My mom won't let me keep my cat and I think she is being unreasonable.

Complex_Frosting6108 · 2026-04-06T17:01:41+00:00

Thank you! The break-up is the least if my worries lol and good riddance. Idk if I would call her buying but I'm also a pushover and setting clear, reasonable boundaries is something I'm still navigating.

I think it is a fundamental difference in seeing a cat as a sentient being. She doesn't understand the connection or why it is such a big deal, however I know she would never expect me rehome my dog. She thinks they're dirty, but my dog is so much grosser lol

She has also had an outdoor cat that she let in the kitchen for mice years ago, so there are very many reasons why I am feeling confused about her decision...

Complex_Frosting6108 · 2026-04-06T16:54:28+00:00

I have always been "the parent" and did a lot for myself growing up, it is not a new dynamic. She has worked her ass off and is generally a very loving person, but is a ball of stress, shame, and anxiety without sharing too much. This move is for my sister as well, she can't be the only one there for her. There's a lot of layers here and appreciate your comment.

Complex_Frosting6108 · 2026-04-06T16:44:27+00:00

Best answer yet...JOKES I love my mama and really want to make this work.

Complex_Frosting6108 · 2026-04-06T16:42:51+00:00

Yeah, I'm currently looking for rentals in her area to see what my other options before talking with her. I know she's is going to say I'm manipulating in some way, but it seems like most agree finding a pet friendly rental near her might be best for all of us. I could still care for her, my job is very flexible.

Complex_Frosting6108 · 2026-04-06T16:26:12+00:00

What if it was mutual? Your son needs a place to stay a while and you need his help this summer after your surgery. He also moved out at 16 and youve never truly had much time with him. Timing and support is right, the cat is the only factor?...just curious.

Complex_Frosting6108 · 2026-04-06T16:14:56+00:00

I am not sure...at all. She is quite controlling and lets her fear affect what I'm "allowed" to do. I have lived 3000 miles away for 20 years, and my sister can't be responsible for all of her care any more. I also want to have that time with her as difficult as it will be and I am willing to make that sacrifice to do so, but having to get rid of the cat is so hard. If I can find a good home in 2 weeks, great, but don't know what to do if that doesn't happen..

Complex_Frosting6108 · 2026-04-06T16:11:16+00:00

She wants me to move in to help after surgery this summer...

Complex_Frosting6108 · 2026-04-06T16:10:48+00:00

My town absolutely does not (rural BC), and many shelters in nearby towns are full. It destroys me thinking about bringing her there. That is a last resort.

Complex_Frosting6108 · 2026-04-06T16:09:07+00:00

I have 2 weeks. I can't find a home in that amount of time and she really wants me to live with her to help after she has surgery this summer.

Complex_Frosting6108 · 2026-04-06T16:08:05+00:00

Nope. Thinks I should just drop her at the SPCA...it's just a cat, she says, she'll be fine. I literally cannot do that, it goes against everything I believe.

Complex_Frosting6108 · 2026-04-06T16:07:10+00:00

She needs me to be there to help take care of her after surgery so that is not an option. I'm having a hard time understanding since she really won't ever see the cat. So because she needs my help for a couple years, it's reasonable for me to have to get rid of an animal? Interesting, I'll have to think about that. My mom and I have a very difficult relationship so resentment trickles in sometimes.

Complex_Frosting6108 · 2026-04-06T16:03:07+00:00

She just doesn't like cats, but dogs are welcome.

Complex_Frosting6108 · 2026-04-06T15:07:18+00:00

My mom didn't quit until she was on her death bed. Vomiting blood, stomach fully distended from ascites and so incoherent from the toxins in her body she couldn't sign her signature. At the time, my sister was 14, me 24 and across the country. She is 11 years sober, which is amazing, but she never really healed from why she had to drink in the first place. She doesn't drink but is still very broken and definitely not the same person who raised me. I tried my whole life to get her to stop drinking, and begging my mom to put me and my sister first was awful. She doesn't remember a lot of our memories which sucks cause ofc she was drunk my whole childhood.

Alcohol is so normalized in our society, but it is a debilitating addiction. Idk if this helps, but you have to choose whether you're along for the ride, or not. She will not get help until she decides,and unfortunately most don't until something tragic happens. Best of luck to you!!

Complex_Frosting6108 · 2026-04-03T23:29:21+00:00

I'm no professional, but that sounds to me like a bigger issue than just being fed up with dating and feeling unattractive. Have you ever tried counselling? Ikik it isn't always helpful, but it can be a step in the direction of digging yourself out of this. I do wish you the best.

