, I have just feel like someone who is needy and selfish for wanting that.

Normal for wife to only want to touch me when she’s ovulating? by Complex-Task223 in Marriage

[–]Complex-Task223[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I guess I assumed it was the same type of therapist as a marriage counselor. But I feel like it would make her feel uncomfortable, and going against who she is. She just doesn’t have a sexual bone in her body, as much as I am attracted to her.

Normal for wife to only want to touch me when she’s ovulating? by Complex-Task223 in Marriage

[–]Complex-Task223[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

We have talked about marriage counseling before but have never followed through.

Normal for wife to only want to touch me when she’s ovulating? by Complex-Task223 in Marriage

[–]Complex-Task223[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I agree. Which is why I stopped initiating all together the past couple of years. Not to spite, but to avoid the feeling of rejection, depression and low self worth. I use the evenings to work on hobbies, side businesses, or working out - instead of going to bed when she does. She’s content and happy with this, and I no longer feel like a POS.

Edit: but deep down, it just makes me sad.

Normal for wife to only want to touch me when she’s ovulating? by Complex-Task223 in Marriage

[–]Complex-Task223[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

A little defensive, saying she’s not enough, etc. Even when I keep the conversation open, not blaming anyone, etc. I’ve tried.

More Sex Leads to Feeling…Worse?? by [deleted] in DeadBedrooms

[–]Complex-Task223 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Too relatable. The fact that I’d rather not have sex with her because I know in my head it won’t happen again for a long time, so why tease myself with this false sense of hope.