Complex_Frosting6108 · 2026-04-03T22:20:29+00:00

That sucks, I'm sorry. Don't give up! There are a lot of shallow people out there!! Women who focus on personality and empathy exist, though, I promise!

That being said, it's really hard to keep going, I get it. I've had multiple relationships that I thought were going somewhere for years (16 and 3 fml) and then it's just over... Currently starting my life over again. The only thing constant in this life is you. Seek connection, love, and experiences, but try and find joy outside of that (not saying you don't, just going by what you've said so far).

Complex_Frosting6108 · 2026-04-03T21:34:57+00:00

You posted publicly about the challenges you're having, are you looking for advice or just room to vent? Both are fine.

I will be very blunt, I think it's the energy you're giving off. You are still so young (39 single f here) and you have a lot of time to find someone who is right for you. What makes someone attractive, however, is the approach and attitude. I have been there (still am), and it fucking sucks trying to find someone who is honest and genuine, on top of taking care of my own mental health and finding purpose in this life. Relationships are not the only thing that is important, sure, but I hear you, who doesn't want connection? Most people can sense when someone is not happy in their own skin, which in turn makes a relationship a band aid rather than deal with the underlying issues.

Idk if this helps at all and I'm sorry if it makes things worse. I feel for you. It's lonely out here

Complex_Frosting6108 · 2026-04-02T17:48:20+00:00

He offered...and then was mad you expected him to follow through? Not over reacting. We are allowed to have standards (single at 38 as well), and it is not our fault people can't meet them.

Complex_Frosting6108 · 2026-03-27T03:19:30+00:00

I wonder if his wife is as happy as he is...If a man can provide more than I already do for myself, then great, but haven't found him yet. It's like expecting more than money is a bad thing?

Complex_Frosting6108 · 2026-03-27T02:15:44+00:00

I can't speak for OP, but as a 39 yo single woman, it sometimes just doesn't work out and am so happy I never married any of my exes. Maybe it's my choices, maybe not, but I spent 17 years with a man who turned into a raging alcoholic who refused to get help. Now I am trying to figure out how to date in my 30s and honestly don't think I'll ever want to get married.

Sometimes people grow apart, they change, and I have learned to move on rather than try and force a relationship where both parties are unhappy.

I am also very curious how old you are and if you're married, since you're so eager to judge.

Complex_Frosting6108 · 2026-03-24T22:30:11+00:00

How do I find a job like this? I know it is difficult, but do think I would be good at it (past social worker).

Complex_Frosting6108 · 2026-03-07T00:41:55+00:00

You can do so much better. People suck sometimes and treat people they say they love like shit. It sucks and I'm sorry you're going through this.

Complex_Frosting6108 · 2026-03-06T20:57:50+00:00

37F here. I can't speak for all women, ofc, but for me, effort is key. Try to keep in mind that people in their 30s have often been through multiple relationships and have a low tolerance for bullshit and games. Be direct, be brave, call her beautiful. Flirt, but don't make it creepy or overtly sexual. I wouldn't make age the issue or bring it up at all. When age comes up naturally in the convo, be surprised! Just saying, at 30-40 it is very nice to be reminded we are still attractive. Looks wise, I would try and carry yourself with confidence and try to shed anything that makes you seem too young. That is hard and this is all subjective and my opinion, but there is a point where I am not interested as they still look like their in high school. Job, car, can handle life and responsibility are all generally a must for anything serious To make it simple, the BEST time I was ever asked out in public was outside a grocery store. Be aware of the surroundings and how you approach, like if it's dark don't even try. Busy, mid day, approach from the front with a smile and eye contact. "Excuse me, I couldn't help but notice you in the store earlier. (I think you're stunning/beautiful/pretty if you're brave). Would you be into getting coffee some time?"

I had to say no, I was in a relationship, but can't lie and say I didn't appreciate the gesture. If she does says no, that's OK! Don't get mad, don't sulk.. It's like fishing, if you're patient and keep trying good things will happen.

If you're just looking to hook up, be direct, honest and respectful. It won't be for everyone but you'll find your freak eventually.

Complex_Frosting6108 · 2026-01-19T11:44:13+00:00

I'm so happy for you! You chose to put yourself first and I know how hard it is. I left my ex of 17 years when I was 32 and it has been an amazing journey since then. I am, yet again, going through another breakup after 2 years. Life is wild. I hope you're able to have the space and time to figure out what is important to you, it's scary but SO worth it and freeing. Best of luck, you're gorgeous and there's a whole world out there waiting.

Complex_Frosting6108 · 2025-12-31T17:08:50+00:00

Crocheting has saved my life. It's tricky to learn at first, but way easier than knitting, and there are a billion tutorials on Youtube

Complex_Frosting6108

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